My dh is going to visit his mom this weekend. Her short-term memory is non-existent. About 2 years ago I finally told her that her favorite grandson was gay. He was worried about her reaction and finally felt like it was time for her to know. Personally, I was getting tired of trying to explain why he didn't have a girlfriend. At that moment, she seemed to take it in stride but never said anything about it. Now, of course, she doesn't even remember that her grandchildren are adults. I was printing out some pictures to put in a book for her. My daughter got married in June and we have some of those. My son is getting married in a year and I would love to add some photos of him and his boyfriend. Has anyone else had to deal with this issue? I will say, since the dementia really kicked in, she can be VERY NASTY which is a complete 180 from what she once was. I know if she has a hissy fit, the only person to see it will be my husband. I guess I don't want anyone to get upset.
Some things are best avoided, like bad news in the world. The capacity to process things that are upsetting is impaired
Keep it simpler.
Although he grew up with my male twins after she put him on the street at the age of 12 for being gay, it's not for me to share his sexual orientation and private life with anyone. That's his business.
In the meantime, pictures of him with Reg still hang on my walls along with my sons, their wives, and the grandchildren. Millicent, my Cajun MIL, asked me last week how I coped with having a gay son. I couldn't stop laughing.
... Millie, baby, get some help. I've never had a problem with it.
Will he feel bad if you don't tell her? Or are YOU just worried that he will feel bad? If it's real important to him that she be told, then talk to him about how her reaction might be hurtful. He may understand her mental condition, and know that there is no point in bringing it up. He may be happy to visit her and introduce his spouse as his best friend, so that Grandmother can get to share their affection without distressing feelings.
If your son wants her to be told, then I would tell her exactly once, and let the chips fall where they may. You will be telling him that you are on his side, and are willing to "shout it from the rooftops."
If he doesn't really mind letting sleeping dogs lie, then pull up your big girl panties and start preparing plausible lies.
I'm all for gay rights and gay marriage, but if I found out that my child was gay, I would at the least feel sad about it. You are having to accept the loss of a "typical" future and family for your child. You are trying to accept this new and different path for your son. Allow yourself to feel what you feel, without feeling disloyal to your son. If you don't have the right friends and family support to tell your own truth, consider 2 or 3 sessions with a therapist or PFLAG.
Your life is demanding and sometimes distressing. Give yourself a break. It sounds like you are doing a very good job. God bless you.
Just wondering how you and the family handled the fact that he was gay, and that later that he was getting married in a same sex partnership? My son is 45, adopted, and gay since birth. He has a relationship with another man, but is not yet married.
Keep it simple, keep it simple, keep it simple.
Is that clear???
all those closely concerned.
Considering the age difference then Yes, homosexuality could be compared to death.
I'm in my 50's but I have very clear memory of listening as a little girl while grown ups talked over my head of the horror of homsexuality.
I also know of the barbaric treatment suffered by an uncle in prison as they "tried to change him" "make him normal"
This part of UK/US history is still in the life time of our elders, not all have today's perspective.
Perhaps we could all learn from that appalling history though and be a little less judgemental of others. Especially when they don't fit our mould.