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That clarifies a lot. If your mother's care in itself exhausts her income and savings, there is no surplus and she is therefore not free to dispense anything to other people. End of.

If changing the subject when she brings up her health helps and works, go to it and distract her from the question; but if she consistently asks to see reports you must show them to her. What sense if any she can make of them is a different issue: all you can do is "lead the horse to water" - especially if it says it's thirsty! But in the end it's her report. If she wants to see it, don't keep it from her.

I hope for all of your sakes, including his, that your brother's progress continues. Perhaps one day it will be behind you, though it sounds as if he's given you quite a lot to forgive. Keep faith, all will be well. Well done. xxx
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Showing her the report isn't likely to result in what you want. She will resist the information n the report for whatever reason. What is important is that you know what the report says. If possible, talk to her doctor and see if he can suggest a way to let her know that she needs help now. This is probably all very frightening for her. It would be for me.
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I showed our 86 tear old,
how the brain looks and how it looks with AD dementia,
there is a slide presentation on the internet.
I told her the reason she forgets so much is because of this
but that is as far as it went.

Our 86 year old doesn't want to be in a nursing home,
and has been out now for 1 year and 10 months now,
keeping social, busy and on a low sugar diet with
fiber, protein and vegetables and fruits loaded with
max. nutritional benefits and water.
I am proactive and her advocate day to day
but she does have a guardian.
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My Mom can't even remember what she did 5 minutes ago so I didn't even bother telling her. It's not going to make any difference..
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IF Mom has enough funds to keep subsidizing her son, it may be OK.
BUT, if that means her funds come up short, causing her to need Medicaid, THAT is a problem…States have no hesitation rejecting help to someone, if funds WERE available, but not spent on her care & upkeep, when they do their "5-year-look-back".

Elders w/documented dementia causing them to make poor decisions, means they need someone to take over managing their affairs.
Sometimes that gets REAL ugly--families may split up, some ostracize one or several who try to take care of things---all kinds of things go haywire---may never get put right ever again. Just know that while going thru all this stuff.
Avoid compromising your health, your own ability to take care of yourself later, too..

IF the Elder struggled w/mental/emotional issues all their life, then determining when dementia takes over, & mental/emotional instability leaves off, is tricky--
--THAT often causes those who evaluate the person, to drag their feet at pronouncing incapacity--especially when the elder has managed to skate thru their lives without being evaluated properly, as so many have!

Your Mom's condition is documented by her Doc.
He knows it, you know it, your Brother should know it--but he may think he can still keep weaseling money from her, and may think he will be able to keep doing that off her estate…..you need some nice official --lawyer or minister or Social Worker, who will firmly inform him that Mom's estate is now being used only to care for Mom, not her kids.

She cannot remember hearing about it when it was done & she was informed
--she cannot do it any better now
--don't bother to show it to her now
--she will get very upset over it, & will more likely get angry, & may try to make rash choices that, at this point, you may have some difficulty dealing with.
Better, to take care of the business of getting guardianship, get her proper care all set up, THEN let anyone who needs to, know about how things now are.
Since you already have POA, that should be easier to get done.
Yep--Brother will be angry.
But Mom's POA's job is NOT to pander to his needs; Mom's POA is to take care of Mom.

Mom's gonna be angry: fearful how she has lost ability to take care of herself; fear of getting closer to death. It's a very scary position for so many people!
Especially those who have had a troubled life, and/or who have been very controlling in their lives.
That makes people very feisty…downright ugly sometimes.
Mom will likely become less angry as her dementia/Alzheimer's progresses.

Knowing things will get "better", sometimes helps a bit, just knowing that….and so that you can prepare yourself, your mindset, and maybe to take measures to protect yourself from those who might retaliate out of their anger. It's a great motivator to take whatever steps are needed to protect yourself, to plan ahead.
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Gigi11 you are so right, the time comes where talking is pointless. I never had the heart to tell my mother she has a fatal brain disease, she went to a french school so she will say to me, what is dementia? In french it means forget, what does dementia do the only thing I can't do is drive. LOL I told her that dementia took away her independence, and we have to make sure she is safe. She was ok with that and sadly now she is what they call the twilight phase with one foot in reality and the other out, which is upsetting to them. We moved her from a nursing home she was completely miserable in. Into a memory center and after two months with all the activities she is finally doing good, praise God. My heart bleeds for all of you watching a loved one with this disease it breaks hearts. Somehow I know there is a lesson in all this for me, just can't put my finger on it yet.
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