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Sounds like you and your daughter do need to be not as available and see what happens, hard as that might be.
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It is bad, and I certainly understand your frustration!

There is one piece of this that doesn't require a lawyer or even a notary. The healthcare directive can be a do-it-yourself project. There are many good forms available online, at no cost. And it has nothing to do with finances, which should be reassuring to Dad. After they've filled it out their signature (each on their own document) needs to be witnessed. This can be by a notary but it can also be by two witnesses. The witnesses don't have to see the content -- they just need to witness that the person who signed it in front of them is known to them and is the person the signature says it is.
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Thank you all for your responses. In my situation (rural) I am never going to get a "housecall" lawyer nor am I going to gift them with new pajamas as I believe that they have an extensive supply. As for my Dad with finances, well, it is not a benign little curiousity, it is an obsession of major proportions where he screams at my Mom if I take her shopping with me and she spends some money. He wants cash in his pocket at all times but he won't even leave the house. He calls the bank relentlessly daily, over and over to check his balance. He wants to put off paying current bills so that he can have money. He tries to make deals on the telephone with different people to get more money. I just got his Sears account paid off last year (over $10,000 that he charged and went over the limit) by filing a claim on the disability insurance that was purchased on the account; now we find that he has gone behind Mom's back and reapplied for a new Sears card. He has called the bank to have money shifted that has been paid in on their revolving home equity loan (which is directly attached to their home loan) to the checking account if he thinks that his current total of cash is too low and he has transferred so much money from their savings to the checking, that it is almost gone. He spent it somehow. My mom refuses to go to the bank and start a separate savings account in her name in case of an emergency - I suggested this to her last April and she just sits around in her pajamas all day doing pretty much nothing while Dad sits around in his pajamas doing pretty much nothing except for money scheming on the telephone (he hides in other rooms and does it secretly). They refuse to sit down to plan for meals and shopping so that less money would be wasted that way. I am pretty much losing my mind and my daughter is as well. Maybe if my daughter and myself just stop helping them they will have to do something. I am afraid though as I started helping them and applied for his VA disability when I found out in the fall of 2016 that my Dad had been giving out so much money from their SS checks that they were continually in the red on their checking account ($675 overdrawn one month) and spending needless dollars on bounced check fees. It is bad.
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I have brought my mom to a lawyer to create a trust three times. Because of her anxiety she cannot make up her mind on what to do . The lawyer will not see her anymore unless he simply charges her his normal hourly fee for asking ore questions as he knows she cannot decided. I just posted on another thread my mom is not willing to fill out the paperwork for getting senior metro van ride service.
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Do your parents eat decent food when it is prepared for them? Is Meals on Wheels available in their area? My mother loved that, and was very pleased they always included dessert. If I'd ask how lunch was, she'd always start with dessert. "There was apple pie. The crust was good! Oh, and I think the meat was chicken today." If they were eating at least one meal a day with vegetables, meat, fruit, and bread, perhaps you could relax that concern a bit. Maybe then you and your daughter could quit trying, or at least reduce the number of meals she makes each week.

Do they like fruit? A basket of oranges and bananas sitting on the table might tempt them. Nothing to prepare!

Since Dad is very focused on finances, whatever creative incentive you make up should probably be about money.

A lawyer came to our house for my husband to sign all the paperwork. Maybe you could gift your parents new pajamas for the occasion!

You are absolutely right that getting the paperwork done and affairs in order will make your life easier and also make sure that their wishes are respected.

I'm one of seven children and none of us could convince Mother to do POAs or a healthcare directive. (We didn't care much about a will because we knew there was nothing to bequeath in any case.) One of Mother's nephews died. His children said he would not wish for his life to be extended artificially, but he hadn't put that in writing and there was no healthcare directive. So the hospital rules applied and he remained hooked up to machines for a certain number of days, according to the guidelines. Mom felt very bad about that and understood the value of making one's wishes known, but she still would not make out her own.

Not having that paperwork was never an obstacle for us taking care of her. It is pretty amazing, but the 4 girls never had conflicts, and discussed each issue as it came up. The 3 boys were OK with us making decisions. (We kept them informed.) The doctors and nursing home staff we dealt with were willing to let us make decisions. They did ask Mother if that was all right, but they didn't get that in writing.

So don't despair. This will all work out with or without the paperwork. But having it will be very worthwhile. I hope you can come up with something that persuades them to do it.
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Freqflyer, I have nothing against desserts or treats at all. I don't care if they eat it with their breakfast, lunch and supper. I don't think that you really are grasping what I was saying - on their own they will not eat real food, ever. I'm not kidding! Someone has to make meals, (which they will eat), for them as they just will not make any meals for themselves. My Dad has pain, oxygen and mobility issues and my Mom has some arthritis in one hip but if left to themselves they won't eat any real food. A person just cannot exist on cake and ice cream without developing health problems. I am about to quit even trying.
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Eyerishlass, it is both. My Dad mostly refuses to leave the house, my Mom will but not on her own and they don't really want to face doing the paperwork. I may have to make up a fib to get them to put their affairs in order so that someone can assist them when it becomes even more necessary.
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Stilltired, regarding the food issue, it is quite normal for when we age that we tend to lose our sense of taste, except for sweets. I feel once an elder reaches into their 80's and 90's, and if they want ice cream for breakfast you just ask "one scoop or two". Let them enjoy what they like even if all the food groups turn into the cookie aisle at the grocery store.

As for getting one's parents to update or create Wills and Power of Attorney, we need to use "theraputic fibs" for their best interest. My parents had dragged their feet on their legal paperwork that was older then dirt. I told Dad his Will was so out of date that the government would take half of his estate. I know that was a fib, but it did get my parents over to the Elder Law Attorney to update all the legal documents :)
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I've heard of some elder care lawyers who make house calls. You can try to find one in your area that will come to your parent's home. But that only solves part of your problem. If you could get a lawyer to come to your parent's home will your parent's be receptive to it? You can't force them to sign anything they don't want to sign. Is it that they won't leave the house or that they don't want to deal with the wills, paperwork, and POA? Or both?
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