Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Im full time caretaker for mom 73, diabetic, Alzheimer's w/Dementia diagnosed last Summer. Daddy 88. Im so exhausted all the time and don't know when I can take real break. Always something to do. All I do these days is cry.
It's my experience that the depression/resentments/burnouts come in waves. Sometimes doing all those things was the most rewarding "job", other times it was such a heavy load that I would do my "job" then go to straight to bed and cry.
I regret not getting respite care sooner. I searched and found a good local company that I could hire on an hourly basis (2 hour min. at $20 p/hr) to come in and help out with light house keeping and companionship for my mother, allowing me time to myself to go shopping, go to lunch with a friend, or go to a movie.
Give yourself a break. Going to a hotel is a great idea. You might try it again, and approach it as a vacation. Because it is! You won't be much help to your mom if you don't take care of yourself too.
Good luck, I know how hard this is. I'll say it again, give yourself a break, you've earned it. You're doing a great job! Pat yourself on the back and be proud everything you do. Your mother is lucky to have you :)
Losing one's self to care giving an elderly parent is easy to do and we all know its h3ll. My story of burnout actually cost me my health earlier this year. Last fall my folks were in a terrible situation (mom in recovery after a brain injury, dad ill and in the hospital) and they had to come back to be near their kids who were nearly 150 miles away. None of my siblings stepped up. It was just me and my husband. I won't even bore you with the details of getting them up here but we did it. They are now in an assisted living place that is about 2 miles from us and a good one. However....the stress and depression this caused me broke down my immune system. I easily caught pneumonia in January which took me about three months to finally rid myself of because of the damage it does to one’s body. Stress and depression will break down your immune system! Be careful! It was a great lesson to be learned! I love them both but they have lived life, owned homes, traveled extensively, had a family, done just about everything they have ever wanted to do. It’s the way life is supposed to be. I couldn't be happier for them. All I need to do it visit and make sure they are OK. But I won't get drawn into the drama anymore. Dad needs to get a POA now. I refuse to take it. I have advised them both to use their CPA friend of 30 years and they have agreed. He will also be their executor. I have no guilt. I have been a very good daughter. I am so damn lucky they are living where they are but they did lived with us for nearly a month before they got in. I almost went out of my mind! I really feel for so many of you that have elderly parents at home. I would be dead by now if my parents lived here permanently. My parents come over here about once a week and it’s an OK visit. I am trying to encourage them to reach out to the people at their facility. Super nice folks there! It all takes time. This will get worse as the years progress and believe me I would far rather get a call from their facility that one of them passed away in their sleep. What a blessing for them! We baby boomers that are helping our aging parents let's remember these days when we get older. Don't allow your family to give up their lives for you. Not fair! Save your money! Make sure you have a place to go. Make sure your directive is honored and not allow someone that can override it due to emotion! Make sure your living trust is in place. Death is not to be feared. It’s a part of life. I am 53 and hoping I will live as long as my parents at 83 and beyond. Our time on earth is limited. Another thing I learned after all this is the following…. There are worse things than death. For example: being kept alive by ventilators, peg tubes, sleeping 20 hours a day, can’t even get to the bathroom without help, diapers, dementia, no driving, pate foods, need I go on? Not going to be me.
my mom fell and broke two lower ribs 3 days ago. She is 93 and has later stages of dementia. I am by myself caring for her with the help of a caregiver thank god for that! I got VA aid and attendance in which, I am so grateful. I am told things will get worst and I know but I guess I don't want to hear it. I guess I just fell depress like this will never end does this sound terrible. I love my mom but it should have been different. I just hope my children are not faced with the same situation. I guess I am feeling sorry for my self and I know I need some release and I just feel bad for the fall and sad because of her pain. I guess I need to vent...thank you
Also if your folks own their home, get power of attorney & place their house under your name if you are the only family fulltime carer this will help everyone later especially you otherwise in oz the lawyers & nursing homes take most elderly assets & the care you give is priceless !
Hi , ive got the same problem for 6 trs straight , recently i stopped fulltime work & its worse , its been 24/7 for 6 yrs And carer stress gets worse! Call the age care assessment persons & tell them! Ring tge carer help line & tell them! Get a social worker envolved & tell them! There is respite at home or in a nursing home! All the help lines will give you advise! Try everything! Get community help at home & in a government facility where carers or helpers come to the house & help for...? Depends on your government set up ! Or people cone to pick up your folks for the day ! Or there are day centres for dementia elders or 1 month facility respite where your folks are looked after by nurses in a nursing home for 1 wk or 1 month...or if you have money pay cash for home carer respite or there is gvt goverment high care .../ dementia help!!! Im in oz , you are in ? States? In any event its a hard maze cause the system has left my mum & me down and no matter how many doors i knocked on non of them opened i had to force my way in to get mum correct medical help for oarkinson , dementia,... And non of my siblings helped except for my bro when he was is the country but unless you get real help eg gvt assistance 5 hours a day at least for free with high care carer help for a couple of months you will get sick mentally & physically!!! Oh yeah my mum refuses nursing homes & her meds are all wrong & tge system make her sick by misdiagnosing her for 25 yrs thats how she hot parkinsons & i think the drugs most elders take kills their brain cells & in some cases they just call it dementia ... Their medication side effects cause real damage ! Get help from anyone cause you will get very sick cause thats what will gappen if you continue! Depression will get worse & then how will you save yourself! Remember family or people who refuse to help you are time wasters if its government well report them ! If its family well move on cause you cannot force peopke to love you or help you! You will find most people will abandon you so do not let that make you sad! It is what it is! So only associate with people who will help you !
U r right. I can't do this long term. Im always exhausted, never rested now and its only get worse. My coping skills r n need of improvement. Its depressing me to think what lies ahead of me. Im only 44, single, no kids, not dating anyone? When do I have time. I need to find myself again. Thanks! U have given me a reality check.
WOW! I need go counseling talk through feeling. You have some great points. I need a Care Plan. I have health issues and have been on disability since 2013. Im trying improve my health problems so I can work again. I guess I haven't looked at big picture realistically how long this could last. I am trying pay off my car so that would help me financially.
It seems to me you are placing too much importance on you being there, but I may not have all the info yet.
Dad is 88, but is he still competent? Why can he not supervise your mom?
Neither one needs assistance with mobility, bathing or toileting yet?
You gave up your job to move in, are you not being compensated? If not then visiting a lawyer and drawing up a caregiving contract should be a number one priority... how will you manage your own old age if you impoverish yourself now?
Mom is only 73, she can easily live another decade, and although dad may seem old at 88 many men are now living into their late 90s. As they become more frail and dependent your burdens will only increase. Be sure you understand what the future may hold, do you see yourself still there in ten years providing physical care?
I guess Im so exhausted now. I can't even come up with a plan. Have keep going bcuz there is noone else do it right now. I am gonna look into meal on wheels cuz that would help alot. I do have siblings that come down 4 weekend help out but I haven't been going anywhere when they do come. I have lost myself while taking care of them so I don't know how to relax. I went to hotel Saturday night couldn't rest, eat, just cried,felt guilty leaving parents, mad bcuz had go start back over sunday. So n my eyes it was waste of $. ,I just need a real break at least 3 days 3 nights. Not responsible anyone but me. Do nothing. The issue is $ bcuz Im on fixed income, not being paid much take care of them. Finances are major issue. So I have to save up 4 it. Moved back home 2 1/2 years ago. No vacation yet. Parents r still able walk, hygiene needs, but I do all cooking, driving,grocery shopping, etc,
Reach out. It is rare that there is truly nothing that can be done to give yourself a break, there may be friends or family who would step in if you have the courage to ask. Be reasonable but specific about your needs... just one afternoon away might be a place to start. In the long term you will feel more in control if you are able to come up with a plan. You obviously can't continue the way things are, so decide what you are still willing and able to do. If they need paid caregivers or to move then explore ways to get it done. If you tell us more about yourself we can offer more specific advice. It's OK, we're here for you. ((hugs))
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I regret not getting respite care sooner. I searched and found a good local company that I could hire on an hourly basis (2 hour min. at $20 p/hr) to come in and help out with light house keeping and companionship for my mother, allowing me time to myself to go shopping, go to lunch with a friend, or go to a movie.
Give yourself a break. Going to a hotel is a great idea. You might try it again, and approach it as a vacation. Because it is! You won't be much help to your mom if you don't take care of yourself too.
Good luck, I know how hard this is. I'll say it again, give yourself a break, you've earned it. You're doing a great job! Pat yourself on the back and be proud everything you do. Your mother is lucky to have you :)
My story of burnout actually cost me my health earlier this year.
Last fall my folks were in a terrible situation (mom in recovery after a brain injury, dad ill and in the hospital) and they had to come back to be near their kids who were nearly 150 miles away. None of my siblings stepped up. It was just me and my husband.
I won't even bore you with the details of getting them up here but we did it. They are now in an assisted living place that is about 2 miles from us and a good one. However....the stress and depression this caused me broke down my immune system. I easily caught pneumonia in January which took me about three months to finally rid myself of because of the damage it does to one’s body. Stress and depression will break down your immune system! Be careful!
It was a great lesson to be learned!
I love them both but they have lived life, owned homes, traveled extensively, had a family, done just about everything they have ever wanted to do. It’s the way life is supposed to be. I couldn't be happier for them.
All I need to do it visit and make sure they are OK. But I won't get drawn into the drama anymore.
Dad needs to get a POA now. I refuse to take it. I have advised them both to use their CPA friend of 30 years and they have agreed. He will also be their executor.
I have no guilt. I have been a very good daughter. I am so damn lucky they are living where they are but they did lived with us for nearly a month before they got in. I almost went out of my mind! I really feel for so many of you that have elderly parents at home.
I would be dead by now if my parents lived here permanently. My parents come over here about once a week and it’s an OK visit. I am trying to encourage them to reach out to the people at their facility. Super nice folks there! It all takes time. This will get worse as the years progress and believe me I would far rather get a call from their facility that one of them passed away in their sleep. What a blessing for them!
We baby boomers that are helping our aging parents let's remember these days when we get older. Don't allow your family to give up their lives for you. Not fair! Save your money! Make sure you have a place to go. Make sure your directive is honored and not allow someone that can override it due to emotion! Make sure your living trust is in place. Death is not to be feared. It’s a part of life. I am 53 and hoping I will live as long as my parents at 83 and beyond.
Our time on earth is limited. Another thing I learned after all this is the following….
There are worse things than death. For example: being kept alive by ventilators, peg tubes, sleeping 20 hours a day, can’t even get to the bathroom without help, diapers, dementia, no driving, pate foods, need I go on? Not going to be me.
And carer stress gets worse!
Call the age care assessment persons & tell them! Ring tge carer help line & tell them! Get a social worker envolved & tell them! There is respite at home or in a nursing home! All the help lines will give you advise! Try everything! Get community help at home & in a government facility where carers or helpers come to the house & help for...? Depends on your government set up ! Or people cone to pick up your folks for the day ! Or there are day centres for dementia elders or 1 month facility respite where your folks are looked after by nurses in a nursing home for 1 wk or 1 month...or if you have money pay cash for home carer respite or there is gvt goverment high care .../ dementia help!!! Im in oz , you are in ? States? In any event its a hard maze cause the system has left my mum & me down and no matter how many doors i knocked on non of them opened i had to force my way in to get mum correct medical help for oarkinson , dementia,... And non of my siblings helped except for my bro when he was is the country but unless you get real help eg gvt assistance 5 hours a day at least for free with high care carer help for a couple of months you will get sick mentally & physically!!! Oh yeah my mum refuses nursing homes & her meds are all wrong & tge system make her sick by misdiagnosing her for 25 yrs thats how she hot parkinsons & i think the drugs most elders take kills their brain cells & in some cases they just call it dementia ... Their medication side effects cause real damage ! Get help from anyone cause you will get very sick cause thats what will gappen if you continue! Depression will get worse & then how will you save yourself! Remember family or people who refuse to help you are time wasters if its government well report them ! If its family well move on cause you cannot force peopke to love you or help you! You will find most people will abandon you so do not let that make you sad! It is what it is! So only associate with people who will help you !
Dad is 88, but is he still competent? Why can he not supervise your mom?
Neither one needs assistance with mobility, bathing or toileting yet?
You gave up your job to move in, are you not being compensated? If not then visiting a lawyer and drawing up a caregiving contract should be a number one priority... how will you manage your own old age if you impoverish yourself now?
Mom is only 73, she can easily live another decade, and although dad may seem old at 88 many men are now living into their late 90s. As they become more frail and dependent your burdens will only increase. Be sure you understand what the future may hold, do you see yourself still there in ten years providing physical care?
In the long term you will feel more in control if you are able to come up with a plan. You obviously can't continue the way things are, so decide what you are still willing and able to do. If they need paid caregivers or to move then explore ways to get it done.
If you tell us more about yourself we can offer more specific advice. It's OK, we're here for you. ((hugs))