I live in another country and all family except one sister is scattered far across the country away from our mother who is in a nursing home in Virginia following a stroke. She can barely speak, cannot walk, stand, or toilet herself.
My sister tells me that Mom has been crying and indicating she doesn't want to be left alone at night. She clutched my sister's arm when carers came in to give her a bath. Did not want to be left alone with them. Sister said Mom shows wild eyed terror when one particular carer walks past her door.
Yesterday my son went to visit and Mom basically indicated the same. He gathered that she is terrified to be left alone at night.
She is is a shared room with a curtain between patients.
My son has reported this to the adult protective services hotline. We are currently fighting to get Medicaid for mom so she can stay in the facility as it is the best in the area, regards cleanliness, patient care and stroke therapy. It has the best reviews and best report per the commission which monitors these facilities.
We have also discovered they seem to have stopped Mom's therapy and won't tell us why. Just not sure where to go from here. She is too frail to move to a facility nearer one of the brothers (Indiana and Florida).
We thought if she stayed near her home town then my sister, cousins and church friends could visit her and keep her spirits up. Now we don't know.
Any similar experiences and advice welcome.
Anyway Mom indicated to 2 different people it a female member of staff and only at night. Sadly no visitors after 9.30pm.
There is a carer on mom's wing who works days only and she is a friend of my younger brother. When brother asked her she said she would not doubt that more than one of the night workers are dodgy, but she couldn't guess which might be hurting mom.
The nursing home now knows that allegation of abuse has been made, so hopefully someone will be extra vigilant and discover who the abuser is.
At least 90% of elders will experience some type of emotional turmoil, delirium, and say things about the Staff.... that is one way an elder thinks, in their own mind, he/she could get back to their own home. I am just hoping your Mom doesn't do the same thing when she does move to your brother's home, as the space for her will not be what it was back at home before the stroke.
As for what would be needed for Mom, your brother would need to set up your Mom's new area like it was a nursing home. The fact that your brother needs to purchase what is called a hoyer-lift tells me your Mom will need 24 hour care. Thus, 3 full-time shifts. For used hospital equipment, one would need to Google "used hoyer lift" to get an idea what places offer same. Another thing that might be good for your Mom is a geri-recliner where she can be placed and moved about the house until she is able to move about on her own.
Hope everything works out for your Mom.
She pointed to her legs when my son asked where this person was hurting her. He looked an due to her age her skin is typically mottled, but there were scratches. She started scratching her legs while she showed him so we don't know if she scratches herself or someone else is. She gets so emotional when she tries to communicate about this. She actually indicated that she wanted privacy (moved back into her room and the door closed) to tell him about this. As soon as he closed the door she broke down weeping. And then he started questioning her. She hadn't cried in months until after they moved her to this new wing where new staff are working. In fact she indicated before she was happy to stay in the facility rather than move to my brother's until this abuse started happening. I think she didn't want to be a burden on him.
I've decided to use the last of savings and incoming disability payments to use an overland medical transport company. I am making myself more ill worrying about this. My brother is trying to source a hi/low hospital bed. So far he is being told he needs a doctor's prescription to purchase one. I find this ludicrous.
Any advice where we can get reconditioned hospital equipment would be great. Bed, hoist is what we need ASAP.
After a stroke, it is common to be crying-it seems a physical symptom.
The usual, customary and reasonable care plan would include an overnight sitter to be in the room with the patient. This likely will be temporary. Have the treating physician order it. The sitter can be a volunteer, maybe from your church?
Building such an en-suite takes months in the planning, zoning applications, getting loans to pay for said improvement unless your brother could afford to pay cash, and months of getting said extension completed. Unless this is a basement in-law suite, again it would take a lot of hoops to jump through.
Back prior to building this en-suite, was there any discussion about how to transport Mom to his location? Plus your Mom probably would need some professional caregivers, until she has rehab to make her stronger, how would that be paid?
Or perhaps, as I suggested in your post on travel modes, you could ask that contributions be sent directly to the medi-flight or other transport service you select.
That way the funds go directly to the company providing the transport. I'm sure arrangements could be made so that you or your brother are notified of who contributed as well as the amounts so you know how much you'll have to fund yourselves.
Can I ask that someone check under her arms not in the pit of the arm but the inside of the upper arm in the lighter shaded fleshy area. If patients are not co-operative some vile staff and it is the minority will pinch the person there. Believe me it hurts (if you don't believe me try it on yourself) It is almost impossible to detect by the family unless you half strip her and thus it often goes unnoticed and so the abuse continues.
I hate saying this but just in case...
A friend of my brother works weekends at the home. She texts my brother in Indiana so he can call mom's room back and have a chat with mom. She can't actually reach her phone to answer it. But can hold the phone if someone hands it to her. When my son visits he sets up video chats between mom and me, or one of my 3 brothers (Florida, Indiana, West Virginia respectively). I am waiting on son to tell me what ADPS has said to him about the issue, since my sister is being worse than useless.
I'm wondering about your mother's anxiety level - could that be a factor in her fear?
As to the distance issue, you could always contact the nursing home by e-mail. I don't know about Skyping between countries, but that's another possibility.
I thinkthough that I would try e-mailing, asking for the Admin's help in identifying the cause and finding a solution; bring them on board and make them part of the resolution. If there's abuse, they would presumably want to know about it and address it.
Perhaps your son has friends who could also visit your mother, just as additional independent observers. Visiting on shower day would be especially helpful.
The other aspect is to isolate the incidents that cause anxiety and fear, and determine if there's something about those activities specifically. I fully understand why someone with limited mobility, in a place away from her family, would be fearful of a shower. She would be reliant on someone she doesn't know (or trust), probably uncomfortable being showered by a stranger.
I would ask your son and the Admins (by e-mail) if they could try a no rinse cleaning for a while. Your mother wouldn't have to be nude in front of a stranger - that might be the whole issue right there.
Also she was pretty contented there until they moved her to another wing where the nurses and carers do not know her injuries and pain history.
When my mom was in respite care she suddenly became very fearful and tried to go home. She told me someone had smacked her. I do believe something happened, but that her perception of the incident might have been a little off, so when I spoke to the DOC that is exactly what I told her.
Explain that your mom has developed a fear of this particular person and ask that contact with her be limited. If there truly is a problem with this aide then they will know what you are implying, if it is a delusion or false perception then you are not falsely accusing anyone.
Work with the Director of Nursing (DON) on getting your mom on the right meds so she can have some peace. I'm sorry your mom is going through this. Continue to advocate for her needs. It can be done long distance.