My Mom has been in a nursing home for about 5 months with vascular dementia related issues. She has continually thought I am stealing her money and no longer wants me to be POA. She wants me off and thinks I have "stuck" her in the home. According to her - everyone says she is too healthy to be stuck in a nursing home.
She cannot remember any of the things she was doing in her apartment when she lived alone. She thinks I am making everything up so I don't have to "deal" with her.
I am contemplating having her evaluated to determine if she is incompetent. I really didn't want it to come to this.
Just needing others to reassure that I am doing the right thing!
Thanks
Julie
If she has dementia and has been diagnosed with it, then she cannot change her POA; it's a done deal. She is considered mentally incompetent to do so, therefore, you don't need her to be declared 'mentally incompetent', she already has that designation, at least as far as legal documents are concerned.
That said, your mother accusing you of 'stealing her money' goes with the territory of having dementia and should come as no shock to you. Yes, I know it's unpleasant for a mother to be saying such a thing to her daughter, but consider it's the disease talking and not HER. It's also quite common for elders with dementia to have what's known as anosognosia, which is complete denial they have anything wrong with them. Then they're accusing their children of 'sticking' them in a SNF or Memory Care ALF for 'no good reason.' Here's a link to an article on that subject from Aging Care:
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/anosognosia-dementia-patients-cant-recognize-impairment-210090.htm
Having your mom placed in a safe managed care environment is never the 'wrong' thing to do. My mother lived in a Memory Care ALF for nearly 3 years (with advanced dementia at the end, moderate to start) before she passed away in February. She too refused to accept there was anything wrong with her, and called the others' 'stupid morons' and all sorts of ugly names. Meanwhile, she was just as bad if not worse than THEY were! She was very well cared for in the ALF and the caregivers treated her like a member of their own family. I have no regrets about anything; I did right by her for her entire life.
Wishing you the best of luck.
This whole ordeal is so difficult.
Might I ask you how you, as POA, have got Mom into a facility without a diagnosis?
I think you already know that if you are acting POA for financial you must keep meticulous records on every penny into and every penny out of Mom's monthly finances. So you have that, and your Mom if at all with it should have a copy of this monthly to stick in her record book.
As far as diagnosis, if there isn't one (?), yes, that is something you definitely need, Julie. As POA you can get that done. But again, the cart seems here so far ahead of the horse I can't imagine how you got to step "C" without passing "A" and "B".
If no one is her PoA and then she gets a diagnosis of incapacity...then no one has the power to legally manage her affairs or advocate for her, but at least the facility will know that the county should then step in and pursue guardianship.
i think OP wants to try to prevent her mother from revoking the POA (and for example choosing another POA).
if she’s declared incompetent, then she can’t revoke the POA, etc. — and she can’t leave NH.
we had a very similar post recently (maybe the same OP).