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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Would love some dating advice for the caregiver? How do you find folks to understand your situation? Anyone tried a dating site to connect with other caregivers?
mykabond, I'm single and a 24/7 caregiver for my 95 yr old dad with Alz., so like almost all other 24/7 caregivers there's no time to even think about dating, let alone go out on an actual date. But you may be on to something with an online dating site for single caregivers only who are doing this full time.
BoniChak, I agree, if I had the time, I'd rather be sleeping too. whitesage and daughteralone - I so relate to what you're both saying. I get two, 4 hour breaks a week. The paid caregiver gets here at 12:30pm; I've already put in at least 5 hours. Rarely am I ready myself to bolt out the door. I always spend about 10 minutes going over stuff with cg, so already 20 minutes gone. Then I race around like a maniac trying to run all my errands, grocery shop and be home with 15 mins to spare to put said groceries away, touch base with cg and start dinner. I still have another 4-5 hours to go before dad goes to bed........ This Friday, I'm just excited to be meeting 2 girlfriends for lunch!! I've alloted an hour and 1/2 for this. Found something half-way decent to wear (instead of my usual sweats/t-shirt) and am contemplating wearing some make-up - that is, if anything I have left is not totally dried out and I remember how to apply it and if I have the time to apply.
When this journey is over, I do want to date again (hopefully there will be some new product out by then to cover effectively cover the wrinkles, bags and lines).
myka, you're never alone on this board, 'one day at a time' and happy thoughts to you!!
Awh, I think it is very kind of you to be helping your loved one. There is nothing wrong with dating but just try and keep a balance. Be honest with yourself and the women you may meet. Hang in there, your post brightened my day!
It absolutely amazes me on how some of you work!! My schedule is my mom's so never, ever regular. What employer would put up with that. Some of you are lucky that you have worked for the same employer many years, and they will work with you. But, what if you are looking for work?
So, dating, that is something completely foreign and not even thought about. I have a friend that I could not have done this without, because my own family sure isn't there. This friend also comes to visit my mom often, brings her flowers, and offers her a change of pace which is invaluable to me, you know, the distraction.
I just joined. After one of those particularly bad days with my Mother who has so many medical issues that is hard to remember them all and with no one to talk to about the myriad of pent up feeling and emotions that I deal with every day. I have read every post from each of you. All 34 pages. I must commend you all for doing what you do. All of your posts have given me some peace and a feeling of not being so isolated. I am on a few of those dating sites. I am actually trying to juggle dating and care giving without much success. At my age men are looking for spontaneity and want to travel. Most times when a possible date becomes aware of what being a full time caregiver is about they move on fast. I have had to take a leave of absence from my career so my financial future and my own retirement scare the heck out me. I have started some online classes hoping it will give me the opportunity to provide for myself and still care for my Mom. Yet still it is a lonely existence and it would be nice to just have someone around once in awhile but I do try to make lemonade from the lemons. Thank you all so much for sharing yourselves.
And now, there is the speed dating that those career oriented 20 and 30 somethings partake in. Maybe an online speed dating, strictly for caregivers? This is very funny and virtually impossible especially when you have to be at home virtually all hours of the day, just in case..... But then maybe there is another caregiver in your area that has a potential date for your loved one? It could be a double date, centered on caregiving ;}
Try a meetup for caregivers. Even if you only meet other ladies, maybe they have a friend or nephew.
YES, keep your heart and eyes open for love!
Online dating has a lot of fakers, but with caution, if can be a great way to socialize.....heck if you have time for this site, you have time for match.com.
I met my BF just before my dad got ill, he stood by me for 3 tough years. I always reserved Saturday nights for him....even if the only thing I was up for was take out and TV. Part of what he likes about me is how I handled the problems. He cares for his mom as well, she is now in an ALF. We are both busy career professionals, we found support and strength in each other.
I'm on a dating site. And the first guy I met I'm dating. Of course my mom hates him and no one is good enough. And who knows if it will work. He is care free has no problems has a mom 90 who drives and is happy in another state. He does not get my mom at all. And probally thinks I will end up just like her. That's what guys usually think. I try really hard to be the opposite and I always have. I've been having some fun. And my mom has only spent 1 night alone. so not to bad..
Gosh, my heart goes out to all of you...I know that lately I have been feeling awfully lonely, but I am an emotional wreck, just watching a Hallmark movie...I know that dating is so difficult for myself personally especially when my mom needs me so much. I cry so easily anyways, that to get involved with someone at this time would be overwhelming. It is comforting to know that I am not alone in what I feel. Thank you everyone for sharing.
well that guy did not work out he said I was unemotional to him but to caring to my mother what a jerk. I guess talking about dating is not such a good thing. I jinx myself.
I agree with Jess1234, we have to find a balance through all of our life transitions. I am learning to develop a social life that has been dormant for over 7 years. I too got sick from the stress. Mom has her social life at the assisted living, why should I neglect myself. I am fortunate she is thriving there and I can now explore my options, while caring for her. I even played cards with neighbors yesterday and volunteered at the animal shelter. This at least got me out among the living and interacting with others, while having fun. Good topic. Hey, no luck on the dating sites. Guess, I am too selective.
I'm single, have been care giving for over 10 years... Dating? What's that? I haven't had a professional haircut in all that time, I have probably forgotten how to put make up on, and I've gone from being a fit, in shape, and yes, pretty damn hot woman, to...an out of shape lump. :/ With the last 5-6 years being housebound, I don't even know what a man looks like anymore.... I'd like one...but how? Who has time? Maybe someday... I would like to have sex again at least once more before I die... *snickers*
I thought I was ready for a relationship and began dating someone. One thing led to another and she moved in with me. mom stays in my house and has Alzheimer's. I have aides in the house during the day and a few nights a week but that's not enough for my girlfriend. I understand the strain of caregiving on a relationship bu, my girlfriend has more or less begged me to place mom in a nursing home. I've looked but, it's a tough decision to contend with. My girlfriend has got to the point where she doesn't give me a hand anymore (when the aides aren't there) and she stays at the other end of the house. The tension is bad and I find it as fuel to the fire. Things are hard enough with mom and trying to deal with finances etc....but now I have the pressure of being told to place Mom in a nursing home etc......the two just don't mix that well.
Any relationship needs compassion and understanding to grow. The honeymoon period with your girlfriend is gone. Decide what you want go's and who you want to care for. Either place mom if the girlfriend is a relationship you want or it is time for girlfriend to leave. She is showing her true colors, not everyone has what it takes to be a caregiver. If you want to continue to care for mom, and want help, the girlfriend is not the person for the task.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
This is too funny!!! Your list must be as long as mine
BoniChak, I agree, if I had the time, I'd rather be sleeping too.
whitesage and daughteralone - I so relate to what you're both saying.
I get two, 4 hour breaks a week. The paid caregiver gets here at 12:30pm; I've already put in at least 5 hours. Rarely am I ready myself to bolt out the door. I always spend about 10 minutes going over stuff with cg, so already 20 minutes gone. Then I race around like a maniac trying to run all my errands, grocery shop and be home with 15 mins to spare to put said groceries away, touch base with cg and start dinner. I still have another 4-5 hours to go before dad goes to bed........
This Friday, I'm just excited to be meeting 2 girlfriends for lunch!! I've alloted an hour and 1/2 for this. Found something half-way decent to wear (instead of my usual sweats/t-shirt) and am contemplating wearing some make-up - that is, if anything I have left is not totally dried out and I remember how to apply it and if I have the time to apply.
When this journey is over, I do want to date again (hopefully there will be some new product out by then to cover effectively cover the wrinkles, bags and lines).
myka, you're never alone on this board, 'one day at a time' and happy thoughts to you!!
So, dating, that is something completely foreign and not even thought about. I have a friend that I could not have done this without, because my own family sure isn't there. This friend also comes to visit my mom often, brings her flowers, and offers her a change of pace which is invaluable to me, you know, the distraction.
YES, keep your heart and eyes open for love!
Online dating has a lot of fakers, but with caution, if can be a great way to socialize.....heck if you have time for this site, you have time for match.com.
I met my BF just before my dad got ill, he stood by me for 3 tough years. I always reserved Saturday nights for him....even if the only thing I was up for was take out and TV. Part of what he likes about me is how I handled the problems. He cares for his mom as well, she is now in an ALF. We are both busy career professionals, we found support and strength in each other.
Best of luck and love to you.
L
I understand the strain of caregiving on a relationship bu, my girlfriend has more or less begged me to place mom in a nursing home. I've looked but, it's a tough decision to contend with. My girlfriend has got to the point where she doesn't give me a hand anymore (when the aides aren't there) and she stays at the other end of the house. The tension is bad and I find it as fuel to the fire.
Things are hard enough with mom and trying to deal with finances etc....but now I have the pressure of being told to place Mom in a nursing home etc......the two just don't mix that well.