I have been caring for my father for the last 20 years since my Mom passed away. He is 82 now. Recently he's been having "accidents" in his pants. He changes his clothes but doesn't clean himself very well and leaves the toilet seat a mess. He doesn't say anything, just leaves the clothes near the washer. Since I'm his daughter I find it hard to talk to him about things that are so personal and probably embarrassing. Looking for some advice.
It's difficult enough trying to stay on top of things as they occur and attempt at keeping life as balanced as possible. What a complicated situation to anticipate, and it just isn't as simple as "having finances in order" et al. Being DPOA, health care proxy and a loving daughter (with an unfailingly supportive husband) has already presented many challenges (and yes, rewards), but fortunately things are still very manageable in the grooming/hygiene department.
I have found that worrying myself needlessly about what the future may bring introduces unproductive worry, but it has also enabled me to realize just what I most likely can and cannot withstand in my home environment. I've been pretty resilient so far, give or take a crying spell or two. However, the 24/7 aspect of that sort of care is out of my scope. It isn't easy admitting to this in a forum of outstanding caregivers who have dealt with so much more, though.
Doing the same for a grown adult for an interminable amount of time, with a full-time job and obligations of my own, is not something I signed up for, as parents do when they decide to have children.
Of course, I would see to it that Dad would receive the best care possible, even if it isn't rendered by me personally.
we caregivers have enough on us without a parent/loved one making it harder.
The worst part is that home health care nursing was coming and i couldn't get him to the shower, before they got here, or until i cleaned up the trail. His attitude and answer when i asked "what's up with the trail of nasty Dad?" Was kind of smug, and "it was dark, i couldn't see". Dad gets up when he wakes up, sometimes 2 AM, rarely as late as 8.
I have basically moved in with my parents, and because he fell recently, im sleeping in the livingroom so i can hear his morning travels, (i also got him a whistle)....
The poop thing is frustrating, i can only assume he pooped his pants. Its happened a couple times, (this was the first time for the trail). He NEVER says anything, so you find it all by accident. I get so tired of one way conversations. He has not been cleaning himself well, and im wondering if hes wiping at all. I got him some wipes, and broke it down for him, on how to wipe, look, and continue this process until its clean.
I pray for all of you dealing with similar situations.... I use a lot of laughter to get through it... And wine... Theres always wine!