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Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
It is my mother in law. In fact her family will lie for her because they are scared she will end up on their doorstep. I gave up everything to help her, and now all I do is take abuse. Please someone, I need help.
Does your MIL live with you? If so, that's a more complicated problem than if she doesn't live with you. I hope you can provide more details so we can try to help you better.
What does your spouse think? Your elder is more than you can handle and this arrangement is going to come to an end sooner or later. You can't control the actions of her family. You can only control your own actions so you need to stop what you are doing and let the family make other arrangements for her care.
The red flag was when your MIL’s family eased her caregiving onto the back of a relatively innocent new comer, her daughter in law. You never know your in laws thoroughly, I don’t think. They are using their ‘company manners’ with you and many times sincerely want your friendship. So I doubt you’d ever really seen your MIL on a full speed tear, like the closer relatives have seen and experienced. So true, it’s survival here when they hide and make sure she doesn’t end up ruining THEIR lives! They know her. About that time somehow it just seemed sensible to have YOU pitch in, and MIL and you had coexisted peacefully in the past. How hard can it be? Answer is undoable, that’s how hard.
OK, the broken brain analogy...true their brain is withering away. But personality plays a factor. A big one many times, a mean toddler becomes a mean teenager becomes a mean old lady. The filters of the adult are gone. Which brings me to the problem.
No one in the immediate family can deal with MIL. You have got to TELL your husband (he’s around?) you are through. And he has to get the rest of the family on board for a new caregiver(s) preferably at AL or the appropriate venue. He MUST do this because you are not continuing.
If he ignores you then you’ve got a different problem and you might have to just walk out on them all.
Your profile doesn’t say what Mom’s issues are. Just “I’m caring for my mother living at home.” Over and over. Is it your mother or mother-in-law? Profile says mother and post says mother-in-law.
How is “her family” lying for her? Who are they lying to? Are they your family as well? Was she always this abusive or does she have dementia? How are you supporting yourself?
If she has dementia and you know anything about the disease, you know that dementia can bring out the abusive worst in some people. They’re brain is “broken” and they don’t understand that what they’re saying hurts people. If she was always like this, why did you agree to take her in?
You say the family is afraid your mother will get dumped on their doorstep. Well, have a meeting with them and talk about applying for Medicaid and placing your mother in a facility. She will have to be tested to see what sort of facility she belongs in.
Keep in mind that if she does have dementia, unfortunately it will only get worse and so will the abuse. You need to advocate for yourself in this. You can only be used by her and her family, if you let yourself be. By the way, if the abuse is physical, you can call the authorities or Adult Protective Services and tell them she is physically assaulting you and you fear for your safety.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Does your MIL live with you? If so, that's a more complicated problem than if she doesn't live with you. I hope you can provide more details so we can try to help you better.
OK, the broken brain analogy...true their brain is withering away. But personality plays a factor. A big one many times, a mean toddler becomes a mean teenager becomes a mean old lady. The filters of the adult are gone. Which brings me to the problem.
No one in the immediate family can deal with MIL. You have got to TELL your husband (he’s around?) you are through. And he has to get the rest of the family on board for a new caregiver(s) preferably at AL or the appropriate venue. He MUST do this because you are not continuing.
If he ignores you then you’ve got a different problem and you might have to just walk out on them all.
How is “her family” lying for her? Who are they lying to? Are they your family as well? Was she always this abusive or does she have dementia? How are you supporting yourself?
If she has dementia and you know anything about the disease, you know that dementia can bring out the abusive worst in some people. They’re brain is “broken” and they don’t understand that what they’re saying hurts people. If she was always like this, why did you agree to take her in?
You say the family is afraid your mother will get dumped on their doorstep. Well, have a meeting with them and talk about applying for Medicaid and placing your mother in a facility. She will have to be tested to see what sort of facility she belongs in.
Keep in mind that if she does have dementia, unfortunately it will only get worse and so will the abuse. You need to advocate for yourself in this. You can only be used by her and her family, if you let yourself be. By the way, if the abuse is physical, you can call the authorities or Adult Protective Services and tell them she is physically assaulting you and you fear for your safety.