I am taking care of my fifty-three year old husband who suffered a terrible stroke and I stopped working to take care of him. I took care of my father for tweleve years prior to my husband having his stroke. I am tired, and most days frightened. I guess I believed being a girl there would be someone to take care of me, how strange things have turned out. I trust God will help me, but I feel very hopeless. I love my husband dearly, but life seems very hopeless.
can you please give us some details on what constitutes "mean" and what behaviors or emotions you define as not "calm". No one can assume they know what you are talking about, so please share the details with us & we will try to help. As an example -
is mean physical, such as pinching or hitting; or is it emotional such as hurtful words? Is it a combination?
We have all been there - so if you detail what is happening we can give you constructive advice.
here are a very few examples of outside things contributing to "meaness" :
adult diapers that are too tight around her legs.
dental pain.
urinary tract infection (which can cause altered consiousness)
constipation
medication mix - or side effects
wrong time schedule for her circadian rythms
fear - as Carol suggested.
take care & write back soon
PatsyTraudt
TRACY
Something that worked when I was a nurse when a pt. would ask the same question over and over again like what time is it I would ask them the question they had just asked me and many times they could tell me the answer and would not repeat the question for a while.
I know it doesn't always make sense, but agreeing with her when you can helps. She believes what she sees and says and remembers - to her that is fact. So, even though your reality is different than hers, and you know that what she says is wrong, if at all possible, agree with her. If you can't do that - say she's saying she wants to go home and she IS home, sometimes is helps to say, "Let's get in the car and take you home." Then drive around a couple of blocks and say, "Here we are." Distraction works a lot. Agreeing works often. Sometimes, though, you just have to tough it out. But arguing will only make the situation more stressful for both of you. Yes, I know it's hard. It won't always work. But, these are suggestions.
Carol
Carol
Carol
marilee
Often ill people won't do what they are capable of, and that isn't good for them. A wife/mother will do it, they figure. But then they get more helpless. Then, like Austin, we have to get stern and we hate having to do that.
There's often a lot of manipulation going on with the sick person, and there's only so much a caregiver can take. It's good to get outside help. However, I know my elders would wait for me to do the thngs "the way they liked them." Of course, I would! Then, I became indispensible. It can be a vicious circle.
Hang in, Ladies. Keep communicating. You do help each other.
Carol
TRACY