I have been looking at some of the other articles on this. When we had dad over for Christmas yesterday (he lives on his own with the help of caregivers), he brought up the fact he would really like to go see his nieces and nephews this spring. The car trip would be a minimum of 4 hours on a good day, but potentially looking at 5-6 hours on a bad traffic day. He uses a walker and this would require multiple rest stops. He is very, very frail. I really, REALLY don't want to do this. Just spending every Saturday afternoon with him is exhausting to me. There's the med management situation plus the care of his legs (he's diabetic). He said he would pay for a place for us to stay but I don't want to share a hotel room with him and he would be very confused on his own. I just don't think he could do it. Possibly one of them would let us stay. His grown nieces and nephews are pushing him to get me to take him up there (I am the only one here in town with him - I've been managing his care for almost 4 years and was recently awarded guardianship). They have not seen him for many years and I'm afraid they don't realize how frail he has gotten. My sister lives there and suggested that possibly her daughter could meet me half way and they could take him the rest of the way and manage him for an overnight stay to give me a break. I did read in one of the articles to talk to his doctors. I could run this by his geriatric psych and primary care doctor if you think that would be good. I am at a loss and maybe I'm worrying about this all too soon but I really don't want to do this but feeling like I don't have a choice.
UPDATE: As I was typing in this website, she called me back. No, she does not recommend a trip like that for him. She said it would be too much. He is not going to understand so I don't think I'll bring it up to him unless he asks again-sometimes he forgets. I also asked her about an official diagnosis for him as she's never really said. "Mixed dementia". A bit of this, a bit of that, I guess.
Definitely don't offer anything, but if he brings it up, what I find works well (may not always work for everyone or all the time, but worth a try) is reply with something like 'tomorrow' or 'next week' or 'soon', not today...
When I have done that, mom will say OK, and then it is forgotten. She does not live with me, so I would not get a questions like that all the time, only when I visit, but generally they have no sense of time and short-term memory loss will help them forget... for a bit... easier to defer than argue or try to explain anything...
Make it fun. Schedule a weekend with 'uncle' for some point in the near future.
You're jumping through too many hoops and driving yourself crazy. Come up with the easiest way to get this done.
You might start a yearly family reunion if all goes well.
They likely have no concept of his current illness state and confusion.
It would not be 'safe' for him to make such an extended trip. Just because your father is asking to go does not mean that he SHOULD make such a trip. Elderly persons tend to overestimate their own abilities and see themselves as they "used" to be when they were in their middle-aged prime.