Does the holder of a POA have any obligation to provide periodic reports to their siblings concerning their plans for the grantors care?

Hm. PG, I recommend that you remind your mother to check her balances on a regular basis, like once a month, ideally make it the same day each month so that it's essentially the same as the statements she used to receive. And if she still has capacity, and she's seriously unhappy with the way your sister is managing her affairs, she can always revisit her POA decision. If you're wise, though, you won't touch it with a stick.

Another suggestion - I've put it to my sister because my mother keeps asking me about it, but it hasn't happened yet - is to ask your sister to provide your mother with a monthly account of all monies spent on your parents' behalf by their POA (i.e. your sister). This is a perfectly reasonable request with which she ought to be happy to comply: it's your parents' money, your mother is entitled to know exactly what it is being spent on.

Here's the but: but you are not entitled to know. Not unless your mother says so, anyway. You need to assure your sister that you're not ferreting around, or she'll fight tooth and nail to prevent the information reaching you.

Your sister is accountable for what she does with the money she's entrusted with - just not to you. I sympathise, it makes me narrow my eyes and think Hmmmm from time to time too, because the whole situation is inevitably wide open to abuse; but that's how it is. Our parents appointed POAs they trusted, it wasn't us, and if they made lousy, ill-thought-through choices that's not our fault. If we don't like it, the theory goes, we can always wash our hands of it and walk...

Mother, if sincerely upset and still competent, needs to change the POA. Sounds like someone's lawyer needs to locate their backbone and make that a firm recommendation too - at some point it is either that, or continue to be robbed blind while the one who cares gets nothing - which should be unacceptable; or to involve the police.

PG, I do remember your situation now, especially when you wrote about your sister's IP attorney.

Tough situation; it's unfortunate that it's turned out this way. Your parents should be able to enjoy the company of all her children, but unfortunately a lot of times it just doesn't work out that way.

Sounds also as if Sis feels she's a high-powered career woman and knows more about finances than her down-to-earth caregiving sister.

Your parents need to change the DPOA - that's probably the only way this situation will be resolved.

I appreciate your explanation.

GA, yes I see where you are coming from, because I am the 24/7 caregiver for my parents BUT I don't have the POA, and it's causing endless problems (my older Sister, far out of state, has the POA and I believe she abuses it).
There is simply no burden at all, the POA should be keeping an accounting of the finances anyhow! So it would just be a matter of mailing or emailing the balance sheets.

FWIW, the proof is: POA, my Sister, wrote checks to herself after visiting my parents over Thanksgiving and when I asked about it, she claimed it was for her hotel bill while visiting....this from someone who makes 6 figures and lives in 3/4 million home....regularly travels in 5 star hotels for pleasure as well as business.

We hashed it out in a meeting with my attorney (Elder Care), parents' attorney (copyright lawyer, an old friend of Sis) and Sis was there on audio only. My parents were there and both instructed Sis to not write any more checks for travel. But there were some other items I'm not going to disclose that also show Sis using parents' money, without prior permission, for her own benefit.

My lawyer clearly identified this as not in accordance with the intent of POA; the parents' lawyer--who is a college friend of Sis--claims that Sis is entitled to be compensated for her time taking care of parents.......which is a major point of disagreement: My lawyer said, No, visiting parents is not reimbursable, but other lawyer said "Oh yes it is!."

I even pointed out to parents' lawyer, who are you working for? Sis, or my parents?

Whereupon the fight continues, since I am NOT compensated for ANY of my 24/7 caretaking duties!. So yes I am offended by Sis literally TAKING money for herself, and never even imagining that it would be appropriate to compensate me for my time.

WORSE YET, Sis has now instructed all financial institutions to discontinue statements emailed to my mom (Dad is not competent). Mom can still dial in and look at the balances, and print them out if she wants. But without regularly receiving the statements, Mom doesn't ever look at them.....

To me this has all appearances of Sis trying to hide further suspicious activity. I would never have known about the other withdrawls if not for Mom having asked me "what is this?" for several items she had no prior knowledge of, and Mom was extremely upset about all of it. See my other posts......

PG, while in theory what you write does sound helpful, in practicality it could open a hornet's nest of sibling meddling and unwanted intervention, especially from non-participatory siblings.

Some of us are on scene, doing all the driving, laundry, meal prep, some exterior work, as well as legal and financial work. Some siblings are local, some are not. Some participate with help, others do not. Those who do not have no idea what it's like to have DPOA responsibilities for someone.

I see no valid reason why I should account for my decisions or actions to someone who doesn't even call except on major holidays and birthdays. The expenditure of time and money I've encountered is not something someone living several states away and who has absolutely no right to judge me or my actions can comprehend or appreciat.

I think this is an issue that splits down the middle between those doing the work and those wanting to oversee someone else's work.

In your case, it sounds as though there are issues beyond that, which is a problem outside of just responsible reporting.

Frankly, I think adding the kind of accounting you suggest would be like adding more burdens to already overworked and stressed out caregivers.

You say you have proof; have you confronted your sibling about these issues? What was her response?

WilliamHenry is right. My parents' DPOA document was very recently gone over (with both my attorney & parents' attorney).
My guy pointed out this problem with the DPOA, that there is no accountability, no checks & balances.
My parents' attorney said it's not a problem, "just ask" the DPOA if you have any questions.
Herein lies the problem: the DPOA is not trustworthy, I have proof (checks she wrote to herself on parents' checking account.....) But there are much bigger problems going on with the DPOA (dad has dementia, and to change the DPOA would be difficult).
SO, I would say, all POA documents and any other documents with parents' bank accounts, etc should all require periodic reporting to ALL beneficiaries, showing who exactly has written checks, made withdrawls, etc. This is the ONLY way that there can in fact be "checks & balances."
There is a reason for the saying "Giving someone DPOA is giving a license to steal."

N1K2R3, the DPOA can indeed have that obligation. The elder can require it. The problem is that elders often waive the requirements -- sometimes on the advice of well-meaning attorneys who do not specialize in elder law.

After reading the many posts here in reference to your mother's care, I would guess that the DPOA and/or POA has no "obligation" to inform her siblings of the care plan. However, it may be a good idea to do so. you never know. Someone may have a better idea. The way I see it, it all comes down to money...funds in the trust, the estate, the will, and funds available for immediate use.

If your wife has a POA for financial matters and the advanced directive for the end of life care, I guess she will be making all decisions.
However, that brings me back to the decision to place her in an assisted care facility, why so far away from everyone? Given the hip recovery, I hope this place has nursing home ,skilled nursing home staff. Assisted living generally don't handle enough of these types of problems.

I would not place a parent thousands of miles away. No one will be able to visit her regularly, make on-site decisions on her health care plan, encourage her as she faces medical issues, shows up to feed her when she will need help getting the food to her mouth. I can't believe the mother would chose to be thousands of miles from everyone she knows, a very isolated old age. Why?

Does your wife have an alternative proposal for her mother's care?

I infer from your post that communications between the sisters are not good. That is a pity, although I appreciate that it's not always something that can be put right. But unless your wife has a better idea, and assuming that her mother's whereabouts are not actually being kept from her - she's still able to call, write, even visit, is she? - then I cannot see what there is to be gained by an attempt to invoke the law.

Presumably the POA sister has selected this ALF on the grounds that it's in her mother's own home location, has she? It's not totally clear whether the POA sister is among the siblings who would be more than a thousand miles distant; but even if she would, she must have had reasons for her choice. What do you think they are? Do you in fact disagree with them?

I was completely exhausted, nearly had a stroke and cardiac arrest. I lost 40 lbs. in the first 40 days and I didn't sleep for the first 40 hours I got to my mother's side. She was diabetic and a hoarder, it took me 3 weeks to clear out her house while she was in rehab, she had all kinds of stress from her money-begging children, my siblings, and mental disorders from their constant 20 year harassment for money. She was mad as a hatter until I could get her socialized to some degree in assisted living and being around other people again. She's not as lonely but she is still devastated and depressed. My family waited like buzzards on carrion for me to burn-out from caregiving and then they came in with lawyers when I was stressed to the max and exhausted and tried a hostile conservatorship take-over which back-fired on them. Their own lawyers recommended a public fiduciary instead in order to steal the estate away from my siblings who were attempting to steal it away from their mother while she is still living, and now all the court judge appointed officials are in cahoots and have wrested control of mother's $6000 dollar a month pension and her 3 properties. They liquidated every bit of her assets and the money is now in their pockets, they now pay themselves handsomely from her pensions, they have Medicare paying for her $3000 a month assisted living through some loop-hole they have found to get around the 1900 dollar income limit so they have her $6000 a month to now divvy up amongst themselves while claiming that it goes into her "estate" for her expenses; meanwhile the 3 lawyers, 1 public fiduciary, 1 guardian, 5 hospice day care visitors, 2 aps, judge, 2 investigators are all charging federal and county taxpayer funds and mom's estate, giving each other kick-backs and salaries, "fees" charged to mom's estate. The thieves are making a killing and donating to the judge's election campaign right down to the thieving assisted living managers keeping her hostage in assisted living so they can collect her $3000 dollar a month rent provided by Medicare. It's despicable, all on the taxpayer's and my mother's estate's dime. My inheritance vanished along with my health, job, healthcare, pension, home, I lost everything in a sacrifice for my mother. It is still exhausting just trying to avoid becoming homeless, i'm already penniless and jobless, while I sell my house as quickly as I can before the foreclosure lawyers do to me what the estate lawyers did to my mother and steal all the equity I've built up in my house. Now I'm homeless at 61, with my pension pissed away to save my mother's finances before the thieves took her estate away from me and I'm left with nothing left but to wait till I'm 62 to draw early, limited social security and I'm too sick to work and have no healthcare of personal doctor cause I have no money. The siblings were mere vultures not lifting a finger to help their matriarch and resentful that she can't keep giving them money, and so was the relentless system of crooked lawyers, judges, investigators, assisted living managers, all outright thieves. Yes, it is exhausting, especially when you're the only one doing all of the dirty work for 20 years and then, just when I pulled my pensions to pay my mother's delinquent taxes on her homes that were left in her will to me, the judge seized the properties on the grounds my mother was incompetent, against the testimony of 5 medical experts he appointed who all unanimously said she tested competent and most certainly unanimously agreed she was not incompetent, but the judge over-ruled, he had his pre-determined agenda, with the outcome being that all of the money is going towards paying his local 3 appointed lawyers and 2 investigators charging to the estate. All of 300,000 dollars that they could liquidate is slated for the court official fees for the dragged out 8 month hearing that caused me and my mother to go bankrupt. The judge is a no good thief and a liar, just like the siblings who lied under oath, bore false witness against their mother and brother, coveted their mother's properties with greed and avarice to acquire what was her's for themselves even though they were not in mom's will, they were contesting it and they dishonored their mother, in short, broke every one of the ten commandments with impunity, just like the judge. They murdered my mother's soul in the twilight of her days and kept her in Arizona jurisdiction, when a year later, she still longs to go back to her sold-off home with view looking over the pacific ocean in California that they're selling to pay for their unwarranted salaries and legal fees. Crooks, who kill little old ladies and rob them of their god-given life in the twilight of their days, mother stares off into space vacant eyes now with nothing to live for and every day the same as the last one, rotting in an assisted living with nothing to live for.
I long for the day my home sells before the foreclosure lawyers can steal it and I can go back to mom, live close to her, away from the evil family that has turned their back on her and have regular, daily visits, swimming in the pool and walking her little dog, together again. She's 89 this September the 9th.

My sister got Dad to sign a POA. We didn't know about it until he died when she thought she still had authority over the estate. also found out my name was on the POA and she had her daughter's name put on Dad's checking account. It is the POA's duty to provide records to siblings. Unfortunetly her incompitence led to my father's death.

if you know where she is and are not barred from visiting, I would say see for yourself as soon as you can...deliberatley being far away form everyone does not sound right by any means - if you find things are not right, and there is reason to remove the current POA for non-performance of basic duties then you could proceed. maybe it would be possible to Skype or have other communication long distance too?

family dynamics certainly come to the fore when parents lose control of themselves and family don't they ??? My very dysfunctional siblings showed their colours after Pa died, and then my loopy sister who probably from her own brain injury has dementia, did some terrible things with my Ma so I landed up as the health POA .. I informed them [other 4 siblings] what was happening, as we hit the rocky road of finding the right rest home and then a secure dementia unit. it was obvious, but had hoped for an improvement in her condition that she would never be able to live in anyones home, but she [Ma] kept running away from the rest homes........ well took off with her walker, and just forgot what reverse was so kept walking !! I only reported the changes in situation, not the day to day nightmares. And now, as far as Im concerned, they all know the ph # of the rest home she is in, they can phone or visit, everyone is within 2 hrs travel, unless from overseas,
When I did do a family report its a group one, so no one could say they didn't get it.
When I worked in rest homes, I noted that often it wasn't those close by that visited but those from great distances, I wasn't sure if your POA sister has her mother far away from her also ??? if so that sounds bad management, or just living close to her and away from all the other family. Those drop in visits are necessary and important. IF the dementia is past the point of any return, does the mother even know if anyone has been. ??
I visited my Ma yesterday and walked into the room, she didn't recognise me, as she was busy getting a mirror shifted.. so I went and talked to the staff and 5mins later went back and re-greeted her and got her acknowledgment but realised she knew my name but thinks Im now her sister, not daughter.
guess I haven't answered your question, but cant see why your wife cant ph the rest home her mother is going into, and getting an update that way. HIPPA does not prevent someone of the family being informed how their mother is. And would your wife be prepared to be more physically active in her mothers care, for a better connection. I know how P** off I got with failure for any support from one of my siblings, to even do a check. on the days I couldn't... despite her driving by, just 200 yards from the rest home

The inquirer here doesn't give enough information surrounding events within the family leading up to POA's decision to give a black and white answer to his query.

In families, there is often one adult child who sacrifices their life (every last ounce of it) to care for aging parents, and or grandparents. This is the adult child who cares about what happens to aging relatives who are loosing their ability to be self sufficient. Often because of illness, a fall, or an apparent mental decline, this is the adult child who is observant of the needs of others instead of being self absorbed as to remain oblivious the the decline that happens to every human being including them.

This population is often just as vulnerable as infants, young children, emerging adolescents, and are preyed up and abused at alarming rates if left alone. They need a close, and trusted person to have their best interests at heart. We don't leave our children alone, nor are we uninterested in what happens to them during the day while interacting with people outside the family domain. I've been horrified by the actions and or lack of action of often times minimum wage, and untrained employees in many managed care facilities. This would include hospital settings, with educated, well paid and trained professionals providing "care." When I asked a nurse for a bedpan for my father at HIS REQUEST to urinate, and when the nurse told me to, "tell him to wet himself because he had a diaper" I was shocked and furious by her reply! Really?!! There was absolutely nothing wrong with him other than being forced to stay in bed because he was a fall risk at the time, and I was not about to allow him to be stripped of his dignity any further. I immediately called on the Patient Advocate informing of the situation, and stating that this nurse was to have no further contact with my father! What would have happened if I had not been there? Is that how any of us want to be treated? Caring for elders is a full time, under appreciated, and often thankless occupation, that unless you choose to take on the burden you have no idea about the personal sacrifice involved. I consider it the "right thing to do" because I'm that way. I hope someday what I model for my child will keep me out of harms way. No one wants to become a burden, but we sometimes don't have that choice.

In my family there has been little concern from other family members until the caregiver has reached a point of sheer exhaustion, both physically, mentally and emotionally. The caregiver eventually reaches the heartbreaking decision to put the elder in an alternative living situation. Then the siblings who've been on the remote sidelines, except with their hands out for the obligatory card and check, all show up up "concerned" voicing their advise and opinions about "what's best." What all that often boils down to is concern about the financial loss of any possible inheritance they assume will be forthcoming.

From my experience the POA or caregiver may be so exhausted and defeated by the lack of involvement of other family members there is also resentment, and feelings of being abandoned by other capable siblings. Perhaps this could be the reason that getting information about the intentions of the POA is "impossible." People generally shut down communication if they feel ignored and left with the sole responsibility for providing care.

There may not be an obligation to share reports with the siblings about the parent's care but is would be wise to do so, based on approval by the parent. Keeping secrets from other close family members just creates discord within the family.

The main goal is to make sure the Mother gets the best care and support possible, based on her wishes.

There is absolutely no legal obligation that requires the POA holder to provide reports anytime unless the POA Instrument requires it or a judge orders it. I was my mother's DPOA for her before she died. I asked my mother's lawyer that exact question when it was drawn up so I would understand my responsibilities.

As other responders have said, make sure that you understand the difference between a POA for financial matters and a POA for health care. Assuming that the SIL in question holds POA for heath care, she has the right and responsibility for making care decisions. She also has the responsibility to maintain confidentiality unless MIL gives permission to release information. Does MIL have dementia, or is she capable of providing input in her care decisions? Maybe she wants to stay in her current location. Years ago, when I would read an obituary in which a person had children who all lived hundreds or thousands of miles away I would think to myself "what selfish children, why didn't they move that parent closer so that they could provide care?" . Then, my MIL's health declined. Although she had no children in her hometown, she refused to even consider a move. We went through in home caregivers, several hospitalizations and finally placement in an AL facility, all in the hometown. Meanwhile, the family was trying to make decisions and provide care from a distance due to jobs and children in their own locations. There were many days spent on the road, often in a crisis situation. Now when I read those obituaries my thought is "those selfish elders, why didn't they move closer to their children to make it easier for them to provide care?". Maybe you don't understand just what the POA SIL is dealing with.

REVISION to my previous submission.
"I thought my mother would be alive so both my parents could reap the rewards of the law suit, but that DID NOT happen."

You should find out why your SIL wants to move her 1000 miles away, to begin with. Who is taking care of your MIL now? Since there is no one around to "effectively manage care on a regular basis", what is the alternative considering that all the kids moved away? POA, guardianship & health care proxy are all different things. POA is for financial matters in the event that your MIL cannot handle her own finances anymore. Health care proxy is to make decision regarding end of life issues if your MIL is unable to make those decisions herself. Guardianship is for when MIL is completely unable to take care of herself, make decisions, etc., the same as guardianship for a child would be. If your MIL is competent to make her own decisions, perhaps you should be asking her what her thoughts on this are. Maybe she wants to go to that assisted living facility. If you have already spoken to your mother & your SIL, and both are not forthcoming with information to answer your questions, there really isn't anything you can do except try to get guardianship through the courts---that is, if your MIL is not competent to make her own decisions. What do the other siblings think about it? Are you willing to take responsibility for MIL's care 24/7? What are the other options? What are the reasons the decision was made to put her in assisted living to begin with?

I am a financial and medical POA and my brother is the secondary POA for my mother and father and I have three additional siblings. When my brother and I were in the trenches handling the most difficult part of caregiving the other three just stood by and didn't do anything. My mother got sick first and was hospitalized for some time then she came home where every day I would go to my parent's house and take care of my mother and father, cook their food, pick up his medications and made sure they took them during the day and would stay with them for hours upon hours. Within five months of coming home my mother requested than I find a place for her so I entered her into a nursing home near her house where she stayed for eight months. So now I would visit her and stay with her in the nursing home and pick up my father every day to go see her. I still cooked for him and helped him with his medications. After awhile it became too much and my brother who is the secondary POA had to help me with my father. It was a very difficult time for both of us. The other three stayed in the wings the who time with very limited visits to the nursing home and no visits to see my father at home. My mother was moved to another nursing home about a 45 minutes away. I still visited my mother and helped her to get to her dialysis appointments too. Still the other three were in the wings and did nothing to help the situation. My mother was in this new nursing home for three months and my father was then admitted about three months after her. No one had nothing to say about my decisions up to this point. I also hired an attorney to help me with my parent's house, but that's another story and no one offered to help with that. I alone made funeral arrangements and everything that goes along with that. My brother POA was privy to all financial and medication decisions I had made and he supported me 100%. Still at this point nothing from the other three and their visits were very few and far between.

Before my mother passed away seven months ago I found out that she had horrible bed soars, so I contacted an attorney to help me with this. At this time I did now know my mother would be alive only three more months.

Ever since this suit has been active, two of the other three siblings now think that I've been stealing money from my parents and think that I'm pursuing this suite for my own financial gain mainly because one month after my mother originally went into the hospital I bought a new car. Now I worked all my adult life and have a pension and 401K which I used to buy my car. She appointed me to take care of her's and my father's finances and anything else I had to take care of. So I did. I would also freely tell my sister some of the financial information. Since my integrity was in questions, I offered to she her and my other brother my bank statement which showed the amount I paid off my car and I had a copy of the check send to me from my pension plan which also showed my balance. I thought this would clear the air. I guess it did for a moment until the law suit came into play. My other brother made a comment that my mother should not have been put into a nursing home, but he did not lift one pinky to help -- not one, but he remains to be an accuser.

The only person now that I give any information to whether it be financial or medical is my POA brother. The other three don't really talk to me anymore.

I did every thing I could to help my mother live and continue to help my father live even though he is in the nursing home, and these three have the nerve to say that I am pursing this law suit for my own benefit. I thought my mother would be alive to reap the benefits herself, but that did happen.

My father depends on my a lot even though he is in the nursing home. I call him every day, sometimes twice a day and see him once a week, sometimes twice a week and that still more than they do. They hardly call him and sometimes weeks would go by before they even go see him.

My POA brother told me no matter how transparent you are people are going to think what they're going to think.

After all this I cannot believe to this day how those three think of me, but I will continue to keep doing what I have to do no matter what they say or think. I spoke to my father about this and he supports me 110%.

I feel that if they were active in the caregiving of my mother maybe they would not feel that they didn't deserve anything from the suit. That's how I feel about it.

If anyone is in anything remotely similar to this, I suggest you keep doing what you're doing with confidence and try not to be shaken by nay sayers -- family or not.

In the case of my father, mother was his POA and at times his sister was in disagreement with the care that my mother insisted that he get because she felt he should have been on hospice care earlier where my mother felt it was best for her husband to get aggressive treatments to help his condition. My Aunt respected my mother's decision even though she disagreed with it and felt that my mother should do what she feels is best. She did voluntarily offer information with his sister to keep her informed. My brother who lived in Maryland was kept informed via email and phone calls. I would seek your attorney and find out what the rules are for POA in your state or city jurisdiction. Some form of communication should be given to keep everyone informed because the person who is POA may need someone else in the family to step in and attend to a situation with your mother. This would be detrimental to your mother if only one person knows what is going on with her care.

hey Seabiscuit, let's write a book together! We could tell our personal stories complete with phone conversations, emails, etc. What a FUN read! NEVER knew this could happen in MY family. It has!
Kathy from Hartford, CT

Well, I can tell you that she belongs in a nursing home right now assuming she just had hip surgery. They'll work at getting her back on her feet. Mom was in a nursing home getting rehab for two months following her hip surgery. She's walking now; not quite as good as before because she has other health problems, but at least she's on her feet. That rehabilitation is probably paid for by Medicare.

What is your objection? That she's in a nursing home? That's probably where she belongs. Or that you don't know what the long-term plans are? Maybe your SIL doesn't know that either. What she does going forward is probably fully dependent on whether or not mom responds to rehab and gets back on her feet. The nursing home may be temporary or it may be permanent.

If your wife doesn't have a "good enough" relationship with her sister to have conversations with her about mom's care, you don't have much. When the rubber meets the road is a poor time to establish two-way communication.

Call an elder attorney, why would anyone put their parent 1000 miles away from family and just desert them that way? That is cruel and inhumane and all the siblings should rise and take care of this pronto

I am Mom's POA..medical and financial. I have FULL/SOLE responsibility for her. My brother does NOTHING to help me with her...not even a phone call, so I do what I want to do and I don't tell him anything. I feel the person who has been doing it ALL has the final say in the person's care and decision. As long as there is no misuse (funds) or abuse (physical)...not a problem. Do what you need to do.

I have six siblings two of which help once in a while. I asked this specific question to our lawyer when I signed POA for my mom because I knew how the other siblings might react. The answer I was advised was that I am under NO obligation to share any information what so ever and in fact should keep it private. I have chosen to share with those that help me or if there obviously a major concern where morally I would want to know. Again, though there are always two sides and in my experience I am met often with confrontation from folks who never help so personally for the most part have followed the advice of the lawyer.

All information is confidential and privy only to the General Durable Power of Attorney and there is a reason for that: my experience has been Hell in the breach of confidentiality. I thought I had a moral obligation to inform siblings simply because she was their mother too. Very bad idea. I wish I had never included them. My siblings have a history of being lying sociopathic thieves and I've avoided them for over 45 years, never making contact or responding to their efforts to contact me, never. And I should have kept it that way, mom on the other hand, was lonely and let them continue to pry into her life even as I was the only one for the last 20 years to take care of her. In the end I did all of the work and they shunned any responsibility to help her when she needed someone. They were very quick to exploit her for money and her credit cards, which they never paid her back what they promised they would and owed her.

It's not resentment towards my mom, those days are over. I'm way beyond bitter, resentful or frustrated at mom, I'm destroy by the situation that I am still frustrated with. I'm crushed for myself and for her. My life and health are destroyed. It's time for God's comeback for me. I have to heal myself now that mom is in assisted living where she does not want to be nor needs to be. The evil siblings had the evil judge and courts stuff her in an old folks home on the grounds that I breached my fiduciary duties which were never identified or allegated in court, they just falsely accused it to steal my mother's estate, liquidate and carve up her money for themselves. When there was no evidence against me to prove, they turned on mother and declared her incapacitated. Beware the "justice" system. This is how they make their money, looking for little old ladies to rob. Judges and lawyers are by and large crooks by their very own vocations and by the very system they operate in and how it's set up to rob people. Justice is blind but it is not deaf to the clinking sound of silver and gold in people's pockets. It was not a house of justice for all nor for my mother; instead it was a house of commerce for lawless thieves. The lawless, crooked judge in Yuma Arizona and his appointed thieving lawyers and investigators made exorbitant unwarranted salaries they charged to my mother's estate. They stole my inheritance and the home I stood to inherit but as long as my mother is safe, I know I sacrificed everything, including my own job, own pension, healthcare, my own home which I lost to foreclosure and my entire worldly possessions to help another; I didn't lose it on drugs and alcohol and gambling, nor in attempting to steal from my mother as the liars tried to falsely accuse. But I did lose everything trying to protect, care for and keep my mother alive while the other kids abused her, cleaned her out of all of her money hoping she would die and turned their backs on her when they couldn't get any more money and property that belonged to her. She's alive and safe and sadly, aware of all of the injustice that has happened to her, but her life and care in assisted living where I put her while I recovered her finances has kept her alive and that is my reward. Now, I have to save myself and heal myself. I'm starting completely over again with nothing at the age of 62. Mom and I couldn't love each other more and she has disowned her other children who never call her, now that their lawyers have stolen all the money, having sucked mother dry, they have turned their back on her and are now robbing their own husbands and children. Be very cautious and deadly aware of the greed and avarice in this world. I walked innocently right into it, relying on the letter of the law to protect me and my mother. My sisters and their children (judges, lawyers, investigators, APS, public fiduciary, guardian, county assigned hospice and assisted living managers - it's a racket!!) were all sociopaths and psychotic greedy, selfish liars and thieves, perjuring themselves under oath and putting mom's money in their pockets. I told my mother for 45 years to cast not her pearls before swine. I didn't speak to either of my sisters for 45 years (now their own children are estranged, hate their mothers and have NOTHING to do with them, never speak to their own mothers who aren't even allowed to know their phone numbers; they came and testified in the hearing on their grandmother's and my, their uncle's, behalf. They stay in communication with me and mom, but not with their own mothers whom they despise. I told mom, "don't go into a room with a cobra in it." Stay away from your lying, thieving dishonest children. Those children have all along presumed that everything Mom owned belong to them and by continuing to communicate with her evil children she entitled them to ruin her life. She cries every day for me now and rues the day that she ever included her wicked liars in her life. They left her flat broke and wishing she could go home with her son, the home that their lawyers are now liquidating to pay for their lavish self-paid salaries and at the expense of the son who is now destitute at the age of 62. I was that son who sacrificed everything I had to save my mother when her grandson left her for dead on the lawn of the emergency room, he was too stoned on drugs and didn't want to take her all the way into the emergency room so he dropped her off outside where a male nurse found her, picked her up and took her into emergency ICU - true story. I'm glad I did the right thing but it wasn't fair of the judge and my sisters to put their mother in a home to rot alone and steal her 3 homes when 5 medical experts all declared her competent, but the judge over-ruled their expert evaluations and tests which she passed with flying colors and no doubt to her competency, the judge declaring in court instead: "I'm the expert." (so arrogant he spoke and it's in the transcript), just so he could carry out his agenda to steal her estate! Beware! Take care of your mother but tell no one your intentions. The managers at her assisted living illegally alerted my sister, breaching confidentiality clause in the lease to keep all information private which is only allowed to be divulged to the Power of Attorney, my sister was not her POA, I was, they broke the law and it would cost us too much money to sue them (the whole town of Yuma AZ is a healthcare racket!), when mom and I were giving assisted living her 30 days notice so I could take her back to her beloved home which the grandson was squatting in rent free for 7 years, so his mother, my sister scheduled an illegal 4 day hearing on March 12 (it has to be 2 weeks minimum) in order to block her mother's eviction of the grandson in a legally scheduled hearing on the 13th, and the lawless Yuma judge rescheduled an illegally scheduled hearing, justice delayed, denied, corrupted! Just so the daughter wouldn't have to be responsible for her 37 year old deadbeat son, illiterate, never has had a job in his entire life, she claims he's retarded when he is not, 3 illegitimate kids by 3 different women, and he has never paid a penny in child support in 11 years and has lived off of "grandmommy" his entire life! My Mom financially needed her home back, HER asset and resource in order to recover from the bankruptcy her same daughter and grandson put her in by charging over 100,000 dollars collectively in unauthorized charges to her good credit and her cards behind her back, and by swindling her in fraud investments with them where they promised to "pay her back", then they tried to steal their matriarch's own home in court away from her while their own lawyers stole the estate away from them! So the crooked judge and lawyers and investigators could put the money in their own pockets. The judge and his appointed lawyers and investigators took every penny of Mom's assets for themselves - $300,000 dollars!
The exact price of the sale of mom's ocean view home, 4 bedroom 2 bath home on a cliff over-looking the Pacific ocean on 3 acres. They stole every asset she had to pay themselves salaries and she's heart broken, completely devastated. A good mother and caring grandmother should not have been treated this way, she cared for everyone who abused, neglected her and left her to die after stealing everything she worked a lifetime to earn.

Not having read any other answers, first, there are several types of POA such as durable POA and general POA. AND each state has different mandates and requirements re. notification of family and POA. If you are concerned of her care, the family does in most states (but it would be wise to check) have a right to inquire of all things...unless there were any special contingencies written in the POA. I hope that helps.

40% of caregiver's report problems with siblings. I don't know what kind of relationship exits between your wife and her siblings (either currently or historically). As I say on p. 109 in my book "What to Do about Mama?": "Sometimes caregivers find it less emotionally stressful to lower their expectations and choose not to engage their siblings. It’s a tough call, because caregiving without support presents its own set of health and emotional risks. Only-children sometimes describe not having anyone to second-guess their actions as a positive, but then, having a cooperative family group is more positive."

I speak at length about how to establish a care plan based on shared responsibility. There's even a vignette (Dean's Story) about brother's who accomplished cooperation despite a poor relationship. You just might it helpful to read the book before this simmering battle erupts into a full-blown war.
Barbara M.