What did you notice with early stages of dementia with your loved ones?

i notice my sister in law mentioning she gets frazzled with reconciling her check book.

Less showering, even when prompted.
Sleeping in later.
Irritability.

Years before diagnosis Mom began to exhibit lapses in judgment, irrational behavior (like getting really angry for no good reason), avoiding social contact with anyone outside the family, forgetfulness, losing things and repeating herself. Sometimes she was cruel to the point of bringing me to tears. I wondered "what's wrong with Mom?" Then Mom began "rewriting history," telling stories about our family's past that simply weren't true. If you challenged her, she got really hostile and made you sorry you did! Mom seemed completely incapable of learning new things, like using a computer. Dad began "covering" for Mom, dissuading her from driving. He took a greater role in housekeeping and cooking chores even though he had his own physical limitations.

At first, I attributed Mom's behavior to the aging process. Mom and I had always had a rocky relationship. I went so far as thinking it was "me" and unfair bias on my part! But further on (a year or two before diagnosis), she began getting lost in places she formerly knew quite well. She had multiple traffic accidents and exhibited extreme paranoia. She stayed up half the night arranging and rearranging her kitchen, cabinets, drawers and closets. She was confused about what time of day it was and began "sundowning" in the late afternoon. Their formerly spotless and well-maintained home started looking neglected.

Dad claimed her doctor said it was "mild cognitive decline." I didn't challenge this diagnosis but inwardly questioned it. It had to be something more. Most of Mom's friends and acquaintance didn't seem to notice these changes, but those of us within the family circle certainly did. Either the others didn't notice or were too polite to say anything. I'm guessing the latter. By the time we got Mom in to a neurologist, dementia was a foregone conclusion. What a cruel, cruel disease.

First clue Christmas Eve , 2015 - Mentioned the Name Jon - My sisters Husband and I Got a Blank stare even after I Tried explaining to him . It went downhill after that - Losing things , giving People Money $3500 , $2500, $3000 etc. Buying One car - getting another car because he Lost the Key . Losing and destroying Bicycles . Sanding the floors 1000 times . Fixing things that were Not broken . Peeling the Paint off my car for No reason . Not being able to use a remote on Vacation. forgetting how to use 3 phones with 3 different numbers . A Broken refrigerator filled with Maggots . Slow walking then shuffling . Obsessing about things that Occurred 40 years ago . On the upside he sang songs from the 1920's - 1930's and Knew all the words . It Has been a strange Journey to say the least . OCD Behavior , a stroke . Some days good , other days Not good .

Hi,oldageisntfun, Sometimes I think you're right! In answer to your question, I think the first thing I noticed with my husband was the constant questions he ask over and over. One day in particular he ask me 5 times what time we were supposed to go to dinner with his family. Each time he ask, I told him but on the fifth time I told him that was his fifth time asking which he denied and was very upset with me. Over the next few months I noticed it more and more. At first I thought he just wasn't paying attention when I told him things but then he began telling me the same things over too. He also became more short tempered with not just me but even his family and other people. He would be supposed to be somewhere at a certain time but they were gone and he swore they got the time wrong and confront them. This phase went on for awhile before it got more apparent to everyone. Then he began harassing his brother about a clock that he thought his grandpa meant for him to have.

Before that I tried to tell him something was wrong and he should be checked. I told him it could be something like a brain tumor but he replied, if it was he would just die. Finally I made an appointment for a checkup but I sent the doctor a message about what was happening without my husband knowing. He diagnosed him with memory and behavioral problems but a few months later he diagnosed him with Altzheimers and prescribed Lexapro and Aricept and referred us to a Neurologist.

He never seemed to realize what was happening even though the doctor told him. I guess he immediately forgot. Once he told me the Neurologist just like to make you feel stupid. They ask things like who is the President, what day is it, what season. He wouldn't know. They would tell him 3 words and that they would ask him later, he sometimes might remember one thing but mostly he didn't. It just gets worse from there.

From what you said about your mother, she may be just forgetful. The one thing you said about being in stores and looking lost struck me more than putting something somewhere and not remembering where you put it. My husband would not know which direction to go to get out of a store if I wasn't with him. I misplace things myself. I sometimes can't think of names but then it comes to me. Is this a part of dementia or just normal aging. I hope it is normal aging because I don't want anyone to have to take care of me like I did my husband. He passed from pneumonia February 2, 2020 mainly because he wouldn't take any medicine and was. combative. He didn't even know me. It's a very terrible disease. I've been through it with my mom and my husband.

They do think being hard of hearing may be a factor. My husband was hard of hearing. If very many incidents happen with the stove, I'd be very cautious about leaving her alone. I'm not sure about not completing task before starting another. I guess it would depend on did she just see something that needed doing and get back to the task later or completely forget.

I wish you the best and hope that things work out for you that it isn't dementia or Altzheimers. I will tell you that you may have to lie if it means seeing a doctor or not. With my mom, she ask about my Dad and got very upset when I told her he was gone. After that I made excuses. You just agree with them or do what you have to do for their best interest. I hope this helps.

There are truly excellent things all over the internet about differentiating between dementia and normal aging. Type in pretty much that exact question and you will find them.
In my case I was lucky as my brother, in my same state but at the opposite end of said state, talked to ME. About his balance. About his difficulties with a phone he thought not working that "everyone else" assured him WAS working. About some driving mistakes he would not have made earlier, finally about hallucinations he thought were dreams at first, and his balance. He truly wanted to talk, to find out, and while he said he wasn't happy to know he had probable early Lewy's dementia, he WAS happy to know the reasons he was seeing the world differently than he did before. He was "interested". He was lucky to die of another cause before his dementia became bad. I think this is rare.
I wish you good luck going forward and getting evaluations. There are so many KINDS of dementia, that it's important to be evaluated. You will have more control in knowing what manifestations you may observe going forward if your worst fears are true.

Some of the things you mention are signs of advancing dementia. Try to take over the tasks that may be dangerous if not handled safely, such as cooking, and you may want to lock up sharp knives and scissors if you see that she is handling them inappropriately. Yes, anyone can misplace things, and can get impatient when the response is not quick, but then it becomes a matter of degree. There are ways to senior proof the house to make it safer: remove clutter, have captions on the TV if she is hard of hearing, etc. There are tests that can be done, but decide if it is worth it. You'll have to deal with the symptoms, in any case. Before you speak with the doctor, and while she is still able to sign legal papers, make sure all of her paperwork is in order. She needs to set up powers of attorney for medical (health care proxy) and financial matters, have a living will with her advance medical directives, and a will, if she has assets. Also make sure that you are on file with Medicare and Social Security to be able to speak on her behalf. This can be done with a phone call and her sitting beside you. Banks and other financial institutions often have their own POA forms. If she has a credit card account, get a card on her account with your name on it, so that you can buy things for her from her account. Talk to her about a plan for the time when her care may be too much for you to handle. Will, she prefer in-home caregivers, or moving to assisted living. Much depends on her finances. Get connected with a local social worker to discuss her options. All the best to you and your mom!

I first took my mother to neurologist in 2013. I had a couple of referrals & phone numbers, but didn’t call until it was no longer impossible to avoid. There was different incidents…she couldn’t find her way out of supermarket we went every week for 10 years…mom started making mistakes with checkbook, stopped reading library books…& then she was waiting for my brother to come back to find parking spot…she forgot he hasn’t lived in house 30 years…she also forgot that I had to have breast biopsy..when I came home she asked if I had a “nice day!” …realized she didn’t remember what I had done that day….then the falling..so many times…well, all I can say is it’s been a nightmare!
Hugs 🤗

Denial of hearing loss
Loss of spatial and direction awareness
Obsessively impulsive
Obsessively impatient

In general, it was the personality changes that the person kept trying to explain them away.

With my Mom I first noticed when she would get numbers wrong and could no longer balance her checkbook. She would tell people she was 30 years younger than she was and get her birth year wrong too.

What really scared me is when I brought her home one day & she didn’t recognize her home. I spoke to her Dr & she told me it was sundowning.

People who didn’t see her on a regular basis thought she was just a little forgetful

We first noticed unusual forgetfulness -- not things that she would have normally completely forgotten. A year or so into this, a friend noticed that she rather suddenly had no idea who people were that she had known for a year or so and spoke to nearly every day. She also had a lot of anxiety regarding her finances (paying bills, keeping up with her checkbook balance, etc.). She would get overwhelmed with anxiety if she grocery-shopped alone. She also made huge efforts to cover up her frequent memory loss and appear 'normal' (just like we all would do if we forgot something and didn't want to embarrass ourselves). And she did avoid social situations, acted more depressed than usual, and got worse in the evening.

What triggered my awareness was when my wife asked me if I knew where our younger son was, because she had searched the whole house, including looking under the beds, and couldn't find him. I reminded her that he was 40 and lived in another city with his wife and children, and then called the doctor to set up an appointment for a mental acuity checkup.

Many good answers here! Looking back with my Dad there were more signs that I was realizing at the time, even though I was watching out for it as my grandfather had dementia. With Dad it was more of a personality/behavior change. Someone mentioned lack of awareness of time. He didn't have any sense of urgency - understandable when retired for quite a few years, but this was different.
He didn't pay attention to when bills were due or needed to be dealt with. It became more clear when my Mom couldn't get her Kindle to update her daily puzzles, and when I talked to Dad he said 'oh the cable (internet too) is out in the neighborhood, I'm sure they'll fix it.' When I did some investigating from afar online, the cable in the neighborhood was fine, he just hadn't paid the bill and they got shut off. The fact that he totally missed paying the bill was one thing, the fact that he didn't bother to really find out why things weren't working and didn't really care was totally something else.
He was primary caregiver for Mom who was in a wheelchair for a few years, and when she was there things were okay as she was sharp as a tack and would keep him on schedule and on track with things. I did notice him losing more patience with her when she had to tell him multiple times that it was time to eat.
When you think of dementia you think of forgetfulness yes, but there are other signs. His forgetfulness wasn't as bad as I had been looking for, it was the lack of caring about things and awareness of when things were happening. (Mum told him at one point that one of their favorite shows was coming on and his response was 'I don't care' - Totally unusual for him!
So stuff like that. And once she had to go to rehab then nursing home and wasn't there, things became very clear that he was having many more issues than I even realized.
I agree with everyone saying talk to the doctor. Very importantly, any tests they do many not give you a concrete answer, but it does establish a baseline so you can track changes as the years go on.

Dearest oldage,
Very concise and pertinent questions and you ask for only personal, not professional, opinions. I’m not sure there is a big difference between ‘old age’ forgetfulness and onset dementia. Maybe they walk hand in hand at the beginning. The first signs I saw were repeating the same stories/anecdotes in short order. Forgetfulness yes. But when persistent maybe some dementia. Some medications may also cause forgetfulness. Memory loss is when something or someone who was once familiar is no longer familiar. Memory cannot be jogged.

what I found with my mom is that if she couldn’t remember she just ‘filled in the blanks’ til it sounded feasible to her.

I think when people get older they do tend to feel, even if the ent admit it, safer with a familiar face close by. Not uncommon for them to get a little panicky if they don’t see you close by.
I also know that in the beginning they can turn it on or off how ever the situation suits them, which can be very disconcerting.

My mom was sharp until the very end but as she got physically weaker so did her mind. The only time we had a doctor involved was when she didn’t want to quit driving (at 89) and he was no help, said she was fine (grrr) so I think you will be the best judge and nothing Doc can do anyway. I think one of the hardest things for adult children to cope with is their own feelings about a parent who is becoming childlike. The role just is odd, especially if that parent was strong and vibrant.
And remember dementia doesn’t always lead to Alzheimer’s. That is a disease that can be tested for. Dementia/old age forgetfulness not.
Just use your sense of her and you’ll be fine.
❤️❤️Sabrina

Article on Aging Care...
"What to Do If You Suspect Someone Has Dementia"
Grace Styron

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oldageisnotfun: The biggest 'red flag' in your post is the incident involving the gas stove and NOT smelling any of the odors associated with it; that is not a part of any "normal aging process." If that were me (if I was still lucid enough to recognize it) or my LO, I would have sought a neurologist stat.
Regarding your question as to early signs of dementia in a LO, here is a prime example (in my opinion): A precursor to my late sister in law's Alzheimer's was that she was driving IN HER OWN NEIGHBORHOOD with two of her grandchildren in the back seat of her auto when she entered a clearly marked in red, 'DO NOT ENTER' one way highway. Fortunately other drivers noticed her error and alerted her to turn around, else it could have ended badly. The moral of this example was that she failed to recognize the traffic signage that is on a roadway for a reason; traffic designers have incorporated not only DO NOT ENTER signage, but additionally, they have printed it in RED.

Hi. I cared for a couple for seven years. The Mrs. showed her dementia very readily. The husband did not. It was only after a long time that I realized that he had the signs long before we realized it.

he was very repetitive in his stories. They say that people with his style of dementia they get certain answers down pat and they do very well making it very hard to detect. Memory started going, and couldn’t remember paying bills and so he’d pay it multiple times, couldn’t remember details, could remember things from long ago but couldn’t remember a conversation older than 20 minutes. but even then the long-term memory started having problems and he changed the stories, then completely forgot why some things were the way were.

Mostly in the beginning it was being extremely repetitive. he was such a dear. ❤️

We first started noticing she lost things or couldn’t remember where she had put them. This became more and more an issue. Also she had hearing problems but would not wear her hearing aids. And I do believe that has contributed to her dementia. Then about a year later she started repeating herself a lot. Then she would ask a question and after you had answered her she would ask again in just a few minutes. This got really bed. So bad that her husband just quit communicating with her. He was sick and this became very annoying to him. Then she started becoming violent because she said he wouldn’t talk to her. After that everything kinda hit the fan. She became so abusive and violent we had to take the car keys away and then very soon she had to go to the hospital here that has a dementia floor. She also couldn’t remember to take her medication. And I would put their meds in the weekly pill holder and then she would forget what day it was and take night meds in the morning and morning meds at night. It got to a very dangerous point. She is in a nursing home now for her dementia. She knows she had a memory loss. But won’t call it dementia. Her husband passed in November and she forgets he is gone. This disease is so awful not just for the family
but for the patient also. They know
something is changing but just can’t figure it out. And the bad part is there aren’t any really
good meds for this. And what they have only slows it down. But the progression is really fast.

With my mom, the earliest signs I can recall were how she would start behaving in the evenings, just out of the blue, she would start becoming agitated, accusing me of stealing her money, pacing around looking for miscellaneous items. Then the next morning she would act like nothing ever happened. When that started to happen more frequently and then the wandering in the middle of the night started, I took her to a neurologist for CAT scan and other tests to rule out other things like mini-strokes or UTI (symptoms of Urinary Tract Infection can mimic dementia in elderly people) to get an official dementia diagnosis.

Accompany your mother to her Physician for a " checkup" and, have them assess her cognitive status. There are some very simple assessments that a physician or other qualified professionals can administer that will give you a better and more accurate picture of what you are asking.

You can also share your observations, concerns with Physician for input on how relevant these are to concern.

If there are safety concerns, these can be addressed.

How about infection? Senior brain with infection (so common at that age) can look like dementia. My Mom had a lot of the reported early symptoms including sun downers. I felt much of it was a more emphasized version of her personality when depressed. So her normal, with aging. My sisters thought otherwise and wanted to get her on dementia drugs. I was against that. One sister secretly got her tested by brain scan, and no dementia. One very old mini stroke, which would explain some early behavior but not the recent "early dementia onset". So we looked elsewhere. Like her meds. Got her off most of the hard hitting ones including those thst caused dementia. We balanced her incontinence, her colon activity and UTI infection. With or without infection was night and day for her mental state. She lost her ability to do many things, but I think mostly because she did them less, was grieving from the loss of my Dad, stress ftom family dynamics, and any big changes like moving and caregivers. Plus normal aging decline. So we did have to help her quite a bit as she aged, however she was fairly clear. Once we solved infection, for the most part, she had more good mental days than not. We got her out a lot, like dinner every night, great quality of life for several years. It was just the infection. You had to really keep an eye out as they are so immunity compromised. Apple cider vinegar fixes a UTI. 1/4-1/3 cup mixed in something very sweet to mask it.

Good luck and God bless!

My husband worked in the medical field for over 30 years. One day at work they were told that there was another task they had to learn, adding to more (of course) computer time to get this done. Boy, did my husband kick up a fuss about this. They were given a few weeks to get on board with the changes, although he claimed no training offered-which I still find hard to believe. I kept saying you're a really, really smart guy, you can do this. Nope. It got to the point where he tranferred to another department, to avoid the newest task. Ok. Then he was getting lost driving-with the iphone GPS on, I had to take over as we were very lost. Then work asked him to take a week off to rest. Then one night he woke me up, he was seeing "vapor trails". Ok. All that happened in the span of less than a year.
He is diagnosed with Frontal Temporal Dementia. I've learned a lot about it too.
Hang around this forum, lots of people here have lots of very, very useful information to offer. Get all the testing you can for your Mom. Neurologist appointments are harder to get than hen's teeth. Do everything you can not to miss one, or you could be waiting 6 months to a year before another one is open. Once you know what type or mixed type of dementia your Mom has, drill down and find out more. Use reliable web sites, Alzheimers, Mayo Clinic, Sloan Kettering-their information is checked and fact based with the big name hospitals/organizations. Check your Mom's insurance, ask her doctor's office if you're not sure, if the insurance will cover a PET scan, quite useful and accurate for diagnosis of the brain, if the neurologist deems it important to get done.
Financial/legal planning is a must. A very hot topic here, again great information from lots of posters, which I've saved to use for later planning and fine tuning those plans.
This is not easy. This is not for everyone. Do not think you have to do this, if it becomes too much. Plenty of support on this forum with that, lots 'n lots of collective wisdom, about this.

How would you describe the difference between getting old and getting Alzheimer's?

The most common symptom of Alzheimer's is difficultly remembering things , particularly new information, such as an appointment you have made. While people who are aging normally may forget things as well, they will typically remember them later -- in other words, you remember that you forgot.

What is the earliest symptom that indicates dementia?

The 10 warning signs of dementia
Sign 1: Memory loss that affects day-to-day abilities. ... 
Sign 2: Difficulty performing familiar tasks. ... 
Sign 3: Problems with language. ... 
Sign 4: Disorientation to time and place. ... 
Sign 5: Impaired judgment. ... 
Sign 6: Problems with abstract thinking. ... 
Sign 7: Misplacing things.
(I have some of these... as many of us do in our 70s (or so I believe). The best I can do is limit stressors (meditate, exercise) and eat healthy, keep my weight in a health range. And, develop / keep my social relationships for emotional and psychological support). See below:

How to avoid dementia? - This means you can help reduce risk of dementia by:
eating a healthy, balanced diet.
maintaining a healthy weight.
exercising regularly.
keeping alcohol within recommended limits.
stopping smoking.
keeping your blood pressure at a healthy level.


Gena / Touch Matters

I don't know that I noticed dementia in the early stages. I just noticed some things that "were not like the person I knew." She was much more critical of me and of virtually everyone else. I just attributed it to her being older and tired. However, it got so bad I began to wonder if she wanted a divorce. When she told the doctor that all I did was make microwave meals, (while I was working my a** off to keep things in order around the house), I thought she was really out of it. It wasn't until a year later that the neurologist diagnosed FTD.

Looking back and connecting the dots, I saw it at a huge party we held for her extended family. She was an elegant woman, who in her younger years would make dinner for six on Fridays just for something to do. When we held the huge party at a remote site, with catering and entertainment, I commented to myself that she showed up as the best dressed homeless person I knew. After the diagnosis. I now know that was when it was obvious. The diagnosis did not occur for another year and a half. In the interim, she had a car wreck, incontinence, and began having trouble walking.

In hindsight, the biggest indicator of dementia was belligerence. Nothing was good enough, there was no softness to her, she was harsh, critical and the littlest thing set her off. Of course, the harshness and criticality would set me off. It became a downward spiral. I wish I had learned early to purposely soften myself. I also wish I had learned earlier how to redirect her thoughts and not answer her questions or try to reason with logic. When people with dementia get a thought in their heads it stays there. They need to be redirected, not answered.

I am writing solely from my own experience with my mother, who is in the advanced stages of dementia. And I’m long-winded.

I am often asked when I noticed, and, because of her difficult personality, I really don’t know. When she was finally assessed during a crisis, she was deemed mid-stage.

Here are, in hindsight, my red flags.

She began isolating herself from friends and extended family, while inserting herself more into my life. Then complaining that she was lonely. She’d been very social. (Not depression - different - already on meds for that.)

She was getting ready to visit her SIL and complained that she’d been trying to organize her week’s pills for over 3 hours. Took me 2 minutes. She had dumped them out into a pile but couldn’t process putting one in each compartment.

She was almost deaf in the early to mid stage. And her deafness was distractible. She fought tooth and nail against having her hearing checked. BTW, she started hearing again as her dementia advanced. In hindsight, by pretending she was nearly deaf, I had to answer such questions as her date of birth, address, etc, which she had forgotten.

Obsessive, repetitive talk about the same thing, always such that she had been wronged and was a victim. Incidents from 50+ years ago.

She started reporting that her house was robbed daily. Even when we found misplaced items she concocted elaborate stories about how robbers had come in and rearranged her things so that when they returned to steal them, they’d know where they were. She developed conspiracy theories for so many things. Like she knew, just knew that today was Friday, Dec. 30 but the newspaper company was scamming people by delivering old newspapers with the date of Thursday Dec. 22. Tremendously complicated, illogical mental gymnastics to explain away anything that she didn’t understand. When presented with proof or facts, she’d double-down. That behaviour was scary and exhausting for us. She was so combative.

When I suggested talking with her doctor she blew that she was fine and everyone was gaslighting her, including me.

I could tell you about all the times she paid for an envelope, paper and stamp to tell the credit card company that she would not pay the 1 cent of interest on her account. But that was NOT unusual behaviour.

It’s one thing to forget which purse you used last in order to locate your keys. It’s another thing to hide your keys in the freezer, under the bathroom sink or inside the grandfather clock.

Trust your instincts. Because the changes can be subtle, incremental, they can sneak up on you. May I suggest keeping a diary so you can compare your observations without second guessing your own recollections.

My dad started commenting on being worried about my mom’s memory years before she was diagnosed. But he was a highly critical person and always had a complaint about her, and everyone else unfortunately. So I didn’t think much of it at the time.

What I noticed first myself was not memory but personality changes. She became disinterested in what her kids and grandkids were up to, which was not normal for her. When we were together there was an emotional distance that was hurtful to me, before I knew what was going on. Also, she had more anxiety. Got really flustered and acted like small things in all of our lives were just too much for her to handle, to the point where it was hard to talk to her and share things anymore. For maybe two or three years she was like this before I understood why.

Also! Driving! Very very slow driving when I got in a car with her. It scared me. She was 70 when this started happening.

You’re right, it’s very difficult to distinguish results of stress, fatigue, and other common behaviors with dementia. What makes it harder is that we don’t really want to see them either. And I think everyone presents differently and ends up with different degrees of dementia.

The things I noticed with my mom early on were easy to attribute to something else. Losing track of the days of the week (well, if one doesn’t work, that can be easy to do). Being late on a bill payment (which mortified her, but I do that when I’m overloaded). Failing to do daily activities: skipping a meal (or two), not getting the mail, running out of a med or a food staple. Losing a certain clarity with abstract matters, ie not fully comprehending something I had said, especially something humorous or double entendred. You develop a linguistic cadence with a loved one, and you notice when it’s off. She just wasn’t grasping things she used to understand, but it was subtle. Probably the most emphatic change was the way she was starting to argue with me over seemingly little things. We had always had a little natural mother-daughter tension and bickered occasionally, but this was a mercurial anger that would come on without notice and ruin an otherwise good day. It would often happen during the latter part of the day, whether we were together or it was via text or phone call. The next morning she was over it. But everything was, and still is, very changeable, and we can have conversations now where I feel like nothing has changed at all and she is just as sharp as she ever was. It’s unpredictable in its size and scope, and at least in my mother’s case, she is acutely aware of the changes and is very stressed by it as she feels her control slipping away. I know this because she has articulated it to me, but it’s occurring to me now that some seniors may feel the exact same loss of control and fear over it but not be able to verbalize it. In that case, you need to be a beat ahead in recognizing when your senior is getting overwhelmed.

I want to offer a caveat, and this may not affect many people but if it helps a few it’s worth mentioning. My mother took a very sudden turn in her last month of living alone. Seemingly overnight, she became completely confused and unable to do the simplest task. She was putting a nightgown over her clothes, unable to feed herself, didn’t know what to do when she was woke up in the am. People on this same board were quick to say that dementia doesn’t come on that way. We went to the ER and had a full battery of tests, all of which produced negative results. Significantly, she was negative for a UTI, which can frequently cause these same symptoms. They wanted to hold her overnight and continue tests, but my gut told me that would do her in. She has always begged me not to let her end up in the hospital, and I wanted to honor that and bring her home that evening. They gave her an antibiotic anyway, and I took her home with me since she could no longer use her phone nor care for herself properly. She lived with me for 3 weeks while I got an ALF line up. I made her 3 meals a day and administered her meds (digoxin, Xarelto, and levothyroxine). Within several days, she began speaking coherently again, dressing herself, and demonstrating normal behaviors and mental function. I was blown away by this. It’s possible the antibiotic knocked down something the ER didn’t catch, but my suspicion was that dehydration and malnutrition (and possibly erratic medication) all contributed to a greatly incapacitated state. Had I not brought her home for those three weeks and discovered this, it’s possible she would have ended up in either the hospital or a nursing home and on a batch of new meds when it was easily addressed by proper nutrition. She does have early stage dementia, and is very forgetful and sometimes unreasonable, but she functions independently and was a perfect candidate for AL.

My Daddy was a truck driver. He knew north, south, east, west - streets just by the name if they were one way or went through to the street you need. The day he couldn't tell me how to get to the store I took the keys away and made an appointment with the doctor. I had to insist on tests for ALZ. At first the doctor resisted but I talked to him privately what was happening!

I can only speak from mine and my husbands experience…everyone can have so many variables with dementia.

My husband was first diagnosed with MCI (mild cognitive impairment). He was always a bit of a scatter brain. His mother had dementia and it can run in families. He started getting worse and was having trouble at work. Previous to his MCI diagnosis, he’d come home and tell me he didn’t like his new boss and couldn’t “read” him. That was odd because he’d never said things like that before. Well, he lost his job a few months later. At that point, we both knew something was going on. He willingly went to a neurologist (another sign something was very wrong, because he wasn’t one to see Drs). That’s when he got the MCI diagnosis.

The neurologist said lay off the booze (it wasn’t that much, but it’s better not to have any). He said MCI doesn’t necessarily get worse, but with his mother having dementia, it’s a possibility.

A year later, he was diagnosed by a second neurologist with Alzheimer’s. He’s seen a third neurologist for another opinion, and MRI and got same diagnosis.

We are 2 yrs in. He no longer drives. He’s in an on and off state of confusion. A bit worse, but not too bad. He wants to help me around the hose, it it’s so frustrating because he gets confused so easily. He can longer handle money or pay bills. Needs help picking out clothes. Supervision when doing most things. But he has a good disposition for the most part.

Yes, there gets to be a difficulty understanding time. Yes, my husband was (is) increasingly needy and doesn’t want me far. We do everything together now. Do you have to tell her the same thing many times? Does she have trouble with concepts or reasoning? Have you looked over her finances…is everything being paid correctly? How’s the house…is it clean and orderly (or at least is it as it usually is)? How is she? Dressed appropriately for the weather? Clean? Again, you have to gauge how she is now, with how she used to be? Does she keep up with what’s going on around her? What day/date etc?

Yes, my husband can be unaware of what’s around him…he could leave a pan on the stove unattended. We only cook together (or just me mostly). He’s more clumsy than he used to be.

Your mom sounds like she’s having some issues. Can you suggest she see a Dr? Could you go with her? The first step is evaluation.

There are many things to be done is she’s having symptoms of dementia. First see a Dr. If she indeed has dementia, get power of attorney (durable and medical). Sort it out with your family - do you have any siblings or family members who can help? This in itself can dredge up a whole world if issues.

There are many resources…Alz.org is one. They also have a 24/7 hotline to call if nec. Dementia.com is another. There are online or in person support groups too for caregivers.

Yes, we all can forget stuff, and do dumb stuff. When she becomes oblivious to it, that’s a problem. When it happens more often then not, that’s a problem.
When she doesn’t do things she’s always done, said or thought, keep an eye out because that’s a problem.

Theres a ton of books and online resources. However you need an actual diagnosis first. If she doesn’t want to see a Dr, you may want to discuss with your own Dr (or hers) as to best way to proceed. You can also speak with a social worker if you think your mom is unsafe, a social worker can also advise you. Call the Alz.org number (go to website) they will also have some pointers.

Again, there’s lots to do, but you really need to start with her getting evaluated.

Yes, as many have said here…trust your intuition and knowledge of your mom…you know when something’s not right.

Thank you for asking this question. I have been wondering the same thing. The only thing I can add to the discussion is that you are not the only going through this!