I have Power of Attorney for my mom for 5 years now and have been taking care of all of my moms finances for all those years. My mom had a stroke last year and now lives with me and i take care of her 24/7 with absolutley no help from the other 4 sibblings. They are requesting monthly statements from me and if I don't give it to them they said they will have a Lawyer contact me. I do not charge my mom anything to live here except for her own expenses such as food, supplies, gas to get supplies, and sitters to watch her while I get her supplies. They also are requesting to send her back to her own home so they can help with her care because they are uncomfortable helping me at my own home. This is making me nuts. My mom does not want to leave my home to go back there but they just don't believe me even though she tells them that. My mom is very happy here and all of her needs are being met except I am getting burned out. I have asked them to watch her for 1 day out of the week so I can get some rest because of the fibromyalgia that I have is taking a toll on me. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
I understand what you mean by being thrust into this without preparation, and that you are doing your best. No criticism intended here, but this arrangement has to be put on a sound legal footing.
If your mother has that much income she may not be eligible for a program like Medicaid. Finding her a facility she can afford and has the right level of care for her may be the best you can do.
I think it is time to consult an attorney who specializes in Elder Law. (Not a friend's brother who practices corporate law, and not a friend's mother who does family law. The specialty is very important in this case!) Be sure your mother has a Will, and a Healthcare Directive, and the POA document is adequate. Get a contract with your cousin. And get advice about what your mother might be eligible for and how to take advantage of any benefits she may be entitled to.
I am so sorry you are dealing with this high stress situation while you are also nurturing your young and growing family. Best wishes to you dear. Come back and keep us informed.
It sounds like you want to approach this is your mom'sbest interest and want to be fair to your cousin. Maybe the nexttime cousin calls you ask her if Mom's care is becoming too much for her, thatmaybe it is time formomto return to a facility. And mom'schoices will be much more if she is able toprivate pay for a wbile before having to goon a Medicaid program. Maybe if cousin thinks that you are considering another care situation for mom due to mom's increasing care needs cousin willback off. You know job security? But be very careful with the conversation.
Those four words caused me more stress than any other aspect of caregiving. Please could you fill in a bit about the reasons that your sister thinks it would be a good idea for her to be doing this? Does she have any special expertise, time on her hands, is she aiming to make some kind of contribution to your mother's care?
Offer her the opportunity to come and evaluate the situation, and maybe you will get some respite while she is here and sis learns first hand what the situation is.
In short, it's a pain in the neck, delivered by someone who shares little or nothing of the caregiving load and whose motives, while they may be honourable as well, tend to self interest. That's why we mind doing it.
Nevertheless, yes I agree: the quickest way to nip the problem in the bud is to provide the nearest thing to certified accounts that you can, preferably backed by a full care needs assessment to show why you're having to spend quite so much on laundry and skin integrity products. Photos optional.
SHE has our dad living with her and she DOES take money for his care beyond his own needs. I also take dad home with me every other weekend and during busy times of the year for her, I take him every weekend. For the first 3 1/2 years I did this, I didn't take any money at all from her and for the past 2 1/2 years I have take 'supply money' (hey she offered) I am not allowed to see any of his financial statements and after a huge family feud between her and my brother a few years back, I am afraid to even ask.