Dear Forum Friends:
It’s been nearly two years since my bride began exhibiting delusions and even acts of violence. These only lasted for a few weeks. But the confusion continued. After many months of testing and doctor’s appointments it was determined she was suffering with early and sudden onset of Alzheimer’s. Our lives changed.
In the last 3 months progression of the disease has ramped up significantly. So much that it has taken me to a decision I knew would come, but hoping I would never have to make.
Next week I will be placing bride of nearly 32 years in a Memory Care facility. It is a good one that will work with her to try and teach her functional ADLs (Activities of Daily Living). While these may only be retained for few minutes, it is hopeful they will give her a bit better quality of life. This type of teaching is called the Montessori system. There is only one such facility here in South Carolina, that I am aware of, but is only minutes away from our new home in Summerville.
The move to a memory care facility is going to be hard for her to understand. I will be crying my eyes out. I feel I’m betraying my bride on a promise of “Till death do us part”. Just a few weeks ago she said to me, “Please don’t throw me away.” I have done everything I can to keep her home and to honor our joint desire to care for one another, even to having 24/7 caregivers. It takes two people present, at all times, to care for her. And I have become very weary.
Having my Love in a care facility will be very helpful to her because she’ll have not only caregivers but also have medical professionals there at all times. It’s the painful emotions knowing my wife will never live with me again. That is what hurts the most.
I would ask you to pray for us during this painful transition. But also please pray for my bride’s quick passing. It’s what she needs the most.
You might want to discuss your plans for her and yourself with an Elder Law Attorney. A joint appointment with a Geriatric Psychiatrist will give you both an opportunity to learn more about which medications can be helpful for the transition and what may be helpful in other situations.
Montessori is a wonderful learning program for children, I wouldn't expect anything less for adults: didn't know it existed, but that's great. They may have suggestions for games that she could use at the facility.
We are all human..............we must decide how much stress we can cope with. There is no point in two people dying from one disease; be grateful for all that you've had and learn about the 5 stages of Grief, if you're not already familiar.
Be well.
I just made the decision to admit my wife to Long Term Care.
It hurts down to my soul.
If you are not already part of a caregiver support group, I recommend you find one. It helps to talk to people in the same situation.
Micjael