Follow
Share
Read More
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
At 72 I think I have the right to tell my grandson to sit down and be quiet. If you can't be then go outside to play. Its my home, my rules and its always been that way. The 10 yr old should know better.

Your daughter is at fault here. There is a certain way you behave in someone elses house even if a grandmother's. Your daughter should be more sympathetic to her grandmother.

And bringing up the past. My oldest has always dramatized things. My youngest is a realist. Oldest will say something happened a certain way and youngest will tell her that's not the way it happened. I have a SIL I have never gotten along with. For years we spent Thanksgiving with my MIL and sometimes that meant going to SILs because MIL was there. Oldest made the statement one day she never understood why I went to SILs house for TG when we didn't get along. I said because ur grandmother was there. Oldest's response "Oh". We were told by a therapist even if we didn't agree with something our oldest said, acknowledge that's how she preceived it. "Sorry, never knew u felt that way".

To be honest, you and daughter may need some therapy sessions together. Why does she feel that its OK for grandson to act the way he does? Why aren't her grandmothers needs important? The elderly cannot take all that running around and screaming. I can't take that running around and screaming. Children are children but there is a time and place for everything.
Helpful Answer (8)
Report

You say you love your grandkids and want to be around them, so maybe it's time to work with your daughters for some creative solutions for the next gathering. As a mom who raised 3 rambunctious sons, and hosted their rambunctious friends for years at my home, I understand both your perspective and your daughter's.

For example: would it be possible to have the next holiday at a rented party room? My SIL did this when they downsized into an apartment after they sold their home. They were hosting Thanksgiving because I host Christmas and I can't do both. The party room was very nice, with a large tv, a full kitchen and lots of space for the kids to run around -- less worry about stuff getting bumped, more space to separate your mom from the noise & activity. It will be clean when you get there, then you just clean it up before you leave. Or, maybe arrange for your mom to go to adult day care for part of the day when the kids are at your home? Not saying any of these are a solution, but just encouraging you to think outside the box and be willing to be flexible -- your grandkids will grow up quickly and you don't want to miss that! Blessings to you!
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

If you, your husband and your mom are good with how things are set up in your home, then you don't have to change anything for your daughter. As Barb said, she is free to visit or not, as she sees fit.

BUT - I think she's trying to emotionally blackmail you: do as I say, or lose access to your grandchild. I think that's pretty reprehensible on her part. If things are as you say, it seems to me like her issue isn't your caregiving for your mom, it's that while you do so, her child can't run uncontrolled through your house as I suspect he does through hers.

Just as she has the right to set boundaries, so do you. You mom notwithstanding, she should not allow her child to misbehave in your home, especially if you have told him and her that his actions disturb you. And if he's hurting his 5 year old cousin - how does your other daughter feel about this?

The next time she tells you to do as she wishes or she won't be coming to visit, call her bluff - "gee, I'm sorry you feel that way. We'll miss you." Because I really think the more you acquiesce to her demands, the more she's going to demand of you.
Helpful Answer (15)
Report

If your daughter has a 10 year old who can't be trusted to be around a 5 year old cousin, she has one heck of a big problem.

I'm sorry that she doesn't like your set up; she is free to set a boundary and decide not to visit.

You can't change her mind. Keep in touch via phone, text and cards.
Helpful Answer (16)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter