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idk if anyone remembers me but
I have been low/no contact
now he can't control his bowels
his gastro told me he needs a colonoscopy which he should have had when he couldn't control his bowels a year ago
the doctor told me to call an ambulance to take him to the hospital to admit him and plead my case that he can't go home so the prep can be done in the hospital
Hospitals don't admit anyone for the prep no matter what there age
tried to explain it to him but he didn't get it
he has a test next week, idk if he will survive the prep he wants one of us to drive him but his car is filthy and he is a nasty mean spirited person I am hiring a service and using his credit card
I am doing my best not to be involved anymore, I don't go there or call him
I emailed my sister but never heard back

Mary,

I don't think you're exaggerating at all. I believe your father is exactly how you say. Many people have aging parents or other family members exactly like him and are in the same boat as you.

Do you know what co-dependency is? It would be very good for you to learn about it because this is the relationship you have with your father. You feed off each other. As much as you despise the misery of interacting with him and the dysfunctional, abusive relationship the two of you have, you keep going back for more. You are addicted to misery. You keep coming back for more and doing for your father and he knows you will. Unless you decide you aren't going to play his games anymore. I don't say this to hurt your feelings. It's the truth. People can become so mired in a dysfunctional, toxic relationship that they become addicted to the behaviors within it.

The only way to break yourself free of the toxic and abusive relationship you have with your father is to put the work in with your own recovery from co-dependency. Learn about it. Go to therapy. Learn what your triggers are and how to deal with them in healthy ways that will be beneficial to maintaining your mental health.

I feel for you. I really do because I've been where you are. You don't have to be in this kind of relationship with your father or anyone else.
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mary543 5 hours ago
Thank you! I did go to a therapist but she just asked questions and didn't give any advice. It was like I was talking to myself. I will try another
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Does he not need someone to go with him before and after or the procedure won't be done( unless that has changed)?
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mary543 5 hours ago
No that is true
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Tell his doctor to call the hospital and tell them prep needs to be done there that this man is not capable of doing it himself. Lives alone with no one to help him.

This is the time to get him placed. Talk to a SW at the hospital and say he is an unsafe discharge. He has no one to care for him. He needs to be placed. Do not give them your phone#. Just hang up.

As long as you are an option, the powers that be will do nothing.
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Beedevil66 10 hours ago
If he can't control his bowels, hospital would not want to deal with the mess if he can't make it to the bathroom several times.
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Alas, poor Mary… You haven’t been low/no contact if you scream every time the phone rings.

He is an adult who is apparently capable to make his own decisions. Not good decisions, but his own. You have to honor and respect that. He is his own person making his own choices. It is what it is, and you can’t change that just because a moment of genetics that was not your doing accidentally tied you to him.

Time after time - 17 posts by Geaton’s count - you’ve asked here how to be free of this nightmare. You didn’t break him, and you can’t fix him, but you’re allowing him to destroy you. Please, try again to free yourself.
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idk why I can't delete my posts

thank you all this as been a nightmare and it ruins every day of my life

am I exaggerating? I am not sure

the last time he called saying he needs to go to the hospital he decided he wouldn't go and proceeded to tell me he wants to die to be with my mother or something

Every time the phone rings I scream

I have written this before but I walked away and now he is at the end of life or maybe not and he still has an attitude that we owe him

he is just an awful person, I hate to say it but everyone dislikes him including family members I have known since I was born
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Thank you all

I will hire a service to transport him and charge it to his credit card

edited to remove the "maybes"
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I would stop helping him at all. True no contact. Block his number and do not check up on him.
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That is nice of you, Mary. Why don't you consider this your final interaction with your father, and then block his number so that he can't contact you for anything again.
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mary543 5 hours ago
yes
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