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I finally told my parents and it didn't go well at all. Mom started out ok, then when we went to talk to dad it was a tag team of FOG. I had enough. I really really wish that I was not born and having to go through this. And worse respectively, I'm going through this alone. I wish I had good and loving and open parents. The birth parents got rid of me, and everything from there took it's own path. Worse my parents are naysaying about my decision to move to another state to start a new life. I'm tired of the naysayers trying to hold me down, the lack of love and genuine support, and the lack of a real caring nurturing family. I'm going to make these phone calls Monday, and buy my train ticket and move in May like I planned. No one's had real faith in me, my abilities or my ideals and goals. It's time to give that all to myself from now on. I'm so grateful regardless of the experiences thus far. The challenges, the people, and this place. But now I need to follow my heart and make a change through tears, sweat and effort.

I will post a few more major updates soon. Thank you.
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Thanks for the update, SlaterVixenCare. You are doing your best. This will be emotional and you are aware that the reaction isn't likely to be good. That being said, you need to stick with your plans. Put things in place and then move. Please do let us know how you're doing as this moves forward.
Carol
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I wanted to update you guys. Last week Friday, I sent in a call request from DAAOA and yesterday received their call. They mentioned their services; Medicaid Waiver Program (they don't have Medicaid), Meals on Wheels, Community assisted chores, and can help with health insurance.

I was actually caught off guard for the call, so I was mostly awkward and nervous the whole time. I told the agent I would take the information and talk with my parents and come up with a plan and would return the call in a week or so.

Since I've mentioned in general needing to do this, there has been nothing but a very sick and nagging sensation of fear, guilt and possibly obligation about needing to tell them. On one hand I just want to run like a flood and the apocalypse is chasing me. I don't want to deal with the whole process of telling them and witnessing their reaction or lack thereof, and also what may happen when I tell my brother about this. Realistically, I am the only who knows what is going on around here, and the only one who cares on a human being level about where they should be placed. This house is no longer fit to me. We've had floods the past few years (this may be the last one as the backyard was dug), We've got 'critters' of the night kind, and add on to the fact, the house is small and inadequate for real care. I'm not able to keep up with the chores, changing and other things have me in tears when I walk away, and I say to myself outloud that this is No way to live and they really need to be elsewhere.

This whole thing has kept me up some nights crying, wracking, and pondering a tactful way to say what needs to be said.

Then there's the move. As I mentioned before, regardless I plan to move. May will be the month, and I plan to move to another state. It's imperative I may sure I do things with minimal damage before I leave, because when I move, I will cease contact to people here. I want to make sure the process is ok and they are going to be taken care of, but that part of me just nags and nags.

I'm going to do some drafts of what I want to say, when is the deciding factor. Thank you for reading and I'll update again soon.
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I want to thank you for responding and update you. I didn't get to call today. I wrote the APS number down and I wrote the DAAA (Detroit Area Agency on Aging) number down. I passed out asleep after doing this as I was exhausted from a long day yesterday. Then after I woke up I was "ill" for the rest of this day. When I get more of my strength back I'll be calling and seeing what options I can have.

Cmag the reason I brought up my brother is, if i decide that I want not continue with the overseeing of their care (and I have no legal obligation to), the ball may fall in his court. There is a possibility he may or may not be able to handle that responsibility, and it would be important that someone professional will completely monitor the more important parts of their care and other processes we may not know about.

I want to arm myself with information, before I decide to talk with my parents and my brother about these plans. No one knows what I plan to do yet, and I want to keep it that way until I'm sure I have something in place for them.

I'm tired, I'm going go back and rest. I'll update this discussion with whatever may come up.
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I agree with cmagnum. For everyone concerned, you are doing the right thing. Start with your local adult social services (ask for aging) which will include Adult Protective Services or their term for that. Let them know that you are burned out and physically deteriorating yourself. Ask them for direction on how to have social services take over. You will likely be giving up rights as to where (or whether) they are placed in care and are together or not. There are no guarantees. However, you need to make changes so please get started. Keep us posed on how this is going for you.
Carol
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I"m sorry that you've not gotten any responses to this. For your own well being and your parents' care you need to go on and call Area or Aging or they may be called. Adult Protective Services, tell them your situation, that you cannot continue as their caregiver and ask what they can do. I would think that they would try to place them in the same nursing home. I don't know that they would need to involve your brother. What difference would that possibly make? Please make that phone call today.

Keep in touch and let us know how things work out.
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