Im 25 and have been taking care of my dad for about two years now, I started taking care of him after he had a stroke and his left side was very affected, he stopped taking his medication for several different things. Here just recently he fell and broke his hip on the left side and had a hip replacement then during that they found he had abdominal aortic aneurysm and they said it's probably because he quit taking his meds( had a triple bypass 15 years ago as well) it was hard for him to get around much before and now he needs 24/7 care. As much as I want to I can't quit my job and take care of him. People have told me a nursing home that provides rehab may be the best option for him, it hurts me so much to even think about doing that but I know deep down that it's probably the best care he could receive, I feel like It's saying I'm giving up on him and it feels that way too, it hurts. Is this the right thing to do? It's been very stressful on me and I don't have very much help. Can someone please give me some insight on what I need to do?
If someone who has lived a full life and is then debilitated to a point where THEY don't want to live then AND ONLY THEN do I think that THEIR wishes should come into play. What if they want to live but the children want the inheritance ....oh yes lets just kill them off - bloody stupid comment in my honest opinion and not thought through
Do you feel guilty, of course. We did also but when I see her gaining weight, more alert, and her medical tests are all OK, I know we made the best decision. One of us is there every day -visiting, going for walks, etc. We can enjoy visiting with her and the staff at the facility couldn't be more responsive. Don't beat yourself up for not having your parent live with you. While you can do it, great; but in a lot of cases, there comes a point where it isn't safe and they need professional care.
Are you shirking your responsibility? Not at all, you can still be responsible for them by checking on their care at the facility, being their advocate, and a number of other things that you will do--paying their bills, applying for assistance (VA, medicaid,etc), meeting with their doctor and attending staff conferences,etc. It is a tough road to travel but I will tell you that I can sleep at night knowing that if anything should happen, the staff is on top of it and will get her immediate care.
I did not post about Assisted Suicide to get a rise out of people,seriously. It was a thought and could have been another option for loved ones to consider. How humane is it to see your loved one slowly deteriorate, especially in memory to the point where they are just "existing". Is that not what Alz does? The person can do nothing at all for him/herself? Do you recall the young lady who had brain cancer a couple years ago? How did she relieve her pain? It was a big controversial story.
Yes I'm a big proponent of caring for elders at home and keep them out of a nursing homes. I also have mentioned before many get to this stage in their life if it happens, to have a frank discussion with their loved ones, about end of life care and decisions. If Assisted suicide is part of the discussion and/or decision, then the person's wishes regarding that should be honored.
I'm sorry for the loss of your mom, Lassie. I believe she has found peace and is not in pain anymore.
I apologize if my comments offended anyone.
I can admit I should have worded differently. This is why it is important to discuss and write down wishes for end of life decisions, now. Thank you for your comment.
It sounds like you feel people of a certain age should be relegated to NHs? There are many able bodied seniors in their 70s 80s and 90s who can definitely live independently. Not all older people need to be "put away" in a NH because they reach a certain age.
You're probably right, though there was a lady on the street I lived on who lived by herself into her 100s and even was a school crossing guard. She could still tend to her flowers/bushes and other minor yard work.