I have Power of Attorney for my mom for 5 years now and have been taking care of all of my moms finances for all those years. My mom had a stroke last year and now lives with me and i take care of her 24/7 with absolutley no help from the other 4 sibblings. They are requesting monthly statements from me and if I don't give it to them they said they will have a Lawyer contact me. I do not charge my mom anything to live here except for her own expenses such as food, supplies, gas to get supplies, and sitters to watch her while I get her supplies. They also are requesting to send her back to her own home so they can help with her care because they are uncomfortable helping me at my own home. This is making me nuts. My mom does not want to leave my home to go back there but they just don't believe me even though she tells them that. My mom is very happy here and all of her needs are being met except I am getting burned out. I have asked them to watch her for 1 day out of the week so I can get some rest because of the fibromyalgia that I have is taking a toll on me. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
I have it from the State of IL and it does not require me to keep any records that I can see. All such forms vary state-by-state, so you should check yours.
I have kind of a mixed opinion about this: for one, I think outsiders should have the right to audit the situation to make sure the POA is acting properly. On the other hand, I think preparing monthly statements is a bit too much. It's one thing to show them the tax return for the last year, a summary of the bank statement, things like that, but I don't think requiring you to become an accountant is reasonable. Just in my own opinion, monthly statements are appropriate to request from a professional caregiver, not a volunteer caregiver. But, once again, just my personal opinion not a legal one.
If I were you, I would be a bit uncomfortable holding POA when someone else has free run of your mother's accounts. This, as I see it, could cause a potentially difficult situation for you, as with the POA, you have been given responsibility for the finances.
I'd contact an attorney, and take your mother with you. She is apparently able to afford to give your brother money, so she may want to consider setting up a trust. A trust would provide for your spendthrift brother during her life and after her death. She can set it up however she wants to. She could also have more than one account, and allow your brother access to only one of them, with a limited amount of money in it.
I'd be very careful with what you allow your name to be attached to. Your brother's using your mother's money could potentially harm your mother and, if there are no provisions against it, any other heirs your mother has.
By the way: if your mother doesn't set up a trust or the like, your inheritance, if any, could potentially be totally wiped out by any debts your brother racks up. If, when your mother passes, there is nothing in place protecting her estate, debts that your brother has could be taken out of the monies left, etc., depending on the kind of debt and other situations.
Your brother should not be trusted; if he were trustworthy, he wouldn't be taking your mother's money and getting upset about you knowing about it. As for his wondering why you were monitoring her bank account, you SHOULD, holding a POA and paying her bills, monitor her accounts. Protect yourself and your mother's money as quickly as you can!!!! Don't wait.
Why would you, as holder of a POA, NOT retain records of all transactions? An agent (holder of a POA) may be brought to court to order that the records be revealed to whomever has an interest (descendants, or anyone else having an interest in the person who granted the POA). If you don't comply, you can be relieved of your duties as POA, and the judge may grant the POA to the person who requested the records, or to a court-appointed guardian.
My advice: KEEP ALL RECORDS. ALL. DON'T THROW RECORDS AWAY. If a sibling requests those records, scan them and send them to them via email. Don't change records. Don't use the money for yourself--only use the money for the person who granted you the POA. If you abuse your duties as agent, you can also be made to pay the fees of those petitioning the court against you, and you can be made to reimburse the estate for the changes you made. Having a POA is not a joke, and it isn't about power. It's a serious matter.
Having said that, you do need to be in a position to provide authorised people with detailed accounts of your mother's expenditure whenever you're asked to, so you want to keep on top of them anyway. And that way, you will be able to provide your brother with as much information as you feel he should properly have. If you're in doubt about what that is, why not ask the lawyer who handled the POA for you?
Proof of his running a business isn't quite the same as proof that he took and used your mother's money for his own purposes. I think you have some difficult choices to make. If you are certain, and have documentation such as detailed bank statements, that he misappropriated money while he had POA for your mother, I think you'd better go and see a lawyer about it. You would be doing this in your current POA capacity, on your mother's behalf, because she would hypothetically be the victim of the theft, not you. If you have this kind of proof and you do nothing, you could be seen as complicit in your brother's dishonesty; and saying you wanted to spare your mother's feelings won't wash.
So just to be clear, he set up a credit line in your mother's name to fund his business, did he? Did your mother suffer any actual financial loss from this? If not, then he isn't guilty of theft. Fraud, possibly, or certainly the kind of skulduggery the credit agencies don't appreciate; but if he did it for convenience, paid back whatever he borrowed, and she's come to no harm… Then he hasn't stolen from her, has he.
I wouldn't use words like 'usurped' in this context, by the way. It creates an awkward impression. Of course I'm happy to assume that your mother at the time was legally competent and therefore entitled to revoke her original POA and appoint you instead, but it would be better to be clear that this was her free and informed choice - not your doing, that is.
Rereading your post… you have to decide whether you are sure that your brother has stolen your mother's money or not. If you are, then you need to pursue that on her behalf, and you need a lawyer who will advise you on what evidence you will need to show. If not, mind her business carefully in future and let the past lie. But the option of leaving it until after she is no longer around is not a good one. What would be the point of protecting her from financial abuse only after she has passed away?
I could understand that you wouldn't want to have to confront your mother with unpleasant truths about what her son has been up to; but the fear that he would make her life a misery with complaints about you shouldn't be too hard to deal with. Harassing his mother would not help him to clear his name, and besides there are ways to prevent this.
One very important question: does your mother have capacity now?
Have you asked your sister why she keeps fobbing you off? What would happen if you explained to her that her repeated excuses are in themselves giving you cause for anxiety about how your father's finances are being handled? This is a terribly delicate diplomatic mission and you know best what approach would work. It isn't that you have a right to know, it's that she has no obvious reason not to tell you, at least in broad terms - I understand how annoying it must be.
But I don't see any harm in showing them the last couple of bank statements. Maybe that would help them be more realistic in their expectations. Are you the POA? If so, you do have a responsibility to protect your mother's privacy. Is she able to understand the question and to give you permission to show the others?
I don't think you "have" to show them, but if it would calm down troubled waters and Mom doesn't mind, why not?
And Glad is right: if your nephew was living in the house when it should have been available to let, and he wasn't paying any rent or it was at a significant discount, then your mother has effectively gifted him the money she could have earned from the house during that time. If you have good reason to believe that your sister has not been transparent about all this with Medicaid, perhaps you should call them for advice.
When you say you "each" set aside $8,000 to cover expenses, what expenses are you referring to? And who is included in "we"?
What is Sis doing with the $600/month she is taking in on the house? Does that cover the real estate taxes, insurance, any mortgage or remodeling loans?
Are you all aware that the state will take a portion or all of the proceeds when mother dies and the house is sold? (In an amount equal to what Medicaid spent on your mother's care.)
Why did you all decide to chip in on the remodeling? What were you expecting the final disposition of the house to be?
Did any relative live in that house with your mother and take care of her, thus delaying her placement in NH? If so, who and for how long?
Sorry to be asking so many questions, but clarification would perhaps get you more specific answers.
Then I would look carefully into what the going rate for elder care is in your area. Is what you are paying your cousin in the ballpark? If it is not up the average range, is there anything you can do about that? You say that all of your mother's income goes to the cousin, but how does that compare to what she would be paid if she did this work for a non-relative? She really is entitled to the going rate. What would you have to pay someone else?
My advice also is that sharing a bank account with some who needs caregiving is generally not a good idea. Mom should have an account that consists of only her money. You can pay for her needs out of this account, as her POA, but it should not contain any of your money, and you should not pay for your things out of it. Co-mingling your funds is just too complicated at this point. Separate your own money out of there. If you generously use some of your own money to pay for Mom's things it should come out of your account.
If Mother's money alone is not enough to meet her own needs, perhaps you should consider applying for assistance for her.