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No. Please, the hardest thing ever can be taking care of us. That said, it is a horrible emotional burden on your heart and I pray for you.

I agree, take Daddy to the hospital and make them take over from there.
This is not morally acceptable to most any child, but please, trust God.
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NO, Don't cash out your retirement. You will need it. Remember nobody is going to pay for your future care, not to mention the tax repercussions to you for cashing out before 59 1/2. You would have to pay full Fed and State income tax on all of it and pay an additional 10% penalty for early withdrawal. If the Medicaid spend down isn't going to work because of the land sale, make arrangements in writing with the caregivers to pay them as soon as closing on the property and then be sure to do it. Pay them all that your parents can afford to in the meantime. The other less savory option would be to place them as self pay in a Nursing Home and when no longer able to pay Medicaid will take over. Nursing Home won't just kick someone out that is on Hospice. They will expect payment from the estate after they die if there are any funds left there. But that is in the future. Check with your local Office for Aging or Adult protective service and see if any aid available to help you sort out.
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Do not cash out your retirement. Since your parents bank assets are $2300 and they have land, they should qualify for Medicaid. Medicaid will put a lien on the property. After the property is sold, you will have to use the money to pay for their care until the assets go below $2000.
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Ask their primary care physician to write scripts for Nurse Assessments to gain admission to SNF. Once admitted, they can help apply for Nursing Home LT Medicaid. Since they are down to practically no $$$, they should be able to get a Medicaid pending bed. I think cashing in your IRA you will get penalty from IRS if before age 59. Tell caregivers you’re in a financial crisis. . If not a SNF, maybe get Medicaid home care & be paid to be her caregiver through CDPAP program . You can get 24 hr care for them & supervise ...so you won’t stress. The caregivers will be paid from Medicaid. Stay strong 💪
Hugs 🤗
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Myownlife Mar 2019
Medicaid Long Term Care will never pay for 24/7 care at home. LTC reasons that if someone needs that LOC then he/she needs to be in a nursing home.

And it surely sounds like they would qualify for Medicaid - pending in a nursing home. Just curious, if they are both getting Hospice at home, can they go to a Hospice House facility?

The OP is in poor health and surely would not want to be the paid caregiver for her parents.

And to the OP, I think everyone on this forum agrees: NO, do not cash in your retirement. Without all of the illnesses/poor physical health you have, cashing in retirement would be a bad idea. But with all of the things with you, save everything you can for you. Not only will it help you, it will also help your son for your future-needed care.
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Take them to the hospital and then take it from there the work all they lives I'm sure so Medicare should pay for they care we all pay into it do not take out your retirement.
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No hon you don't want to cash in your retirement it's the only thing you have for your self which you say you're sick your self. you will need that for later can't your parents get some kind of help there is help out there instead of paying from out of pocket Medicare and Medicaid should take care of that from an agency talk to someone they doctors should be able to tell you .
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The advice from “isnteasy” is good. I would just add that you must not spend your retirement money. I know it might seem like a quick fix, but in the long-run, it is a poor decision. I could add more, but the advice given by others not to spend your retirement money is solid advice. I remember your other posts. I can feel your fatigue. I will say a prayer that you find relief soon. Don’t give up. You can do this...take it one minute at a time.
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NO, do not cash in your retirement.
Talk to an elder lawyer.

Stay strong, we're rooting for you!!
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I'm pretty sure you know the answer to this...NO. You should not use your own financial resources to pay for your parents' care.

Have you explored getting them admitted to an in-patient hospice? It's such a better situation all around. So, if that's a possibility, try that first.

This all depends upon what state you're in, but this may be one avenue to explore. Borrow (in their name) against the pending income from the land sale. If it's enough to pay for some time in a nursing home, do it. Be very open about your parents' finances with the admissions person and make sure s/he is experienced with a spend down situation. They may be willing to admit them 'pending Medicaid'.

They'll spend down there and their bill may go for period being unpaid until Medicaid kicks in. The key is having enough money to be admitted.

Another is to take them, one at a time, to the ER the next time they have any health situation blip that may get them admitted. Once admitted, the process of going from hospital to SNF with Medicaid pending is smoother.

Never sign anything that makes you financially responsible for your parents. Never be bullied or guilted into telling any discharge planner that you can provide the care for your parents. The discharge planner is not a judge of whether you love your parents. They are only looking to discharge as quickly and easily as possible.
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No way should you cash out Your retirement,’. I may be forced to cash in my 401k to pay for my husband’s care. Was told by an elder attorney that even though it is mine and I earned it, it is considered a marital asset. He has no retirement because he never worked steady. I did and sacrificed and saved to have money fir my old age, now it gets used up on him? Not fair. You can’t be forced to do that so I wouldnt.
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TerriLou Mar 2019
Same for me. Because of my income and steady earnings and savings over the years, we both have supplemental retirement savings, but my husband didn't take care of himself. Still, with Stage 4 Cancer, Dementia, Heart Disease, GERD, joint replacements, he eats sugar and fast or processed food all day long. I've worked hard to earn and save, and also to stay healthy, and now there's a good possibility all of our resources will be depleted because he is so careless. So not fair.
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Why isn't Medicare paying for hospice? Another solution, contact your church or an area church for volunteers and/or financial help.
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No, ABSOLUTELY NO. You say you're 50, who is going to take care of you financially? And are you willing to put your son in this same position? It sounds like your health is such that you will not be able to get LTC insurance. Call your county for assistance!
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I am a 52-year old daughter, only child. I have spent my entire working life as an independent contractor. All I have is the retirement savings I have built to this point. I am lucky in that my parents, although they lost their ability to live independently waaay to early, do have financial resources for their care.

I have several friends whose parents are getting a full ride at assisted living or nursing homes on Medicaid and it seems little effort was put to getting them there (states are Idaho and Florida). I believe some of the people in my dad's memory care facility are on financial assistance. I have a gambling, druggie acquaintance who had to have surgery recently and actually got a Catholic charity to pay for it (right???).

Us older Gen-Xer's will have less financial and government support than our parent's generation so please, please don't take away from your safety net. We are gonna need all we can get as we get older ourselves.
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Murphy24 Mar 2019
Thank you, Upstream.
This has been an ongoing battle with social services in their county for 4 years. As I mentioned before, it is severely lacking, and we get nowhere with them. They do nothing to help; almost as if they make sure to make it as difficult as possible.
The Office on Aging only could provide meals on wheels if they had no caregivers ( which they do) a trip to the doctor IF they were fully capable of walking, because resources were minimal to offer help to wheelchair bound elders who could not mobilize.
No one has any idea how hard it has been to get help in their rural county.
it is so bad, as I mentioned before, that they have been sued for records they would not supply.
It is not just a quick “ go to social services and get help”.... even law enforcement in their county speak about how totally unhelpful social services is there.
Thank you all for your replies-
and upstream,
you are right... those who receive those blessed services/grants/aids are truly lucky. You have to be either very poor, or very rich and have planned well financially to get care here.
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I'm always disturbed by how hard it is for some folks to get help when you can see the nursing homes are full of people. I know they are not all paying to be there. I hope my family never goes through all of that but you never know and that's why we went to an Elder Lawyer about 5 years ago and put mom's house and savings into an irrevocable trust. It cost quite a bit to do that but as mom's declining we never know when we will have to start paying someone to stay with her. We know share the morning and night schedule (which luckily all we have to do is breakfast and supper and meds) If your parents are running out of money don't cash in your retirement account, keep pushing for the help they deserve from medicare and medicaid. If you let yourself get too exhausted then you are not helping your own health which is already compromised. Think of your son and take care of yourself too! Wish I could help you. God bless you.
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First, I want to acknowledge this terrible period in your life. My heart hurts for you. Life can only hand us so many blows before we're tempted to give up and give in.

It has always been my belief Social Security and insurance companies stamp everything DENIED in the hopes that people (when they are at their lowest point, which is disgusting) are too damned tired to fight. Appealing often results in overturning original denials. Don't let them win.

Does the hospice outfit have social workers who can help with the endless phone calls that will likely need to happen? The doc's office? Do you have friends or church members who can help with not only supporting you now, but doing some of this legwork? Asking for help isn't easy, but you may feel some relief if you do.

I hope you get a break soon. You definitely deserve it. And you deserve to keep to your retirement funds intact for your use when you need it. Or for the benefit of your children. Best of luck to you.
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I would try not to cash in my retirement. Can a reverse mortgage be done on their home for some needed cash? This may just delay things though and lock things in. I would perhaps try for a bridge loan from the bank until the property money comes in......I hope things begin to work out for you soon! {{hugs}}, Katie.
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medicaid for caregiving?

medicare pays for hospice i think
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Keep your retirement and contact your county’s Department of Aging and Senior Services asap for assistance. At that income level they should be eligible for free services.
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I pray that God gives you guidance and peace, and peace for your parents as well.
There must be some agency in their county that can help with their situation. Perhaps a Department of Family Services, or Adult Protective Services, or the County Health Department. Their local Area Council on Aging might know who to contact.
You can contact the local police and/or sheriff if your parents end up alone and are unable to care for themselves. Ask for a welfare check on vulnerable adults.

I concur that you should NOT cash in your retirement. Your parent's bad choices don't justify spending your financial security, no matter what they think or how they feel.

I think you should be upfront with the care-givers and let the chips fall. There is no right way to promise someone to pay them for work then not pay them when the work has been done. If they don't come back and your parents are left alone, that's when you call the authorities. They will not leave your parents without help.

I'm very sorry your situation has become so dire.
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Please don't cash out you retirement fund!!!!! At 50 years old you need to be building this up not depleting it. You need to try and protect your future!

Do your parents own a home? If so could that be sold and that money used to pay for an assisted living or nursing home for them? Or even for more caretaking in their home?

How is it they are over resourced if they are down to $2300?
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NO!!!! Don't cash out your retirement.
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Have you asked your parents' bank about a "bridge loan"? These are commonly done when there is a property waiting to settle, most often when you are buying another property. But I would ask anyway.

Do NOT cash in your retirement savings. That way lies madness.
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No, don't cash in your retirement. Medicaid may not allow you to be reimbursed out of the land money. Your future is important too.
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Your parents need a long-term financial solution. Cashing out your retirement is NOT it.

Do your parents have credit cards or line of credit? Can you get a home equity line of credit from their home?

Your first priority is having a rainy day fund for yourself.
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Don’t take the money out. Once it’s out you will feel horrible which will add to your stress, not relieve it. Plus, what if you can’t pay it back. Don’t count your chickens before they hatch either.

My brother had a dibiliting disease plus had an awful motorcycle accident where he was literally rolled over by a truck and honestly it was a miracle that he survived. Guess what? He was turned down several times for disability. He finally got it. Crazy! I feel single men may be placed last on the list for benefits. Everyone deserves help but as you say it can take awhile before we can get those benefits. I hope you can collect as soon as possible.

Follow some one of the advice here for getting the money, or ask if workers can hold off for a bit for their pay. Maybe give them a tad extra (a bonus) if they are willing to do so. You’re in a tough spot all around.

I hope your health improves. You will be remembered in my prayers. Take care.
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Murphy24 Mar 2019
Thank you so much for your reply.
The bonus idea may be a good way to offer gratitude.
I just hate for them to not get paid.
Thsnk you for your kindness.
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I agree: Do Not Cash in Your Retirement!!!

You would be ADDING to your financial problems and not solving your parents' financial problems.  All you would be doing is exchanging one problem for another problem.  Because you are only 50 years old and have health problems of your own, you have to save your financial resources to pay your health expenses and your son's health expenses.  Even if you receive disability payments, your son could end up in your situation--having to use his money to pay for your health care expenses. 

Talk to the bank that handles your parents' accounts and see if there is any way to get an cash advance or a loan based on the sale of the land.

Contact the agencies mentioned by the other people.

I am sorry that you are having to go through this situation.  You need to take care of yourself and your son also.  You and your son need to do activities (either together or alone) that you find relaxing and uplifting-- whether that is meditation, prayer, listening to soothing music. (I find that when I am upset or angry or up-tight,  listening to music that has a strong bass or drum beat or has an "angry" sound helps me to release those angry feelings and allows me to then listen to more relaxing and soothing music.)

{{HUGS}} and Prayers 🙏
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Shell38314 Mar 2019
Isn't just crazy how music can change our mood?
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Do Not Cash in Your Retirement!

Do what others here have told you or/and push back paying the caregiver for a week or so. I understand that you feel that if you cash is your retirement you may have less stress. But it sounds to me that you are so worn out and stress out that right now would not be the time to make any decisions. I don't think you are thinking clearly right now.

You should not have to use your money to help with your parents. You are going to need that money.

You need to find a way to take care of you to. Your body and your emotions have been through a lot. Be kind to yourself.

Hugs!!
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Murphy24 Mar 2019
Shell,
you are right. Maybe I am not thinking right. I think sometimes I am ready to give up. I don’t mean to sound so defeated, but I’m just tired.
Tgank you for the mercy and gentleness.
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Please don’t cash in your retirement plan. You may or MAY NOT be able to buy yourself back in (check with your employer’s payroll department) but even if you can, you’ll be more vulnerable to adding to your present worries by creating a worry of your own.

Have you been in touch with a bank or other financial agency regarding types of tools to help you with this short term emergency financing?

How about your county or state adult services?

Absolutely contact your local Social Security Administration Office and ask about EMERGENCY Medicaid support, as well as your hospice provider.

You may find yourself feeling a little stronger when/if you start asking the questions.

Breathe, pray/meditate, know that there are people here who care!
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Murphy24 Mar 2019
Ann, I wish their social services was better. It is really abysmal.
They are known as the worst county in the state to deal with. One facility in my county had to sue them to obtain medical records. It’s sad.
im going to try not to take out any more of my retirement.... I had to take out a chunk to live off of while I was going through the cancer treatment because I got so sick.
thsnk you for being so sweet.
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No, definitely do not cash in your retirement. Call Medicaid and ask them for emergency assistance. Also call Adult Protective Services and ask them for assistance. If both parents are on hospice with no way to pay for caregivers, APS should be able to do something.
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Murphy24 Mar 2019
Staaarrr, I can try to call APS, but will get nowhere with SS.
Thank you for the suggestion.
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You don’t say how much you’ll owe the caregivers, but if it’s an agency could you stall them for a week? Or could you take a cash advance loan from a credit card and pay it back when the land sells, with lots of documentation of what’s it’s spent on? Would that pass Medicaid muster? I’m no financial whiz but I cringe when I hear people taking money from their retirement plans.
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Murphy24 Mar 2019
Rocketjcat- it will be about 1700 per week for the private caregivers and that does not count the agency they gave for weekends. The agency will take a later payment, but the private ones won’t.
Thus is not a pitiful statement, but according to medicine, I’m not going to be here to reach retirement.
But God has the final say.
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