I see a major decline in my social life. I'm finding it's harder and harder to relate to folks who do not have this care in their life. Some friends have stayed away and others, even though they mean well, say things like stay away and don't do as much for mother, but there's no one else to pick up the pieces for sure. They see what it's doing, and make judgements, but no one is really stepping in to help because it's too much. It's sad, isn't it, how it affects every aspect of life.
Where shall we put it? A central locale like Kansas City or perhaps on the beach somewhere (like Hawaii)? Yum yum roast pork luau and hula lessons. (I'd HAVE to have a pedicure first, and about a year at a fat farm but those are details we could work out).
Ramsay could cook, Martha could decorate, Vera Wang could dress us, Cuz could be our entertainment, and Dr Oz could tend to us and our elders.
Who's with me?
In the Brazilian countryside, we're lucky to have one form of insurance against the trap that caregiving can be: a huge family. Down there, I have 12 half-brothers and sisters. (I'm not going to mention anything about the relatives here in the States, as I might have a psychotic episode. Suffice it to say they're all a mess.) Our elderly are never put away, always have something to do, and the family gathers around the bed when their time comes to slide into another plane of existence. In a nutshell, we take turns at caring for one another and still have time to be the social creatures we're designed to be.
In the US, it's a different ballgame for the most part. Families are smaller; most children are taught to be individuals and keep to themselves yet expected to be social. Here in NYC, everything's so compartmentalized it's so easy to become desensitized to almost everything that goes on around you. At home, people like myself find safety in solitude; inside a rented box that's become a fortified temple of inner healing after spending 1/2 the day hunting for that Almighty Dollar that no one can do without.
Everything has to be paid for; even a social life. Like crackheads that get paranoid after hitting the pipe, the time I spent away from Mom wasn't much fun at all. The cellphone would ring, or I'd be too worried something would happen. Relationships didn't work out because I was too tired to put out ... or stay awake at the dinner table.
For 3 long years, caregiving was my life. Joining a monastery would've been a lot easier. At least I'd have been surrounded by monks quite adept at taking care of themselves and be supportive at the same time.
In caregiving, a social life where you actually find enough quality for yourself is .... an oxymoron? An anachronism? ... Well, you get the point.
Good luck my friend.
-- Ed
Somtimes it's 'hard to move among them'. I feel waay older than most of my friends.
I don't feel like I can invite people over - it's too weird. I don't know how to fix it.
I'm with mom 24/7 - afraid to leave the house. Who cares about those fly by night friends....I love my mom.
When I do go to the grocery, I am always talking to everyone....guess I need some adult conservation. My husband is the quiet. type. I've always been a "free spirit" - this is just a calling I'm going through and I will be a better person for knowing I am loving and caring for the person who has loved me the most!
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