We lost my mother after a long battle cancer about 10 years ago, because of this, my Father's fear of medical treatment is now full blown trauma. He is in his early 70s, but recently started feeling dizzy, and has partial vision loss in his left eye. He has had no drooping, and is physically able to do everything he normally can. Except he needs to rest from stomach pain, and can't drive (because he can't see).
I am really concerned about his health, but he refuses to go to urgent care (it's been ongoing since 11/6). But he is extremely religious (catholic), and believes the loss of sight with pretty colors is sent from God, so he can atone for his sins before he dies and thus avoid purgatory. I want him to get this checked before things get worse, but he is very strong willed and just repeats "I trust God".
How do I navigate this situation, with his serious medical issue and angry refusal to go to the Doctor?
We have tried appealing to his religious side, begging him, making promises if he just has it checked then he does not have to get anything treated, and trying to emotionally open up about our worry and love for him. I want to keep him healthy and safe.
A flood is expected in town, and Mr. Townsend, a very religious man has turned to God to save him. In the morning, a person from Social Services comes by telling him they're there to help people evacuate the town. Mr. Townsend refuses to leave and says he is praying to God, and believes that God will save him.
Hours later, the waters have reached his waist, and he sees the fire-department in a boat outside of his house telling him they're there to evacuate him from the rising waters. Mr. Townsend again refuses to leave, saying that his undying devotion to God will save him.
A few hours later, the town levees have burst, and Mr. Townsend is forced by the rising waters to seek refuge outside on his own roof top. A coast-guard helicopter spots him, and one of the crew gets lowered down to him among the howling winds and rain and says he's here to save him. Again, Mr. Townsend says, "I don't need you to save me, God will do that" and refuses to be taken.
Within minutes, the rising waters become too much, he is swept off his roof and into the raging waters where Mr. Townsend eventually drowns.
Up in heaven, Mr. Townsend meets God and angrily says to Him: "I feel so betrayed, I put all my faith in You, and yet you did nothing to save me!"
To which God replies, "But I sent you Social Services, the Fire Department and the Coast Guard, and you refused them every time."
That's the version of the story I always tell, but I've been thinking, another ending to that story could have been that Mr. Townsend drowns, but is perfectly content, knowing that God was with him the whole time, and when he sees God, is at peace knowing that his faith DID save him.
Dear God,
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The Courage to change the things I can,
And the Wisdom to know the difference.
https://www.ewtn.com/catholicism/devotions/conditions-13362
I collect these Indulgences which are so important to a number of Catholics that they're framed and hung in a prominent location inside the home. Many of them are also quite beautifully ornate with their detailed artwork, a real treasure!
Talk to your parish priest about getting one issued. And having the priest himself talk to dad, and giving him Last Rites/Extreme Unction if need be, complete with the large cross, holy water and all the rest of the contents. That may be the wake up call dad needs to decide it's not time to be with Lord just yet.
Good luck!
Soon a man in a rowboat came by and the fellow shouted to the man on the roof, "Jump in, I can save you."
The stranded fellow shouted back, "No, it's OK, I'm praying to God and he is going to save me."
So the rowboat went on.
Then a motorboat came by. "The fellow in the motorboat shouted, "Jump in, I can save you."
To this the stranded man said, "No thanks, I'm praying to God and he is going to save me. I have faith."
So the motorboat went on.
Then a helicopter came by and the pilot shouted down, "Grab this rope and I will lift you to safety."
To this the stranded man again replied, "No thanks, I'm praying to God and he is going to save me. I have faith."
So the helicopter reluctantly flew away.
Soon the water rose above the rooftop and the man drowned. He went to Heaven. He finally got his chance to discuss this whole situation with God, at which point he exclaimed, "I had faith in you but you didn't save me, you let me drown. I don't understand why!"
To this God replied, "I sent you a rowboat and a motorboat and a helicopter, what more did you expect?"
1) we go to ER and get you checked out or
2 we call 911 and have paramedics check you out
Good luck
“A hurricane was approaching and evacuation orders were in place and they sent emergency workers to bring a man to a safe location, but the man said I shall stay. I trust in God , I will not perish. God will take care of me. And so the rain came and the waters rose high. Emergency services than sent a row boat to rescue the man again he said I have faith in God, he will save me I will not leave and he sent the row boat away. The waters rose higher so high that the man had to climb out onto his roof. Emergency services this time sent a helicopter to lift the man off the roof. Again the man said I have faith in God he will not let me perish. And so the man sent the helicopter away. The man drowned and when he came in front of God he said to God. I don’t understand I was a faithful servant I believed in you , I believed would not let me perish. God replied, I did not want you to perish. I sent emergency services to save you, you refused, than I sent a rowboat to save you, I you refused. Than I sent a helicopter to save you. You refused all the help I offered.
perhaps if you Dad can realize God is sending medical help for him and he should turn down God’s helpers.
Is it not possible that your fear and grief and panic is possibly your own trauma of your mother's death?
Seek healing, counseling and be accepting of your father's feelings.
I am 70 now, I think that is too young to just quit. Your Dad is probably afraid of the answer if he gets a diagnosis but just what if he has many, many years left and he just doesn't need to live them like this.
Let him know that God helps those who help themselves.
If he refuses help, there's nothing you can do about it.
I think a good priest is your absolute best bet.
I'd just say don't blow a fortune on the funeral. My FIL died suddenly after a fall, and my very Catholic spent nearly $40,000 she could ill-afford on his funeral.
Your dad sounds like my FIL. He died from a brain bleed after hitting his head, then angrily refusing to get checked out because he denied having fallen. He also needed knee replacement surgery for years and wouldn't take even an Advil for pain because he was such a know-it-all. His end wasn't surprising to me, but the rest of the family was absolutely stunned that this was how he met his end. He considered himself a devout Catholic, but various priests weren't good enough, he went to Mass to check off that box each week, and he'd never cracked a Bible in his life.
If I believed in any of that, I'd be very interested in what God had to say to him about his faith, pride, and ultimate end.
Caught that mistake too late to edit.