When we visit my husband in dementia care facllity he immediately asks "When can I go home" Or, I want to go with you and stay at your house.
We try to divert but this works only for 2 min and he asks again and again. And we go in this circle until we are worn out and have to leave.
My question is: Are we using the wrong type of diversion? We have also tried to explain that he needs "special" care which only the people here can give you.
Or the dr said you must stay here for awhile His reply is I have never seen a dr. there is no dr here. (The dr sees him once a week)
Any help from anyone who has gone through this?
It is hard but hang in there, many hugs!!
Some years ago, a brother-in-law of mine, about 37 yrs old, and a person who always had a very good memory, decided to go back to the "home town" he had moved from about 15 yrs previously. Told everybody, made a big deal about it.
30 days later he was back. "There weren't any freeways, and the place was full of strangers." I realized that when he said "back to my home town", what he really meant is that he wanted to go back 20 years in his life.
Older folks with dementias don't do well with change. They want to go back to a comfortable memory, which to them is "home."
At one time we had a guy in our town who lived above his antique shop. He got beat up for trying to break up a bar fight, and he was attacked outside. He had severe injuries and no one thought he would survive. Lo and behold he survived but he was put in a local nursing home. I don't know to what extent his brain damage was from the beating, but he had to what extent his brain damage was from the beating, but there was enough damage he had to be placed in a nursing home. I don't know the whole situation, but I heard he wanted to come home so bad he walked out and all the way back into town before he was found. I don't know who found him, but he was almost home when he was spotted and captured. I don't know if he was taken returned to that exact facility, but I heard he was taken out of town and rehomed. They had to take him pretty far from his old home because he would've gone right back home. The funny thing is since he lived right above his store, he lived in the downtown area in a business zoned building. There would've been no breaking in where he lived, it was a pretty secure place. I'm actually surprised he didn't make it all the way home, he could've spent the night at his home where he wanted to be. There are some specific cases where I don't blame the person for going AWOL, good for them! However, there are other cases were the person just doesn't need to be out and about without supervision. What's good for one may not necessarily be good for another, each case is different
And many of them don't recognize their last home. My husband, 71, diagnosed three years ago, doesn't recognize this house that we bought together 30 years ago. The only place that would feel like home to him would be the apartment that he moved out of 40+ years ago, and he would expect his father still to be there.
After a recent outing in which he was trying to direct us to his Ohio home, we re-directed him to a fast food restaurant and then headed for home (here). Upon our arrival, he was awed that we were able to get his house (from here) up to Ohio and then further amazed that we got our house (from here) up there also.
By the next day we were back to square one again. "Gotta get my car and get my wife and go home to Ohio".
And so it goes!
We've experienced a few wandering episodes over the last few years. but since we're in a rural area and our property is fenced and the gate is kept closed and locked, thankfully that is no longer an issue. And I will say that since hubby and I have retired we have more time to spend with Dad. But he still wants to "Go Home".