91yo mom with dementia and probable personality disorder, currently in behavioral unit of an ALF complex more than 1000 miles away from us 3 adult kids. She has bombarded my sister with phone calls - sometimes 3x day - with complaints about everything and everyone. Almost every call includes begging to die, wanting to die, asking her to send her a gun, etc. Staff are aware of this pattern. Yesterday, she told my sister she was planning to kill herself with a knife, and that she was going to call 911 and tell them that the staff were beating her up. I notified the staff of this threat, and agreed a 911 call from them was okay (I’m POA)They called, and a mental health crisis team responded. As it happened, the psych consultant was present. He manages her meds, knows her history, etc. Mom hates him (as she does everyone in the world). Mom absolutely denied she had made any such threats. The crisis team didn’t think a hospital visit was needed and left. Since we all live so far away, it’s a problem when she denies everything and we can’t prove otherwise. She’s threatened suicide for DECADES. Psych guy suggested we could consider restricting her phone use, to minimize her ability to make these awful phone calls. He also touched on the idea that Mom calls sister, sister calls me, I call the unit staff, they call 911 and him…it sure rallies the troops for attention to her, doesn’t it? I’ve urged my sister to LIMIT the calls she takes (I blocked mom’s calls many months ago). Not sure it would help to have her firmly tell mom: when you say these things, I feel I HAVE TO report it to the staff or call 911 myself to address your endangering yourself or others. But if she actually WANTS the attention, even negative, that may not stop her. Not sure if she knowingly denies what she’s said, or if her dementia wipes it out and she doesn’t remember. Sorry for the long long story, but we are just buffaloed and are scratching for some way to react or respond to her on the spot… thank you for any thoughts or experiences you might share. Oh, and yes, she is on antidepressant med, anti-anxiety med, AND they are trying a low dose of an anti-psychotic to see if that helps…
Why are you so upset about M threatening the same thing? Tell her it’s her own choice, and stop worrying about it.
And next time she threatens suicide call her bluff and ask her how she wants her body taken care of after she does, cremation or burial, and then let her know you'll follow through with her final wishes.
Not sure how well that will work with someone with dementia, but I would sure give it a try.
This is just lifelong manipulation by your mother. Tell your sister she can block your mother if she wants. If she chooses to continue to accept your mother's calls, you don't want to hear about them. Your sister can call the staff or 911, but you aren't going to be part of it anymore.
Is someone listed as a successor to you on the POA?
I'm sorry you're being subjected to this. I hope everyone will take seriously the ability of anti-psychotics to help your mother get out of this miserable mindset.
Go visit periodically if you want but stop enabling her toxic behavior.
I hope your mother’s ordeal is over soon. What else can one say.