My father has been widowed for 5 years. He waited 1 year and started dating. One lady after another. I do find it disgusting that he thinks this is appropriate behavior. Seeing 1 person at time is acceptable, but he now has 5 ladies he sees. I think this is horrible and a mockery to the beautiful marriage my Mom and he shared. Am I wrong? My daughter says I am being disrespectful.
At 90 yrs old, he should do what he wants as who knows when it'll be his last.
He may just enjoy different ladies for their Company and nice that he has several friends.
Don't take it so personally, just because he has a few lady friends, doesn't mean he didn't love your mom. You might try looking at it that even all these women can't take the place of his wife.
Everyone deals with their loss in different ways.
You should be happy that he is trying to live and not be depressed and or want to die.
If Dad was dating one lady, I would think that should concern you more. Dad's just enjoying life. Be happy for him!
Now he's making up for missed youth..
Is this completely opposite to his previous personality and moral code? That could cause the OP to feel their father has been replaced with a stranger they can't understand or relate to.
Is he bringing his lady friends to family functions and insisting they be regarded as a pseudo family member?
Is he treating these ladies in a way that is disrespectful to women and most of us would find repulsive in a younger man?
But - I'm not suggesting that any of that gives the OP permission to treat her father like a naughty teenager.
When we reach ninety, we've earned the right to live to the fullest. And whatever relationships he has now have nothing to do with his marriage to your mom. If anything, that marriage must have been so good that it gave him this lust for life.
Celebrate with him.
He maybe saving himself and five others.
great insight
I'd have felt odd as well if my parents started dating again, had they done that. They didn't live long enough, a part from each other, but it would've been a learning experience for me. And maybe the lesson would've been permission or not having the right to give permission.
For sure I'd give my husband a green light.
Be happy and feel lucky he's got friends.
In my lifetime I learned a natural division between friends as they did the same. I've had my movie friends, who sometimes overlapped my concert friends. I've had dinning/cooking friends. I have my phone, book swapping and lecture friends, etc. Some have died, moved, too sick or are busy caregiving. New good people are always welcome.
Your dad's true-blue time was with your mom.
Does your father bathe, shave and continues to be, within fair parameters, responsible? Or is he showing signs of going into a second adolescence?
Are his friends about his age, fun and lady-like? I'd only worry if they are the Lady in Distress type. Can you prove in a court of law that he is incompetent?
Your dad is alive. He's healthy. HE'S NINETY, Hello?
A healthy mind does not want an old dad or mom to live miserably, obsessing about a loved one's death, or about their own impending death. This is not what we want for each other.
What does your father have to say about this situation? He thinks this is appropriate behavior? His cognitive abilities may be in decline. I would really have a serious conversation with him. Keep an open mind. He indeed may be lonely and finds these ladies' attention fun. Have you actually MET any of them? What is his reaction to your meeting them? If he's secretive about it, it's a red flag. Elderly abusers don't want to be known to families.
Lastly, your Dad is 90. Sadly, the majority of 90-year olds are losing cognitive function and he probably wouldn't recognize financial abuse or accept if he was a victim of it. If you feel he's not being financially abused but just "having fun", then there's not much you can do.
After a spouse of many years dies, the remaining spouse goes through many emotions differently than a remaining child. He apparently mourned for a year and may be lonely and wanting some companionship. It has nothing to do with his loyalty to your Mom. Ask him, don't accuse. He may have a reasonable explanation.
Quit judging and perhaps enjoy your own life
Your father is not like this, but I know of a daughter who was upset because her father was a serial marriage/divorce/marriage/divorce/marriage/divorce kind of guy.
The adult daughter came to love and include each new wife in their family.
After the fifth divorce, she told her father that she was not going to exclude (divorce) the last ex-wife, and kept her as family.
A father's actions and lifestyle do affect his family profoundly. If you don't want to tolerate your Dad's dating or include these strangers in your family, you can cut or decrease contact with him without guilt. imo.
Not focusing on what Dad is doing will help you be less upset. He sounds like a busy guy anyway. Let everyone else do for him what you have been doing.
Sadly she has passed on but your 90 yr old dad is still very much alive. It looks to me as though he is trying to make the most of what precious little time he has left.
Be thankful you still have a father in your life. He has earned his Stars and Stripes and now gets to play until it’s “ time to go”.
He would have to be a kind man to successfully date that many women at the same time without upsetting any of them. Put a smile upon your face at the thought of it all instead of being upset.
For surely he is a rare man indeed and as these women seem to respect him regardless, perhaps it’s time you did too.
Once we too age, we come to realise how precious life and this planet is, so do not begrudge him his happiness. Just try to find yours instead 😉