Please help. I'm trying to set up a burial for my mom in the most inexpensive way possible but I'm running into a problem. Any suggestions?

I'm so sorry.

I'm very sorry for your loss.

That said, no one is required to bankrupt themselves to honor someone who is not here to know whether you carried out their wishes. I suggest cremation.

My father-in-law died three years ago. He wanted to be cremated in spite of being a devout Catholic. My mother-in-law, even more devout than FIL, had him embalmed, had a viewing, a rosary service, then a full funeral the next day followed by a luncheon for 200. THEN he was cremated! Total price tag was around $35,000, and for what? So we could look at a body with an atrocious sprayed on make-up job in a poor attempt to cover up the brain surgery he'd had.

I know MIL wants similar treatment (but burial, not cremation, so add another $10k), but I also know that unless she prepaid for it, her kids will not be paying for it. It isn't because they don't love her or want to honor her, but because only two of them make enough money to afford their 1/7 share of a bill like that.

You honor your mother in the way you remember her, whether it's through a memorial service (no body in attendance) and how you live your life from here on out. You don't honor her by paying outrageous sums to funeral directors.

If she had no money to pay for her funeral, then she is not going to be able to be buried. Hopefully she at least has a plot that is paid for. Even if you don’t embalm her, which is not required, it is still going to cost more than $5000. It is maybe a little late to donate her body to a medical school or something as they pay for burial. I am sorry for your lose. You should probably have her cremated and try not to feel guilty. You don’t need a regular coffin. They have cardboard ones to be used for that purpose.

Please accept my condolences on your loss.

My Catholic father told us he wanted to be cremated and his ashes scattered around his hometown. My parents had no plans for a funeral and no money to pay for one. We bought a plot in their small town cemetary, $600, a double headstone, $1500, and a cremation $1300.

Then a month later we had a memorial service for friends and family, only cost was for cookies and pizza at a local village hall. I discretely scattered some ashes, the rest we interred in the plot with a few family attending, later that day we had a graveside service for family.

His sisters both thanked me for not making them have to look at their dead brother.

You don’t have to use all that stuff funeral homes push on you. By law they are required to provide an itemized list of services and you can choose what you want. If you don’t have a viewing you don’t need embalming. Don’t be embarrassed to call around and check prices. Tell them what you can afford and let them figure it out.

My BIL's father paid $35000 to bury his wife then lived in his basement because he had to rent out his house to live.

No one should criticize you for any choices you make.

I am Catholic and I have no qualms about being cremated.

I respect religious beliefs but if there is no objection in whatever faith the OP’s mom’s faith is, then her daughter has to do whatever is affordable.

It’s an emotional decision to make.

You can donate her tissues for research. They will harvest whatever tissues they need. The remains are cremated and returned to you in couple of weeks. No charge. Cremations cost about $1000 and you can scatter her ashes afterwards.

If your faith requires an intact body, ask for donations from your community of faith.

Sorry for your loss. She had a pretty long run... My mother isn't far behind!

Although she may have expressed wishes to be buried, unless you can quickly find a discounted FH and buy your own casket, it isn't going to be cheap! They may offer financing, but do you really want to commit to that? If she was 100, you need to save what you have for yourself and potential care you might need! If she doesn't have a burial plot already paid for, that will be even more expense.

Cremation is likely going to be the least expensive (do shop around!) IF she does have a plot, you can still, at some point when you can afford it, have the remains buried. Sure, it isn't the same as burying a body, but it's still a burial. Otherwise, a pretty urn, on the mantel, or spread her ashes in a favorite place or two. Your memories will hold her near and dear. If there are family or friends who would like to "celebrate" her life, have a nice gathering later, when the weather is nice (may have to wait until next year to get good weather) outside to protect everyone (if virus still around.) Her body will hold no memories for you, but your heart will. Sadly, if she didn't plan ahead and have funds for this, you may not be able to grant her wish for burial (for others, if your LO goes on Medicaid, you CAN prepay for services before applying/being accepted. It is a legit spend-down.)

As with others who have posted, I personally find the "viewing" rather macabre and avoid that at all costs! I also think it is silly to spend SO much money on dealing with someone's remains (those who spent $35k! YIKES!)

I am thankful my mother did get something set up. I believe there are burial plots currently unused (her parents, maybe dad's mother?), but no idea where they are or what their status is. My dad's cremains were interred in a military cemetery (he was a Marine in WWII.) Her cremains can be buried with him.

When I took over finances, I noted she paid $2300 or so to the FH for dad (12 years ago.) I managed to get a copy of the "contract" from them last year, so it appears it was only set up just prior to his passing, hence why she had to cough up money. Meanwhile, she's still going! We get a 1099 every year with the interest from the trust fund, so it has been earning money to help defray the cost. Last year he told me she was almost paid up, except for about $450 to transport to the cemetery and perhaps a stipend for clergy. I asked this year can we just take the urn ourselves? No viewing, no nothing, just transport from MC and cremate! Not trying to save the money, esp since it is hers, it just seems incredibly stupid to do that. Everyone in her generation and some in mine are already gone. Most friends are gone or too old/disabled to attend any burial. At most, the only ones who will be there would be me, my daughter and my YB, along with anyone from the Marines. She hasn't done church in decades, so no clergy even! Surprisingly he said he would probably do it and no charge, no stipend since no clergy, and he wanted to say a few words... Sure, knock yourself out! I suspect a year or more has passed now, so perhaps she is paid up and beyond by now!

I’m sorry for your loss.

Funeral planning can be terribly stressful.

Honorably discharges military (along with their spouse) can be buried free of charge at a military cemetary. (I suppose that is not the case, but it’s worth mentioning).

Is it possible that someone in the family bought extra plots that they no longer need or want?

If not, if you go to a more rural area, you may be able to find plots that cost less and are also more peaceful.

Burying a loved one is a very expensive event! Just depends where you will bury your Mom, if you live in a small town chances are the plot won’t cost you to much. My parents both passed this year and were buried in Panguitch, Utah at a much cheaper rate than in California. Their caskets were made of Pine and were beautiful. I think they were made in Hatch, Utah. It’s all still expensive.

I will be facing that soon, I'm afraid. I think you can save quite a bit on caskets if you buy from Costco or somewhere other than funeral home. Also, look for cemeteries that are not in a city but a little ways out. I think they are a lot cheaper.

Find your Funeral Consumers Alliance in your State/city. My mother and I joined for a non-refundable $25 fee. They send you instructions and local funeral homes that can provide cremation or other. This is a non profit organization. For our cremation without all the bells and whistles we will pay approximately $550 (cremation)for all that we need. They even provide a member card with 1800 number when that day comes. Keep in mind these are the same funeral homes that provide the regular services to the general public! And as the organization mentioned, always best to pre plan NOT prepay!!! God Bless 🙏

Agree with the others: cremation is the the way to go. Cost $900 for me here in NJ and mom sits on my living room shelf in a very nice urn :) I also skipped the obit as that would have been $400+. I have a tiny family so used the old fashioned phone to let people know. My condolences to you.

Direct cremation is the cheapest way to go. Here is some info about finding a place to do it. https://www.joincake.com/blog/cremation-services-near-me/

Have you thought about donating her body to science? She can be beneficial to many others that way. However, you will get her remains returned cremated. Since your mother has passed it isn’t possible to get her response to this. But, if her estate isn’t large enough to pay for the burial and you don’t have enough then you may have no choice.

I paid $1500 for cremation for my mother -- that included 20 death certificates.

Check into what is called green burial. I do not know a lot about it other then they do not do any embalming and very natural coffin. So the most inexpensive way to bury without doing cremation.

I think this question is instructive and cautionary for everyone who has relatives who have not done any funeral planning, like my in-laws.

Getting the one who is still cognizant to plan and prepay seems like a hard conversation to have, but I think it's worthwhile.

I think I'm going to have either my wife or SIL attempt it. Hopefully the answer will be: "cremation and go ahead and find a provider for it."

Edit: I just googled on "cremation near me" and there are a lot of providers. One is called "Going Home Cremation" and they have a service for $1,295. They operate their own crematory.

Depending on your state's regulations, you can skip embalming and have no viewing (closed casket). If you skip the visitation and just have a gravesite service, that will save money. My mom didn't want cremation and I honored that wish, but we were fortunate that she had enough money to do so. I didn't choose the most expensive casket, but did go with the best vault. As much as we pared down our choices, her funeral still cost $15,000. Only you can determine if you want to go with cremation in spite of her wishes.

This is high stress. I understand. I suggest looking for caskets online. They are less expensive and ship in 24 hours. I would also check into funeral homes in nearby small towns. They are often less expensive. A private graveside service is also a wise choice. Praying for you to feel Gods wisdom and peace.

You are not required to have a casket or vault by law - only a container, from what funeral directors have told me. It could be a pine box.

The issue is that many cemeteries require a vault to provide support for the graveside. (You would need to check into this.) So, it would be hard to avoid this expense.

However, unless a person is buried within 24 hours, embalming is required in most States.

She does not need to be "laid out." You can have a closed coffin and a graveside service, which will save you money.

These folks who have all these requirements and expectations and requests for their funeral yet have not saved or planned in any way... just blows my mind.  A burial is no different than buying a house or a car or a vacation...it takes money.  If you don't have it, then you can't get it.   Please do not go into debt out of some sense of obligation.  Funerals are for the living, not the dead.  Your mom won't know if you had daisies or rare imported roses at her funeral.  Do what you can afford to do and let it be.  The memories that you have of her life will live on in you.

My father was a horrible alcoholic and we had been estranged for years when I got the call that he had a stroke and was in the hospital on a vent.  I went to the hospital, met with the neurologist and decided to take him off of everything and let him pass.  They moved him to a hospice room and I slept on the floor next to him for almost 2 weeks before he passed.  He didn't have any money or anything for that matter.  We decided to cremate him because it was the least expensive option.  Because he had been in the military, he received a grave plaque at no charge.  We had a graveside service to bury the ashes.  I hired a harpist to sit under a shade tree and play. I bought two large freestanding flower arrangements in all white flowers.  Everything total was $2200 and I charged it.  I invited everyone to my home afterwards to have a bite to eat and look at pictures and visit.  It was a nice service.  This woman (one of his enablers who did not come to the funeral) told me afterwards that he didn't want to be cremated.  I said well he should have planned something then or at the very least saved some money.  The effort and money that I gave to have a funeral for him was more than he ever did for me. I was completely at peace with the whole thing.

Good luck planning your moms funeral.  Do what you can do.

I hope there has been some resolution for you. Direct cremation is the least expensive option. You can have a celebration of her life at your home without spending a lot - or ask for pot luck.

Your mother wouldn’t want you to be saddled with debt. Perhaps she didn’t realize the cost of a burial funeral these days.

We plan on direct cremation for ourselves. It’s practical and we want to spend our money while we are living. Please don’t feel an obligation to spend money you just don’t have. I know some religions frown upon cremation, but there are no strict rules about burial. If you do choose to donate her body, some companies will cremate the body after research is complete and return the ashes to you. Best of luck to you.

Sorry for your loss, did your mother have any monies left after her passing?  if so, use that money, if not see if the funeral place will allow you to do a payment plan or if there are any relatives that could possibly help pitch in for the funeral (I have seen it done by way of the announcement in the paper that in lieu of flowers a donation to help with funeral expenses), it seems tacky but believe me there are plenty of people that struggle with this. my hubby's uncle had that put in the paper with her obit, we donated some money because we knew they didn't have a lot.  I am sure if you check with funeral director something can be worked out.  Wishing you luck and hope things go well during this time.

burials are extremely expensive and if you had no pre-planned funeral they are going to gouge you. There are many hidden costs so this advertised $7,000 will go up even more. I lost my mom a year ago and I got her cremated; it was $1,000--no services, no viewing, just cremation. They advertise it as $595, but it ended up $1,000--and that was preplanned! To save even more money, I purchased a beautiful wooden cigar box to keep her ashes. She rests in the living room in an antique cabinet. Think of it this way: Although cremation sounds gross as the body is incinerated, it is no more awful than having the blood drained out, replaced with formaldehyde, then buried in the dark cold earth sealed in a casket, then another casket. Decomposition still happens...just slower.

Requesting a burial is one thing--but if the parent did not already pay for it and has no life insurance and the survivors are left flipping the bill..I would consider that as well. Still, you do what you feel best, but remember you have to live with the bills.

To me what you do to a body is irrelevant because dead is dead. How a person is treated, cared for and loved while alive is what matters. Funerals are strictly for the living, not the dead. When a person has died, it is no more different than a slab of meat. If you want to go into heavy debt, that is entirely your decision.

I'm am sorry for your loss. I just recently buried my mother and there are several ways to get around the expensive cost of a funeral. One of the major cost is the casket. You can order the casket on line. I saved $3000 on a casket by ordering it online and having it eleivered to the funeral home. It is the same one the funeral home offers. The funeral home, by law has to except the casket. They will try to make it difficult for you though. They insisted that we were on hand to help unload and inspect it for damage. Also, the funeral home will push the " the casket is sealed", no casket seals 100%, so don't fall for that. Also, you don't have the most expensive vault. They try to offer packages. I would ask for a breakdown of the package and cross out what you really don't need. If there is not going to be a viewing you do not need to embalm. You might also go in with a price in mind about what you can afford and just tell them up front, I can't spend anymore than $XX. My husband did that for his mother and it only cost him $3500, then the casket we ordered online for $999.00

Here is something: If you are lucky to live near a place that does that, there are alternatives such as natural burial. It is also known as "green burial". No casket--just a container such as wicker that permits air to allow natural decomposition and no embalming fluid. The body is put in a shallow grave. Not only is it eco-friendly, but much cheaper and it's still a burial. Read about it here:

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/03/22/smarter-living/green-funeral-burial-environment.html

Be mindful embalming fluid is extremely toxic and eventually leaches into the drinking water supply, and is a known carcinogen. I have no idea why embalming fluid is still legal.

Green burials are generally about as expensive as cremations...just a little bit more. They average $1,000 to $4,000 (depending what you want done).
Read about it here:
https://personalfinance.costhelper.com/green-funeral.html

First, sincere sympathy for your loss. You are faced with a situation that has one answer: Do what you can afford. If you are handling the finances alone, you must look at this rationally. Cremation is simply another method to dispose of remains, nothing more. You're not being cruel or disrespectful of her memory. Select an attractive urn and display in your home, if you wish. If your father has passed and in a traditional burial site, sprinkle some ashes there (privately.) You can bury the urn but that also costs. My mother had the same demand without any financial preparation, except for plot purchased years ago. The other costs wiped out the insurance she had and I had to pay the rest without any assistance from 3 brothers, though they wanted input on selection, such as extravagant caskets that would never be seen again. The day before funeral, I was informed of a "dig" fee. No pay, no dig, period. $10,000+ later, she is no less deceased. My point, is don't get influenced into a sentimental money pit that will last years after the funeral is over and grass covers the plot. Had your mother made arrangements or had insurance, you would have more options. Decisions like this are left to the living. Do what you can, honor her memory with a nice memorial with photos (if you elect during COVID) and know that she would never want you to try and handle that kind of debt long after she's gone.

Both of my parents were cremated, placed in urns (that, I think was the most expensive part and could have been less expensive, depending on which type was chosen) and buried in the family plot. My mother had purchased the headstone when my dad died and had everything engraved except her date of death. Even that was prepaid. My mother did not want any sort of celebration of life (she never liked to be the center of attention), but she did have one for my dad at their church, where cookies, coffee, and punch were served. I wanted to have one for her (I'm an only child), but her two living brothers said "no" as did my husband.

When my grandmother died, she had saved $10,000 for her funeral (I don't know how, because she was never "rich", but she might have had a small life insurance policy and I think Social Security has some sort of death benefit????) and was very specific that no more than that was to be spent. We spent a long time choosing her casket in order to get the cost under her limit (that was the most expensive part) in order to have the casket spray and other flowers that my mom insisted on having for her (she was the only daughter of 4 children). She was buried in a family plot next to my grandfather (it was owned by my grandmother's brother)

I agree with everyone else. Do you best to honor your mom's wishes, but if that is not possible, don't go into debt so far that you will never get out of it. Explain this to the funeral director and ask what they can do to help you with the budget you have. Check with the Social Security office (I hope you have Power of Attorney and a death certificate)

Most of all, get over, with counseling if needed, any sense of guilt you might have because you can't provide what she wanted. Adults are under some sort of obligation to plan and provide for themselves, not expect their adult children to assume their debts upon their passing.

I pray that this event will not negatively color the wonderful memories you have with your mother and that you can celebrate her life as you share memories of her with others.

Amazing1 i paid $11,000 for my son in law's funeral; and he has free burial at Ft. Sam.Fortunately, he did have $10,000 life insurance. Friends have been able to arrange Catholic funerals much less expensively at about $6,000.Everything costs a lot nowadays. i prepaid my own funeral for about $5300 about 12 years ago.I hope your mother has life insuramce. God bless you.

I'm sorry I'm just now seeing this -- 4 days later. Such a shame there was no pre-planning and you got the raw end of the deal. Earlier advice about having her Cremated is right on. I don't know how religious you are, but the Bible (God's word) tells us that with God all things are possible, including putting our ashes or pieces parts back together for our eternal lives in God's spiritual world. Even if somebody dies by explosion or gets eaten by a Shark, OR IS CREMATED, it makes no difference to God. ALSO, if money is REALLY tight, consider not claiming her body! Let the County or State cremate her and bury her in a pauper's grave, which are usually quite nice in some areas of Florida. When my adult son was near death, his Doctor said I should look into making final arrangements. I spoke to a couple Funeral Homes to compare prices, but the one was nice enough to explain Florida laws regarding burials. The funeral-home counselor quoted about $9,000 to cremate, provide an Urn, getting a plot/spot to put the Urn, and other incidentals; however, she said if I did not claim the body, he would be cremated and buried in a paupers grave site by the County. She also told me that once cremated, their County allows family one last chance to claim the ashes and showed me some very nice options to in which to keep my son's ashes for only $1,000 or $1,200. I checked out the paupers-grave cemetery and the County REALLY kept it nice -- cut grass, trimmed around the markers, and even provided holders and allowed artificial flowers which added a lot of color to the cemetery. So check with your local funeral home about what happens if you don't claim your mom's body. BTW -- God worked a last minute miracle and my son recovered, shocked hospital staff and is alive today, seven years later.