My mom's caregiver that works for an agency asked me for $165.00 to have her heat turned back on. I’m a RN and make good money...but I have never been asked by a caregiver for money. I told her I didn’t have it, she knew I was lying but I don’t think it’s good practice for caregivers to ask family members for money. I asked her to ask her agency for an advance in her pay and she said they gave it to her. Have you ever been asked for money? I did give her a bonus for Christmas but that’s all.
I put a set amount of money for dad. I also log every cash that goes out and I replace. When I check the envelope and cash is missing- I saw that oldest sis wrote down that dad told her to give the same caregiver money. I noticed that she came once or twice a month. I didn't report her because my dad was improving due to her. He would do whatever she told him - exercise his arms, his legs, etc... I weighed the pros and the cons.
You all are right. It does escalate. One day, she agreed to take him out. I knew that this was very dangerous because no one has POA over dad. It would be sooo simple for her to take him to her lawyer and have him sign her as one. I said no, that she can't take him. She just completely ignored me. Didn't even look at me. She made an appointment with him on Thursday. This was a Tuesday.
What the caregiver forgot - was that she was working under an organization that's for the home caregiver - Me. Not my dad. I was the client. So, I wrote to my social worker the whole story of what so-and-so was doing. That I have documented all the cash she took from my dad, and that I even had her sign the cash log out sheet once. I also had a copy of the Home Depot receipt that she gave me to show what she was using dad's money for. (Her personal use.) I also told my SW that in all these months, every time so-and-so took money, I told all my family about it. So, everyone knows what's been going on these past few months. I mentioned she was going to take dad on Thursday. When I said no, she ignored me.
She was immediately pulled away from caregiving. HR will be handling the situation. And SW reassured me that they have informed her to stay away from us, my dad and my family. When they asked me why I didn't tell them right away, I said that dad really liked her and was improving under her. I know that it was wrong to wait so long... Would I do it again? Yes ! (She was one of many who helped my dad calm down from a mean old bitter physically abusive man to a bit nicer person.)
I documented everything and oldest sis (stays home) updated me.
Maybe she feels comfortable and can trust you...perhaps she has nowhere else to turn and no support system. I'm not saying to give it to her, yet in desperate times such as these, ppl are doing unusual things.
By all means, trust your intuition.
I would go back and tell her the truth. Tell her you said that because you were uncomfortable and didn't think it was appropriate. Encourage her to open up and tell you more about her situation, and then you can offer all these great ideas...She may just need a lil support...
I'm not quick to dismiss anyone anymore....it's tough out there ppl (however, I also don't have "sucker" written on my forehead)
Go slow. It's harmless to talk it through before taking any other steps....
I wish it *could* be recommended, sigh.
this should not occur.
this is an abuse.
There may be some people that would think that if I don;t give the care giver extra money they they will not take good care of "Mom".
If you do give this person money it will not be the last time that they ask.
And just think this is asking one family...if this care giver works with more families and they ask each one..that is a lot of extra income that is never reported.
Ok just call me a cynic....
I too was asked by one of FIL’s caregivers. I happened to know that every agency I worked with in their hospice programs as a provider myself had very strict rules against such a thing and I told the caregiver this.
As much as I liked this individual, I reported her to the supervisor because she crossed the line of professionalism.
I knew that either way, we were in a lose-lose situation and I resented her for putting me in that position.
If I gave her the money, she’d continue to ask. If I didn’t I’d run the risk of her being resentful and either taking her frustrations out on Dad in some fashion or decide that taking something of value from our house would be okay.
Come to think of it... How do you know she hasn't asked all her clients?
I don't mean you shouldn't be sympathetic to her difficulties, as you might be to anyone who discussed their money worries with you. But if she's struggling to make ends meet then it's a bigger issue than some kind person bailing her out "just this once" will solve. What more do you know about this lady?