My narcissistic mother with mod dementia- has had these crazy outbursts at me- scapegoat- specifically - at public and/ or family events. It is humiliating for me. I do not wish to go grey rock or "no contact" with my other family members- who I love. Yes- some are flying monkeys for survival. I think they are secretly glad they are not the ones in the hot seat. My mother is ok - even friendly - when we are alone. I do not understand why she would create publicly embarrassing situations for me. One very helpful thing - has been to sit right beside her at the table, so I am out of her line of vision- at public gatherings. Please send suggestions for dealing with holiday or public gatherings. If I speak up-and call her on her behavior publicly- when it happens- people who are not aware- can think you are the evil one. I also do not want to make a public scene - much worse. What a mess. Please send suggestions that have helped you survive public events. Thank you for your understanding and compassion on this forum.
I'm glad you had a nice mom who adored you. Seriously though the bit about women loving little girls like crazy, and dementia or not they love children. That's outrageous and totally ridiculous.
Dude, clearly you have not met my mother. In my family unit the sun shone out of my brother's every orifice and he was the Messiah to her. My sister and I were pretty much useless. I was the family scapegoat and took the abuse. If I took the slightest pride in some achievement or exhibited the tiniest glimmer of self-esteem and confidence, my mother would grind that right down to dust. The smallest imperfections or flaws had to be highlighted and pointed out every time and repeatedly. And, last but not least I could never put a morsel of food in my mouth without a double-helping of mom's public shaming and chastisement for dessert.
It's a miracle that I didn't grow up and become a drug addict or alcoholic.
I was not a little girl that was loved like crazy. I grew up in so much gaslighting, scapegoating, and mental abuse that I almost went crazy. Not the same thing though.
Alzheimer's is a non-traumatic injury, demonstrable, usually, by CT scan. Some types of CVA (stroke) can be helped with long-term therapy, but it is considered to be healthy brain cells "learning" new functions. Hemorrhagic strokes, (bleeding into the brain) usually cover a wider-spread area and have a poor prognosis. Alzheimers is a degenerative disease, an ultimately fatal one, the cause of which is not fully understood.
I'm not an MD, but I've worked with brain injured patients for many years and never known of anyone with Alzheimer's show anything but fleeting improvement (usually due to medication). Sadly, its a degenerative process. Please feel free to research this subject further with any reliable medical source.
—that he’s a psychologist. but he fails to know that sons/daughters are often treated differently by their mothers?
—that he knows how to heal various illnesses
—etc.
I think you nailed it right there. It sure sounds like RichCapableSon is inventing some things.
Maryjann,
Thank-you for your kind words. No, life has not brought me many comforts or any really. What is has given me is an uncanny insight into human behavior.
"No, life has not brought me many comforts or any really."
:( :( :(
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i have been given many, many, many things.
my family gave me a lot.
hugs burnt!!
i wish things to turn around for you.
one needs some luck, to bump into wonderful people!
there are mannny wonderful people!
there's always hope.
suddenly things get better, the clouds go away, some problems are solved.
life is better.
it helps of course, to get away from mean people.
and that's not always possible, i know.
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step by step, i wish us all to get rid of our problems.
expect a lot from life. go for it!!! :)
pre-xmas hugs!!! :) :)
What she is doing is abusive and you shouldn't continue to let her get away with it. Maybe, just maybe, she will stop if she thinks you are quitting because of her vile mouth. My dad got off on humiliating people and I would turn the tables as often as possible. He learned that he could very well be the humiliated one if he pulled this abuse with me. He actually thought he was funny. That's what narcs do.
He has some good techniques for dealing with older people in general. These suggestions are especially valuable for professionals or occasional visitors... and sometimes for family members, too.
Yes, it's true that not all people with Alzheimer's are non-stop angry or vindictive. But their care is generally difficult, especially as the disease progresses. I did not have narcissistic parents. But I certainly admire the many strong caregivers who visit this site, coping with great personal difficulties, yet reaching out to others with encouragement and compassion.