Should I feel guilty about my husband and I moving away from my 94-yr-old mother?

wow be happy that your husband cares about your mother - sounds very unselfish.

hmmmm well i was told once you can't live your life thru your parents no matter how old they are! that is true but when they are up in years that situation is different! it depends on if you really want to move, bc if you can live with her being far away only you can decide. would she go with you - or you could have care to help her live her life out where she is now. Good luck

Your husband has common sense.

I've re-read your brief post 3 times, and for the life of me I don't understand your statement and your question as they relate to one another.

Being honest to goodness thick headed I think if I slowly repeat it once again and splice your question with your post I may get it. Please be patient with me. It may help both of us.

Should I feel guilty about moving away from my 94, year old mother who has difficulty walking. Should I feel guilty about moving away from my 94 year old mother with my new husband who is worried about old mom falling. Also, new husband is worried about her becoming depressed thus causing mental and physical decline.

Honey babe, anyone who would stay with a person who would leave their weak almost century old mom, deserves what they married. At least they'll clearly know what to expect when their time comes.

Give me a minute I'm trying to imagine my new hunky man telling me, "yeah babe let's give the old broad the old heave ho. What? Of course I'd never do that to you". Yup, sounds real sexy to me. Bonus points too for making me feel real proud.

Also, any man who is not sure, (come on now, who doesn't love an unsure man), again, not sure that it's a wrong decision to leave an old lady, well then, well, let me see, no, no, give me a minute. Y'a know what I think, if your garage is connected to your house please check right now to see if you left the car running.

And I always love this one every time - Should you feel guilty. it's just too hilarious. Still I have to give you the prize. This is the absolute very first time the word guilt is properly used. I suspect you may not understand but your decision could cause actual harm.

I figure from you mom's age your guys are not spring chickens either. You're extremely lucky to have found each other. Why not find a nice facility that you can all move in. You know one of those one story places. Meals are provided for those who want that plan. For a small extra fee once or twice a month housekeeping may be available. Your mom can be with those that needs meals and more assistance. You and Mr. You can live with the fun senior more independent group, but to leave your mom in her home stretch years, so close to her finish line, is mind blowing.

Forgive me. Perhaps in your haste you left a lot, like tons, out. You may have meant - Finally, I found happiness and recently married. Life is short and my new husband and I want to enjoy a life a part from mom. We found her a wonderful senior home where she can make friends and enjoy games and movies communally, there's a nice dinning room that serves 3 meals a day, and fruits and popcorn are available 24/7 at a little cute snack bar near the communal lounge. There's also an onsite beauty parlor open twice a week, and enriching actives and occasional trips are scheduled weekly. The facility also has a nurse on staff and housekeeping is provided. And we intend to visit her at least 3 times a week but we'd like to live our lives too and rent/buy our own home no more than 10 miles from mom. It would be a big change for all of us but a healthy change. Do you agree?

Sure that's okay.

Sincerely, I ask for forgiveness if I have made a big ugly mistake and you positively didn't mean to leave her flat. I'm not right to jump to conclusion.

But only going by what you wrote, you should not feel guilty. You should feel ashamed.

If you have kids and grandkids, know that you are still teaching them that what's good for the goose is going to goose you one day.

My father is 86 and living with us. Like you we haven’t been married for very long. I wish we could’ve let my father stay in his own home but his memory was going and he was doing stupid things living alone. and is much worse now, as well as other behaviour problems. My siblings don’t want him to put him into care for their own greedy reasons. Oh yes, I get the “We’re so grateful that you and hubby are looking after Dad, Thanks so much” It’s like Thank God we dodged that bullet.
Put your Mum into care and don’t get guilted into looking after your aged parent like I did.

SharonElizabeth,

How are you doing? How is your mom. Please come back and let us all know more.

I would love to hear the mother's side of this story. Maybe we aren't hearing from the OP because Adult Protective Services is interviewing her and hubby.

Your question doesn't say anything about the support system you will insert in your absence, how you will.monitor that support system, and what plan B, C, D, and E you have when that system cracks (and it will crack).

Many time in life, we feel guilty because we are doing wrong. Build and monitor the support system until you can know in your heart you have nothing to feel bad about.

I am so confused. A 94 yr old mother must have a daughter about 60 years old . Being a Caretaker for 5 years now and the limited information in the initial question make it very difficult for me to respond. I also try not to judge. I have not lived in this persons shoes . I don’t know her or her personality . I don’t know what type of relationship she has with her mother. For all I know, this marriage that happened in December, could be her only real joy that she’s ever had in her life. ?? who’s knows ?? All that said , I feel she should get some help and information from her local Council on Aging and work with mom (if possibly) to get mom into someplace where she will be safe and taken care off. Guilt is not always generated from the inside , sometime it’s dropped on because of what other people think ..
Prays are with every Caretaker out there !

I haven’t been in this forum very long, and my first post was in regards to my father’s difficult behaviour. Even though this is irrelevant to this topic of discussion, I will say that when we decided to have my father come live with us, he was very reluctant to
leave his home and my
siblings couldn’t or simply didn’t want to take him into their homes or put him into care for reasons of their own. So we took him after only bring married a little over two years at the time. My mum had passed a year after we were married but Dad was still able to care for her. Then he had a car accident and he quite willingly surrendered his drivers license, which was good. He was 84 then. He was doing other silly careless things regarding financial matters, so my brother became his POA, and took over that side of things, and lastly the family home was a hazard with too many stairs among other things that could cause Dad to fall etc, which is how my mum died.
So he’s been with us almost two years and has mild dementia. But he’s safer with us.