Hi
My 82 yr old mother, with quickly onsetting dementia, is about to sign over her PofA to people she believes she can trust as they have been her "local family" and caregiver for years. But one son is also a manipulator and has been in a sick fantasy relationship (on her part) whereby she has been depleting her savings (giving to him for this or that) and she will soon be down to her monthly pension.
Yes, we have always been close but a recent diagnosis set off further dementia, increasing the "relationship" with the son and I am now the daughter who wants to "put her away".....words I'm sure from his mouth.
My question is this: son is also the heir to her estate (something my brother and I have learned to accept for years...no legal recourse). Estate will be her home.
Is there a clause I, as her daughter, could ask her atty to consider including (for my mom's protection) in the PofA document, which requires PofA to use her assets to pay for her healthcare while she's alive? Previously she and I had always discussed it might be a possibility that the house might need to be sold to pay for healthcare - in whatever form that might be. Now, with the PofA being the heir, I see conflict. It is also possible that Mom will assign son's mom as primary and him secondary. But case would be the same, I believe.
Please help. Thank you.
I tried to google where to get more info on what you just said - as this is exactly how my Mom has been paying those who help her.
Do you know where I can find it or what I type in to a search engine?
Thanks....
Since posting:
1. no word ever from Mom's atty
2. she signed it to caregiver/son equally
3. I know because this morning I must have caught her in a motherly moment and she agreed to let me have a copy. I teleconferenced atty on phone with us and we asked him to send a copy of it to me and I threw in "will" as well.
4. Brother/Me get "real property" in will and son gets anything else - of which I doubt there will be anything else. As said above, I don't there will be a house as well, depending on her healthcare needs. I hope there are years of care needed, tho', as I DO love her.
My concern is STILL about what the PoA can do. It is a Durable PofA and nowhere that I can see does it say any transactions must be to her benefit. I've contacted the State Bar and they've referred me to a local atty.
I also STILL want to know how this atty qualified my mom knowing that she had been diagnosed with dementia (tho' not in writing)(I even gave him my mother's doctor's name and timeframe) to sign this document and did she understand each of the Powers she was giving away. When I asked her this morning she only said that she was happy now and didn't worry about the future.
Of particular concern are/were the phrases: real property transactions, personal and family maintenance (?), benefits from social security, Medicare, Medicaid, etc.
I see that this is so far reaching and so insidious that one would think it would have been a bigger topic with a bigger voice. Or have I just not known because it hasn't hit me until now. I've only been worrying about puppy mills and CNN. So much more, but that's another topic, huh.....
My mom has dementia and no short term memory. She has no idea what's going on from one minute to the next. And her wishes, regarding the use of her savings for her care, have been discarded by her POA, to benefit the POA at my mother's expense.
Quite frankly, unless our parents are very rich, the issue of inheritance, and waiting "for their fair share," isn't even a realistic concern. The vast majority of aging parents in need of care have no savings, modest savings or only enough to support their care over a longer period of time. Parents who are very rich, more often than not, make sure checks and balances are provisioned, so family POAs, or legal representatives can not use their money for anything other than what parents specify.
It's unfortunate that parents of lesser means do not provision checks and balances to discourage POA abuse. My mother is by no means a rich woman, but she worked very hard for over 30 years, saved religiously, and told each of her children that if she ever fell ill and was unable to care for herself, her savings should be used for her care. He savings are gone, were not used for her care and though I tried, I could not prevent it.
Those who say, "Forget about the money. Be happy someone is taking care of your Mom," don't seem to understand that breach of fiduciary trust is about NOT caring for Mom; that using Mom's money for personal gain is NOT in Mom's best interest. If a family caregiver can't handle fiduciary responsibilities because he or she is emotionally compromised by stress/burn-out, that family caregiver should either: Work with family members who are willing to take over caregiving or solicit help from family members and/or legal professionals with respect to developing a management plan for Mom's finances.
When a parent saves for years to fund their retirement, and over the years, state time and again, the importance of their savings for assisting with their care, those statements should recognized and respected by family POAs. And while the vast majority of parents would have no problem with full-time family caregivers receiving a stipend from their savings for providing care, most would no doubt be concerned if their adult child drained their savings for college tuition or any other big ticket expenses at the expense of their parent. This is a breach of trust -- one that can have a direct impact on the parent's care options as the need to adjust care develops over time. It represents a loss of choice -- the difference between having in-home care during a crisis or not having extra assistance or access to medical options that otherwise would've been affordable.
I see this happening now with my Mom, who's in need of the kind of high-priced medical care that must be paid for up-front, and is not covered by Medicare. She would've had many choices had it not been for her resources being drained by her POA. In my case, speaking up for my Mom has basically resulted in my siblings cutting me off. I want my Mom to come and stay with me, but my sister who is POA and Executor, has shut down every attempt I've made to bring my Mom to my home.
I've seen much criticism of other siblings by siblings who are caring for parents. Other siblings are often characterized as "greedy," and "only concerned with preserving inheritance," when in fact most of these siblings are concerned about preserving care choices and quality of life for parents over time.
I hope things work out for you. I don't know if talking to attorneys or reporting to APC makes a difference since the law basically allows POAs to have full power over their Principal's lives. This results in other siblings/family members having very little say in decisions regarding their parent's care or finances.
I hope things work out for you.
As of this morning, my mother's attorney "should" be reading the fax that I poured my heart into and sent him last night. I explained the "background" of my concerns, the present situation, the fact that I "did" recently call APS as I fear "someone" brought a bag of candy into the house (her room) whereby she ate half the bag and her BSugar went up to 500. That, to me, is directly abuse in her situation.
I don't know what will happen. All of your points are correct. Could my husband and I take care of her if all else fails? Yes and we would. We I do everything else I could do legally "get the sucker"?!? I don't know. My brother and I have been out of my mom's will since 2004 because of him and it took a long time to get over that. My mom has chosen him over us in any situation for years as well, and it's taken "not yet" for me to get over that one. So I don't know. Especially as she changes. BUT, saying that, I DO know that she's happy and cared for now. I'm just projecting into the future, and perhaps that's wrong. If I'm lucky, I'll be posting in the future that I lucked out and they wrote a beautiful obituary for her.
BUT, if I can, I'll let you know what the attorney does re: PofA and her safety.
Fingers crossed!