During the holidays, my older sister flies down from LA to Atlanta, I'll pick her up at the airport; and the next morning we will drive down in my car to Florida to spend the holiday with our mother. Back in 2013; that entire year I could not find work. So when December came around that year, my sister came again from LA as usual, but I explained to her that I may need to stay back and not drive down to FL with her just in case I have an in-person interview. She got so upset with me, she ended up renting a car and jetted out my house and left. So a week passed by, and just as I suspected, I had an interview and I got hired with a company in NY. I packed my things and got on the road for a 14 hour drive. It's a year now and I'm settled into my job. One day my sister calls me and says I think I'm going to try and sell moms home in FL. Mind you, it has always been our wish for mom to live closer to me in Atlanta since our later father passed on a few years ago, we didn't want mom to stay in a big house all by herself anymore. My mom also did want to come to Atlanta; it was just overwhelming for her to think that how are we going to pack up a 4 bedroom house. Just a little history with my older sister. She never really finishes anything she starts; and tends to procrastinate a lot and make excuses. So a few weeks passed, my sister called me again and she she sold moms house! I was surprised because again, she never finishes anything. She ends up packing up my moms entire house by herself; mind you my 74 year old mom couldn't really do much because she just had surgery in one hand. I couldn't come down there and help because I had a new job. All I could do was send money. So I deposited $1800 into my moms account to pay for the moving truck. While my sister sold the house, she was supposed to find a home to buy in Atlanta and move mom right into her new home. Unfortunately she couldn't find a home in time, so basically she moved my mother into my house. While all this is happening, I'm still in NY working trying to make ends meet and get caught up on bills and my mortgage. So my sister calls and says, so mom is at your house now, so when are you coming back. I was so livid with her; because she knew my circumstance. Long story short, I have been working in NY for 3 years now. The first year, I came back to Atlanta for Christmas and noticed there were sticks underneath my from door and patio door. Mind you, my mom has been showing signs of dementia and is extremely paranoid. She's been like this for years but the behavior has literally traveled with her from her FL home, into my home. Everything she used to do in her house; I noticed now she had started to do in my home. I didn't think anything of it because I knew my sister was busy looking for homes for my mom; and that she was only going to live at my place temporarily. Second year past, we all meet for Christmas in Atlanta in my home. I asked my sister, "so what's going on with finding mom a house. What's up with that plan"? She says, oh it's still not a buyers market right now. I didn't take this situation seriously as I should have from the beginning because I was so busy trying to sustain my job and stay focused so that I could pay down my bills quicker. So now we are in our 3rd year. Yes, you guessed it right! Mom is still living in my house. My mother would call me frequently in NY and complain about every little thing that bothers her about my home. It has gotten so bad, I had to leave NY and come back home. In just the few months I've been back, I can't find work and my life has been a living hell living with my mom in my house! She hates my neighbors. She feels like there are cameras hidden in my house watching her every move, and she feels the neighbors put the cameras in my house. She keeps my blinds closed all day, there are sticks hinged up the door knobs, and a stick laying behind my sliding door, she has newspapers folded up and tucked underneath the doorways; which is what a weather strip is supposed to do, but apparently that's not good enough. She says, an intruder will get a clothes hanger, and stick it through the cracks of the door and try to open the lock from the inside! Right now, it is so hot in Atlanta, she won't put on the AC because she says there is something poisoness coming through the vents that is making her sick. She won't let me open the windows because she says the neighbors are smoking weed, and it's seeping through the house. How does she even knows what weed smells like; I don't know? I have tested everything she's uncomfortable with, and I'm fine. I don't smell any foul odors outside, I breath perfectly fine if I turn on the AC. If I go out with friends during the day, I have to call her 5 minutes before I reach the house so she can take the stick off the door. I have the keys to my home, but that won't get me inside. My garage is manually locked up. If I'm out late, I have to sleep at my friends house. Needing advice!
Here's what I see: your sister dumped your mother on you. You had a good job situation and had lived in NY for three years. But then you gave it all up to come back and babysit your mother.
Your sister stole money from your mother. Your mother needs to go live with HER.
You are 35 years old. Time is marching on, if you want a family. Time to get rid of your mother. She and your sister have been using you.
Basically I had a conversation with my sister on the phone. When I asked her for a current bank statement to find out what does my mother have left over from the sale of her home; my sister went crazy and started yelling at me saying I have the audacity to ask for such a thing. I told her, "I have every right to ask for this document because she is living with me in my house"!.
After she finished yelling, she hung up on me and called me back saying "you know what it's okay. You don't have to pay mom back; we will be fine and she will be out of your house before the end of this year!"
Her comment threw all kinds of red flags to me. This made me feel it was a cop out to prevent me from seeing how much she took from that sale. The first year I was in NY, I borrowed some money from my mom to pay my mortgage as I was a few months behind. I have already paid her back some of the money, but since I had to leave NY and come back and take care of my mom; I'm unable to pay her back the last bit of money I owe her since I can't find a job in GA. I have one more month of mortgage to pay her and I'll be done.
My sister was basically throwing it in my face; and to be honest...technically I really don't owe her anything because she's been living in my home for 3 years for free.
However, my parents never raised me to take back from them what they have provided for me my whole life. It's a tough situation. It's like I have the morals and values my parents taught me growing up, yet my mother is mis-treating (using and manipulating) me and I'm turning into a person who is heavily angry all the time which goes against those morals I've been taught. Then when I get angry, she tells my sister that I'm emotionally abusing her! My sister then calls me and attempts to cuss me out and she is going to call the authorities and report me!
It's like a big domino-effect, but I'm handling it and staying prayerful! Only God can help me out of this situation!
Beyond that, your mom probably needs to be in AL or a family care home. She will not be able to continue living on her own. Your sister doesn't sound responsible enough to find her a safe placement. You may be able to contact someone at social services to find out the best ways to help your mom legally.