I was on this site a lot in 2009 and found it to be very helpful. I work as a caregiver for a couple, and I have a problem. There are 4 round the clock caregivers in this case. Primarily for the wife who is 89 and in poor shape. The husband is 93 and in remarkable shape, however, he INSISTS on taking his wife to dinner-where he then drinks and then drives. We have discussed this OVER and OVER with both the family and the home health agency. The family in in complete denial that there is a problem and the agency isn't much better. We can refuse to ride with them (taking our own car) but we feel that if something bad happens we will still be held responsible. We are there to care for the WIFE, not to put up with this nonsense. When we tell him our opinion he tells us "not to argue with him" He will NOT give up the car keys and insists on driving home. It's close by but that is absolutely no excuse. It infuriates me to the point if I know they are going to dinner on my shift I call in sick. Any suggestions on how to handle this mess? I actually like the case despite this. It happens about once a month and it's terrifying-I'm at my wits end because no one will tell him to stop.
Like the take-charge man that I assume he's always been no one's going to deny him taking his beloved for a ride in his chariot ... whether he's sauced or not. And since you're there to care for his wife, suggesting she ride back home in your car will be an unforgivable affront to his manhood. So are taxicabs. In a nutshell, he "ain't having that." Keep in mind, however, that he's 93 and she's 89. Their lives have pretty much come full circle, so they might not see anything wrong with a couple glasses of wine and getting behind the wheel as long as they don't mow down anybody down the road. Besides, they've probably been doing this for years; and I guess this somewhat rebellious version of "living on the edge" helps them recapture a glimmer of the romance advanced age and other people now seem to deny.
Since they only get wild once a month and their days are probably carbon copies of each other, have them snuggle in the back of the car after dinner and chauffeur them down Memory Lane to some of their favorite places. At this stage of their lives, time might not mean that much ... except to you and your clock. As long as they behave responsibly, put some wind under those frail wings of love they're barely still flying on. Let them look at you with gratitude and see you as something other than a hybrid of between a caregiver and chaperone/body guard.
In the meantime, keep a paper trail and make sure nothing comes back to haunt you by notifying your agency, the local authorities if necessary, and next of kin.
-- ED
Perhaps if he was 'stopped' on the way home, it would end this madness!! It sounds like this would be the ONLY solution. Let's see what others have to say....... God Bless.