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We're praying for your answry - just keep saying NO and stay as unavailable as possible. Under no circumstances allow her in your home even for a moment - you could be risking a child abuse charge with a child in your household. I don't think I would want to be involved in POA or guardianship. Just leave her to the state or to the relatives that think they know what they are doing. After all, if she is competent to make decisions than she is competent to talk care of herself. Can anyone tell me if Mom could make an effective neglect charge under these circumstances? Seems like no one should be held responsible for refusing to be slave labor. I know people are afraid of neglect accusations - but what is the reality on this? If a person is considered competent to make choices can they hold anyone else accountable for the bad results?
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I'm going to see if I can speak to another attorney about all of this. Well, in that case they would just have to come and get me/us. I'm tired of this and I'm not going back. I can't speak for hubby who is struggling but trying to move forward. I just pass on the suggestions you all give to him as a way to help him at this point.
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Message from nursing home is that SW has still not approved their visit with mom and they will try again Monday. So still no placement. We are going to try to enjoy this weekend and hope you all have a good one as well.
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You poor things. There are no words to comfort you. Maybe move to Australia and do not leave a forwarding address. Have a peaceful week end.
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SW at hospital tells an entirely different story as of Friday. So then, Hospice SW called a couple of times Saturday but did not leave voicemail. Fast forward today. Someone called about signing mom back up for Hospice and spouse says no. Then Hospice SW called and once again did not leave voicemail. Nursing home said at first mom refused the idea completely and then said she will think about it and get back to her. Then here comes the calls from family and let us just say that got ugly. A couple of relatives here refuse to take her saying they cannot do it anymore (hum - when did you ever?). Another family member is claiming to come to the rescue. Yea, let us see if it happens. Discharged moved to Wednesday.

I never knew that getting out of being a caregiver would be this hard. Looks like once you say yes, you can then never say no at least not without a knock-down-drag-out fight.
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I am having a really hard time understanding why MIL is still considered competent to make these choices, e.g. refusing nursing home - I can see hubby having a hard time emotionally even with legal rights to make that decision, but professionals who can see what has been going on, not so much. Good for hubby saying no to hospice home care, though; going back to what clearly did not work should not even be on the table. What part of "needs round the clock care, cannot be alone" do they not get?
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This whole thing is unbelievable! Your only choice may be to say NO, will not do it. What does it take for Social Workers to get realistic?!
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And what is the motivation of these "family" members? They clearly do not want to do the caregiving, so why not a safe placement?
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If you don't have poa or guardianship and hospital attempts to discharge her home as competent and you all have made it clear you can't care for her, then whatever happens is on the heads of the discharge folks . you just have to stand firm and not take delivery. You may have to let yhe state take her over.
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The first week they said mom was not competent and then a few days later, as we said, the story changed. Maybe all the calls today were last attempts to see if our minds have changed. My hubby was trying to explain to one family member that called that he did not give out their number because he wanted mom in a home. Well this smart person hung up on him before he could get in a few words and then would not answer when he called back. Then the next family member called talking about how family needs to work all together and to communicate and how they plan to pay a nurse to come out twice a day - once in morning and then once in evening. I did not know that nurses would also cook for you, wash clothes for you, and all the things that go on with 24/7 care. Maybe they know something that we do not know. I just want this to be over with and the best outcome for everyone.
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A nurse twice a day is NOT 24-7 care. The people trying to have her get less than that really kind of don't get or don't want to get it. Sorry they are being permitted to be throwing a monkey wrench in the works.
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Awry. Just read your post on another thread. If it's family members being nasty with hubby, he's just going to have to chalk it up to ignorance on their parts...ignorance about what he's already done for her, ignorance at whatgood placements there are for frail elderly folks, and certainly ignoring how much better off mom is in after having been cared for by professionals for just a brief period of time. We know he loves his mom. Give him a hug from all of us!
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Nursing home called and said mom being admitted tomorrow. They wanted to know who is going to sign her in. Not sure if that is true because shortly after the SW at hospital called and left voicemails on home and cell phone (several) all saying emergency and he needed to speak to spouse stat about mom. But said nothing else.

Does that sound to you like this is a done deal? If they do discharge her to nursing home, will hubby have to sign her in or can hospital SW sign her in? I hope ambulance does not drop mom off at our home or her home and burn rubber.
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Not sure. Maybe they need a "responsible party" to sign her out of hospital? I would check with my attorney before you signed anything, since hubby is not poa and you are not assuming responsibility for her. I WOULD cal back hospital social worker. Just don't say yes to anything.
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My guess, is they got the placement worked out and they will need hubby's signature. Unless MIL is a protected person, he will have to sign. Social Worker has no legal responsibility or right to. Have hubby call her back pronto before the spot is taken by someone else.
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OMG you all are our angels. Mom is in the nursing home. Without the help, advice, and support from you all we would still be spinning our wheels. We did not know that it was done because we are guessing family members and social workers are still angry at our decision. The calls stopped after my last post so I called the nursing home today just to see and they let us know brother signed her in yesterday. Spouse went and paid the fee to cover remainder of month but did not visit. They wanted to get permission from brother for spouse to receive updates but he decided to leave that up to mom. I guess she is angry right now as well. We will see what happens next month. We will see if sister comes to rescue her in a few weeks.

At any rate, much love, thanks, and hugs to all who helped us.

With that being said, we never, ever want to go through this again.
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Answry, WONDERFUL! Get a good nights sleep tonight. Hopefully this will be the end of it!
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I'm sooooo happy for you, and ultimately, it's the best thing for your MIL.
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Wonderful news. We've all been rooting for you!
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You all were so wonderfully helpful to us during a very difficult journey. So when we had to start notifying family of mom-in-laws (mom) passing, we thought of you all. She passed around 2:30 this morning from her medical issues.
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answry, you went through a lot and I am sorry for your loss.
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