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Isn't an obituary notification?
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You would think an obit would be notification, but given this is an adverse situation, I'd want to cover the notification with a legal service. Depends on what's at stake- consult an atty to find out what to do in any specific situation.
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Christine,
When your sister comes raging at you after finding out, just tell her "We were estranged, and Mom wanted to keep it that way".

I do believe that you are between a rock and a hard place, a damned if you do and damned if you don't situation.

Maybe you could practice being Switzerland to head off answering the many angry questions that will come with that call. None of which you have to answer or endure, just hanging up. imo.
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Your sister sounds mentally ill. Do not buy into her dysfunction. Follow you mother's wishes and send her a note after the death, after the cremation. Do NOT invite F'ckery into your life at this time. Your sister for whatever reason is not dependable, kind, or reasonable. Leave her to her dysfunction. Tell her after your mother's death. And please have a plan about any of your mother's property or money or real estate....you can give her something and she may be content with 'something'. But be prepared to be sued for 'what I am OWED' - that's what those head cases do. All. About. Them.
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OMG, what a horror story!!! My first thought was...do you have power of attorney, etc to be able to carry out your Mom's wishes without fear of retribution from your negligent sister? If so, thank goodness. If I were you, I would carry out my Mother's wishes and not say a word to anyone who could get back to your sister. Have the service for Mom as sparse as possible in order to keep it from your sister. Eventually, of course, she will find out. And ;you will have to be prepared for her onslaught and egrecious hands. Good luck.
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I did not see anything in your initial statements that your mother has a will. If she does not, anyone in the order of succession will need to be notified when the estate is probated whether they are to inherit something or not.  This gives them the opportunity to contest the will.  When a person dies, spouse is usually first, followed by children, parents and then siblings. The will should specify if someone in the close line of succession is to be omitted. I am not a lawyer but have been through 2 of these probate issues and as expected, they aren't pleasant and cost money (lawyer!) to defend or resolve.  This is in NY by the way.
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Hi everyone, OP here. I'm resurrecting this to answer some questions that came up and to pass a rainy Saturday afternoon in NY.

My mom is in a nursing home on Medicaid. The only thing she presently has to her name is a resident account where $50 per month is deposited. I pay for her toiletries, replacement clothing, treats, nice bedding for her room and the private aide she had for a little over a year. This amount is much more than $50 per month. As her POA, I withdraw the money from her resident account and have it conservatively invested in a fund that will cover her final expenses. There is a life insurance policy as well. Small face value. It will just about pay for her headstone. I have paid the premium for years.

I am the executor of her will and also her health care proxy.

We were not rich people. Mom rented an apartment most of her life, where I also grew up. My mom taught me to be a good saver, a hard worker, and a person of integrity. I am now fairly comfortable. My sister, on the other hand, lived beyond her means, felt she was entitled to more than she could afford, and now struggles.

Though my mom has a will, it lists only belongings. There's no money to be had; everything she saved will just about cover her final expenses.

When my mom entered the nursing home, she needed to give up her apartment. My sister demanded everything that was "hers" in the will. I asked her to please come get anything she wants. She never came. I was paying for my mom's apartment (including rent and utilities) for those 3 months while I waited for my sister and she put me off. I couldn't really afford to keep doing that. So in month 3, I turned in the key to the landlord. Yes, I had reached out to her in the interim, but she just gave me lip service. I finally realized she was never coming. She had promised to help me pay the rent, but that never happened, of course. 

Standard procedure for vacated apartments is for the landlord to put the belongings on the street for garbage collection. To avoid this, I sold or donated mom's large furniture since I wasn't able to carry it out myself and had nowhere to put it even if I could have carried it out myself. Every penny of the money went into an envelope for mom. I used it to buy her anything she said she wanted during her first year adjusting to the nursing home. The little bit that was left went into the account for her final expenses. (The furniture was very old. Good condition, but not worth a whole lot of money.) Anything that was my sisters, including pictures of her and my mother, was boxed and sent to her. (She already had my mom's good jewelry via theft.) Some of the smaller things, I took and put in my garage, but they were so old that they just didn't last.

I guess my sister could sue for the ancient furniture, but it's gone. I gave her ample time to collect it, but she essentially abandoned it. She can, of course, bring suit. Anyone has the right to bring suit, but there is nothing to be gained. The court would probably consider those things of little to no monetary value. So she could sue my mom's "estate," which has no value....

I'm sorry things went this way. I'm sorry my sister turned out to be a bad person. I'm sorry my mom lives in a nursing home, unable to even speak for herself. But there's nothing I can do to change any of this. I can just do my best to care for and protect my mom, and do the morally and legally right thing. 

It will be hard and sad, but I'm cutting off all communication with my sister. When I told her 3 years ago that I had to give up mom's apartment and sell/donate the larger item to avoid them being put in the garbage, she was so angry she stopped speaking to me. A couple of months ago, she resurfaced, but I don't trust her at all. Cutting off communication is the best way I know to protect my mother. My sister has already tried to kidnap her once, and I don't want her to attempt it again. She lives in a different state and would have difficulty navigating my area without my help. I'm sorry.

As for whether I would tell her after my mom is buried and the memorial is over...why? She could not make it more obvious that she does not care. It seems like a bad thing to do, but after she has abandoned my mother (years ago), and hung me out to dry, leaving me alone to deal with crushing nursing home situations where I needed support....should I then basically invite her to verbally abuse me or make my life unpleasant? I know, the whole thing sounds crazy to me and I'm living it.
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Just do what your Mom wanted. No lawyer would take the case of seeing you as there would not be anything in it for him/her. She would also have to come up with the money for a retainer which she won't want to do.
So keep on looking out for Mom and follow her wishes. Sis can jump up and down and scream but there is nothing to be had. You can also instruct the nursing home that your sister is not allowed to see your Mom without you being present and agreeing.
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Christine, you are so sweet and so healthy. Good for you to have set a boundary for your sis and held her to it, even if it took you 3 mos to figure it out. You did figure it out. You have every right to just cut off the sister completely. What a piece of work. Keep up the good work!
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Thank you Veronica and surprise.
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