Is it wrong that I want to enforce boundaries and live my life for me so I don't end up like them? They are overly obese, riddled with health problems, extremely toxic and refuse to accept responsibility. I am 46. I have time to revamp my life to not head down their path. Why do I feel I am not allowed this? My brother took off to another province and is a multimillionaire. I have a chronic pain condition and am on disability.
I guess I am seeking validation or to vent. I feel helpless and that none of my family care about the burden they are placing on me.
Possibly none of your family do care about you. Dysfunctional/toxic families are like that. It is what it is. I'm glad you have a supportive friend. Get more of those!
Build your own life largely separate from theirs. You are not obliged to care for them. If you want to help them, point them to resources or whatever you feel you can do without harming yourself.
Regarding boundaries, other people will not necessarily respect them. That's not why you set them. Boundaries are for you - to protect yourself. Sometimes other people will change their behaviour in response to boundaries, and sometimes they won't. Stick to them anyway. You can expect toxic people to continue to push your boundaries. My only solution has been to distance myself until I felt safe. That means physical distance some times, not taking phone calls, limiting visits etc. It also can mean going no contact.
Let us know how things are going. There is lots of support here. ((((((hugs))))))
You need to protect your own health, physical and mental.
Here in BC there is a program called Better at Home, it offers a variety of services to help people live as long as possible in their own home. It is very popular in rural communities where care facilities are a great distance away. Is there a similar program in your province? Income based sliding scale for the fees.
It is perfectly fair for you to tell Mum and Dad they are not moving with you and you have no intention of sharing a home with them. You can offer to find community based services for them, if they refuse to use them that is not your problem.
It sounds like your brother has his boundaries in place.
Your brother is also free to do as he wishes. Don't waste your time being upset with him not helping. So very common and he doesn't have to help if he doesn't want to. Your parents are not his responsibility. Or yours. You can help, advise, etc. as much or as little as you want to. Totally up to you.