OMG. My mother's gossip about ME! Has anyone else been through this?

Scout Ive read your three posts and am quoting one of your sentences here : "She's critical, jealous, spiteful, judgemental, and a bottomless pit of need to be loved & adored". It made me wonder why on God's green earth you thought it was a good idea to move her in with you. Surely you didn’t think she was going to be better? I also noticed it seems you and your family have a lot of drama going on. I would examine your motives and intentions for having moved her to your house. I don’t mean this in a mean way at all but often we do things for reasons we aren’t aware of. Perhaps you too are a bit of an enabler?
Having her there will continue the drama and stress and will be damaging to you,  your marriage and child. You need to rethink this and get her moved out, wherever is best suited for her. Spend your energies on that. As the months and years go on, things are not going to ever get better...they get worse. This is not a healthy situation.
Get her diagnosed, get her moved and learn to set boundaries that are healthy. Best to you. It’s tough but doable and necessary.
PS...you do not have to explain yourself to other family members and create more drama and antagonism. It’s not healthy.

Love your yesterday's post, Scout. Beaming all over my little face, here.

Me too!

So am I. Made my week.

Based on your history with your mother, why did you want her to live with you? Did you honestly think she would be a gracious house guest? Things won’t get better, they’ll only get worse as time goes on. It will be difficult at this point to come up with a reason for moving her into a suitable facility, but for your own sanity you have no choice.

has she ever shown signs of narcissistic or bordeline personality disorder? sounds a lot like my mum and i had legal probs based on her lies. get her out of your house

Susanesmith I don't think it's about enabling at least not in my own situation. Until I was way to old for birthday wishes, my wish on blowing out the candles was always "Please I want Mummy and Daddy to be proud of me." They never were of course. I made stupid life-decisions (my career, my first husband, ) based on trying to be what they wanted. Scout, you need to disentangle yourself from her.

Susan; I agree. I think Scout was trying to "do the right thing". I find that so many posters here think that moving their parent in with them is the "expected" thing to do without investigating other alternatives or even thinking much about whether one could reasonable expect things to go well.

Scout, hope you'll come back and tell us what progress you're making!

I often ask God..or tell Him..LOL....surely you don't want me to be the one who has to be the go to person for this narsisstic ..mentally abusive ..mentally ill...mom.....but I mentally see Him patiently nod His head. So I take her to dr apts..and am there for emergencies ..and holidays...everything else..I have her in a senior apt..and have things in place...like free grocery delivery....likewise with pharmacy..and transit for hair apts...someone to clean her apt. She lies like a rug and gossips about everyone ...me included I'm sure..,big hugs to you...but....Get Her Out Of Your House!! Quickly!!

I can only imagine how hard this is , let me tell you this is normal I just got off the phone with my mom for the fifth time because she is telling me that a friend who she always loved is flying from Europe to see her and she keeps telling me that she is a bloodsucker who only wants her money on and on and on and tell her I’m not paying for her dinners and her husband who I hate better not be coming ( she loved her husband) , our mother’s are nuts , keep reminding yourself they are sick , go take her to a neurologist As soon as possible just for your sake so you can understand what’s going on . I’m sorry but this is normal for some people when their brain stars to go to act like this , all the easier to find a place and move her out, believe me years before my mom was diagnosed She started acting strange accusing my husband of being mean and saying things to her when she walked by him , just crazy stuff what I’m trying to say I didn’t even need a diagnose to realize my mom was seriously off and you don’t either , so try try try to reminder this is an old paranoid woman

I agree with you Blannie!!

That is frustrating and I would be furious. I had to move my mom back in with me. I do everything that is humanly possible for her. Take off from work and take her to her appointments - even one doctor that is an hour's drive away because she doesn't want to change doctors. Hair appointment, shopping, lunch - just to get her out of the house. What does she do to me? On Christmas Eve she walked into my kitchen and literally starts verbally attacking me - and it wasn't the first time. I've been accused of barking at her, telling her what to do and YES even ELDER ABUSE! It has put a huge strain on our relationship and frankly all I want is for her to be out of my house. She has completely ruined my happy home and I feel differently towards her also. I do not think has dementia. Her memory is good and I guess it just boils down to her just being plain ungrateful and MEAN! I've given up privacy, time to myself, my house staying as clean as it would if she wasn't there, having friends over, and FORGET about dating. If anyone tries to tell someone what to do it's her trying to control me - and always has. I'm 58 years old and I'm so very tired of this situation. She also takes over my home, i.e. t.v., kitchen, etc. I honestly don't know who she thinks she is to come into my home and treat me with so little respect and I told her as much. And I also told her if I'm such a horrible person and daughter - why does she keep clinging onto me and try to keep coming back to live with me? I'm past burned out - and notice I'm suffering physical ailments I never had before. So I plan to talk to my 2 brothers and within a year - even if I have to sell my house and move - I plan to make a change. This is no life! Hang in there - remember to take care of yourself - and let others know you are aware of the lies she is trying to spread about you and your family! And yes - acquiring an attorney might be wise.

I too have my mom says things about me and my sister. It is very sad. Everything you stated about having an afffair to stealing her money. Get her diagnosed ASAP. And try to get medical power of attorney so that you can make decisions concerning her health. It is difficult and up to recently I thought she could live with me and my family but that proved to be not a good idea. She has care at her house and I know eventually she will not be there long. I have been advised about that.

Yes I went through this with my late husband. Medication will help. Professionals will understand what your going through. Other behaviours will replace this phase . It got worse for me and had him hospitized. I know it's aweful! Hang in there and take care of yourself.

get all legal stuff done 1st then take her to a psychiatrist ..if she needs to calm down or sleep then go to walmar & get melatonin 5 mgs my mom would sleep after taking it ..so also get life insurance if you do not have it but do not put her in nursing home or lose that i think they can work that out but asked cause the nursing home will get that money .. also try to get her on medicaid but she cannot have over 1 or 2 thousand $$ worth of anything ..so check that out ..my mom had to go in rehab 2 times in a n/h ..so get use to it ..my mom did the same thing to but not much /. the most recent one was a year ago she was going to hit me in the head with a crystal figuring but she didnt & lucky i ran out of checks .& so i had to go back home to get my check book & was able to prove to her i did pay for it .. well my mom is gone..they are right being diagnosed it
she will live around 7 years ..that is what happen to mine she was told on may ??? 2011 that she had it so make sure credit card is paid up to discover is trying to hassle me that she owes i think 2,990.00 on her account well the only thing she has that is in her name is her car ..the only thing that is good on that is it does not have 29 thous yet just 28 ..but rats got into it & messed it up & it is not worth it if i get it then i can clean it up by the time they get it .it will have no air in a tire ..the house is in my name not hers & i got money from her life insurance so screw them

What's your address? I'm shipping my Mom to your house...you're terrific!

I have been through the gossip Train (I call it that because she calls several people and tells them the same story) with my MIL. I get all her bills in order and tell my husband what needs to be paid and he pays them. He is on her accounts. He is an only child so she calls her friends and tells them how bad of a person I am to her. Did I mention that I am home taking care of her every day. If my husband does or doesn't do something she doesn't like, she blames me! She then will call all her friends and tell them that I am being mean or that I am stealing from her. If I leave the room to make personal calls, (she doesn't think me and my husband should have any conversations unless they include her) she tells my husband that I must have a boyfriend because I leave the room to talk on the phone. He knows better and just laughs it off. Most calls are to her doctors or the specialist. She does have dementia. I have been going through this since October of last year when she moved in with us. Iv'e mention this before, she has never liked me and just started talking to us (her son) three years ago after going 5 yrs without speaking to him. I wish you luck. I cant't imagine what I would do if it was my own mother talking about me. I don't think I will ever get use to this. Texasgal..... I feel your pain!! We are young to (not even 50 yet and have given up all the same things, our children dont come visit very often ...We have 7 together. because  MIL gets  nervous because she either does't remember them or they bring their children (we have 8 grandkids) and they make her nervous. My youngest daughter still lives at home and has lots of friends but can't have them over. My husband and I haven't been out of the house alone together in a few months and that was only because MIL was staying overnight in the hospital. She can't be left alone. I want my life back!!!

Yes. Speak with these people and ask them if they notice any odd behavior on her part. Then tell them what happened

My narcissist father did similar things with me.  His lies and "gossip" about me and portrayal of me as a bad person led to bad results in Tucson, AZ, not only with his so-called friends whom he had led to believe that I was evil and stupid, allowing them to cover up their exploitation of him into my parents' trust, but also with the Tucson legal system (Police and an assistant AZ attorney general) who fell for his lies about me and his portrayal of me as an elder abuser and a meddler into his personal affairs, with the result of an elder abuse detective in the Tucson Police Dept being extremely rude to me and an assistant Atty General in the Tucson division of the AZ Atty General's office threatening me with criminal prosecution on false premises and on the basis of my father's lies and portrayal of me as an evil person. I had to retain an attorney to protect me, and I also severed my relationship with my father as a result. I live 1500 miles away from where my parents lived (both are now deceased), so there was no way my father's lies had any basis of truth. But, the Tucson legal authorities, being corrupt and profoundly ignorant, fell for this and I became both theirs and my father's victim. Prior to this, my father had been accusing me of seemingly innocuous things (for ex, you took this item from me, you directed someone to put this item in my storage unit, you directed this person to do this or that). I would remind my father that it was he, not me, who had moved the item or directed people to do those things and, unfortunately, blew this off. But, I shouldn't have blown this stuff off and, from 1500 miles away, should have assumed that he was lying about me and portraying me in a bad light among his associates and others in Tucson, because this was his usual MO with many people for many years even before he and my mom retired to Tucson. I stupidly thought that he wouldn't do this stuff to his own flesh and blood. How wrong and stupid I was to think this! But, as his long-standing mental illness (extreme narcissism) worsened with age (and probably there was an element of dementia which he successfully covered over with his idiot associates and the profoundly ignorant Tucson legal system), his lies worsened. So, my strong advice to you is to remove your mother from your home and put her in a facility if you can, retain an attorney to protect yourself from your mother, and then run, DON'T walk, to the nearest exit, and totally sever your relationship with her immediately. If you are her power of attorney, go to her estate atty and take yourself off of all documents. Even though your mother's lies are shocking and upsetting to you and are, for the time being, limited to relatives and friends, they will certainly expand to her saying these things to strangers and possibly contacting legal authorities who are basically stupid idiots with no critical thinking skills and who are on a power trip and who will make your life miserable and make threats against you (and bully you) on the basis of your mother's lies. There have been a number of people in various threads at this site (look for threads on dealing with narcissistic elderly parents/relatives) who have had legal problems because of their parents lies about them. And, here's another example of what can happen with a demented person lying to strangers: One of my managers has a mother who has dementia. One day, after an appointment with her memory dr, he took his mother to lunch. She told my manager that she had to use the bathroom. But instead, she went up to the cashier at the restaurant and told her that the man she was with had kidnapped her.  The cashier didn't bother to talk with her boss or to talk with my manager to find out what was going on, she simply called the police. Next thing my manager knows, he's surrounded by police with drawn guns in the restaurant, having no idea what the heck was going on. Fortunately, he had brought in his mother's memory dr's report with him and had his driver's license on him. Once the cops realized that dementia was involved, they backed off. But, my manager was mortified and angry. This type of thing isn't an uncommon occurrence. And, it's unfortunate that people shoot first then ask questions.  So,  don't allow yourself to get into this trap. Walk away now while you're safe. Don't worry about your mom-- she'll find other suckers to care for her and do her bidding, and she'll lie about them, too.   You've been kind enough to give her a home, food, care, love, etc. But by lying about you, even if it was to relatives, she has spurned and betrayed you. That is a huge red flag that you cannot and should not ignore. You need to take steps NOW to protect yourself from your mother because things are only going to get worse as she ages and/or her dementia progresses.  And as my attorney told me, no good deed goes unpunished. So, it's time to break it off with your mother because she will continue to do this. Don't feel guilty about severing the relationship with her and removing her from your home and placing her in a facility-- your safety and long-term mental wellness are very much at stake here. And even if or though she's diagnosed with dementia, that won't stop her from telling lies about you or contacting the authorities to report you. And, legal authorities will neither listen to your side of the story nor  believe you-- they will always believe the elderly person first before they believe you and won't ask any questions-- lots of ignorance on their parts. As I mentioned earlier in this response, there are a number of people who have posted in various threads at this website who, even when there was a documented diagnosis of dementia, the authorities still fell for the demented person's story hook, line, and sinker with the result of bad outcomes for their adult children. What I've also learned from these posts and my own experience is that the concept of a nice little old lady or nice little old man is an urban myth. There is no such thing as a nice little old lady or a nice little old man, especially when dementia is involved. As a person ages and/or when dementia sets in, the person's true nature that they've had the filters to hide before dementia occurred, comes out in spades-- and often that true nature isn't very good.  So, I've learned that it's best to avoid old people like the plague and not get involved in helping them in any way. And yeah, one day I'm going to be old and would want people to help me if it was needed. But, I totally understand if people don't want to help me because of the risk factors when dementia and/or old age are involved. In fact, I've already told my adult children that as soon as I accuse them of even the most innocuous things (whether directly to them or to others), they are to run to the nearest exit and sever ties with me, and also make sure they document everything, get an attorney to protect themselves from me, and let my dr know of my behaviors so that's documented on my medical records. The unfortunate thing is that even when these things are documented, the arrogance and bullying nature of those in legal systems (ie, police, atty generals' offices, etc) means that they don't bother to investigate more closely or ask questions-- they simply accuse and make threats.  As a result, it's their adult children who get screwed. My experience and that of those either reporting, both at this and other websites or through direct conversations with people  know who have had to deal with the elderly and have had similar experiences to yours, mine, and others at this website, has also taught me that the authorities tasked with protecting the elderly are usually more interested in promoting their own careers and moving up the ladder than they are in doing their jobs, with the result of doing more harm than good.  So, while you can alert your relatives and neighbors and your mother's drs about her behavior, it won't make a bit of difference when she reports you to the police and they believe her over you and do a very inadequate verification of her statements. It's a lot easier to let her go now, put her in a facility, and sever the relationship with her while you're legally safe and your mental wellness is intact, than it is  for you to incur huge legal costs defending yourself against her lies and the mental toll it will take on you.    

Scout,

Not to make you more upset, but have you realized that you only know about what she says/thinks now because she’s right there in your house, but she was probably talking about you...and about all those cousins, aunts, etc., before? (Which I actually find funny, the “defenders” were probably being talked about too!)

It’s all coming from an ill mind. I don’t know, nor care, if it’s dementia or any of the many other suitable mental illnesses. The only relevance of a dementia diagnosis is the memory care facility. So you only need the diagnosis for that, but aside from that practical reason, please realize your mom has always been ill (based on your description), and she CANNOT change, only maybe improve some with medication, but seems to me that she is the way she is, period.

I think you need to mentally and emotionally accept this, and once accepted, design a way to care for her, as your mom, that is manageable for you.

While you wait, could you consider renting an small very affordable apartment nearby for her and have help come to assist her, using her funds.. I’d even use mine if it was for peace of mind!
Or do you have siblings that could help?
OR! Call that cousin and tell her that your mom really would like to move in with her, and she can also be the POA! Not the assistant POA! Give her a promotion!!

See, what hasn’t been considered here is that it is very unfortunate and sad that you’re not being able to help your mom with love and care anymore, which was your purpose, I’m assuming, moving her with you. And please don’t think I don’t FULLY understand how you feel Scout.

You are hurt, upset and would prefer not to have to even see her..let alone bathe her, or dress her or feed her, right? I understand your reasons completely, but I can also see how what you intended and the reason why you made all this sacrifice to move her with you is simply NOT happening.

That is the bottom line, no matter why. So, I would change ASAP a situation that is making you resent your mom and taking you away from the role of the daughter you wanted to be for her. Does that make sense? I’m not ignoring how horrible it feels that your mom talks like that about you, but, honestly Scout it almost loses importance in the big picture. The big picture is what you wanted for her, out of your love for your mom, and what you need for your family.

About the relatives, every family is different and has unique dynamics, but if I were you, I would NOT bother at all and whatsoever explaining myself to them or correcting what your mom is saying, unless they brought it up.

Seriously, who cares? All you do by allowing them to “judge” your mom’s and your situation is to create unnecessary more drama! What that can turn into is: your mom calls them, then you call them to correct, THEN they call your mom and tell her what you said, then your mom tells them some more made up stuff about you and starts really resenting you...(phew! Got tired even imagining this!)..until finally you will have it and have a huge argument with your mom that will hurt both of your feelings...unnecessarily!

Your energy I think should be spent on what is worth it, and all that craziness with your relatives is absolutely not worth it. But, your mom, her relationship with you, your peace of mind, your daughter and your husband ARE.

And this is not meant to antagonize you at all, but I’m sure you have no problem balancing your mom’s checkbook and handling her credit cards, but make sure you’re also up for the task of managing a person that is emotionally and mentally not well, YET who you love and for whom you want the best! 💜

Wish you wisdom, patience and luck!!

First off, Ive been the target of those calls....next time, interupt that fast and loud enough for the other person to hear you, MOM why are you lying! Please stop that, you know that is not true. Bust her on it fast. If not, that will be the topic of every dam call she makes! AND you know as well as I do, who ever is on the other end hearing that, that will spread like wildfire!
Get a place for her, NOT IN YOUR HOME. Your "Home" is your marriage, your family and your some time work place, your safe place. You keep her there, all that is gone. TRUST ME! My mother is like putting your hand in a garbage disposal, High speed pain and will cut you quick to the bone. Have her initial every check you write in her behalf. Therefore she saw it and approved it.
This is her, its not you. Take advice from another liar, thief, 2 faced, mentally ill, "only child for a reason" daughter. Her hobby is to ruin you, her happiness is ruining your name. Get that space between you, It wont stop her from doing it, it will stop you from feeding into it and becoming it. My mom was bitter since I can remember, and she has had decades of practice. You know all this inside, go with your gut.

Scout, we have the same mother! From childhood, I'm adopted, my mother has been jealous of me. It started when I was a toddler and I pushed away from her to go to my dad and never stopped. Since 2000, when she started hoarding, up until 2013, she got progressively worse with her inappropriate comments to me and with what we thought was dementia but then I found xanax and ambien or halcion in her bra while getting her to my home from rehab after knee replacement and attributed it all to that. Got her cleaned up through out patient counseling only to have her tested for sleep apnea and found 2 types requiring a bi-pap machine. She went back home after living with us almost a year went back to her pills and proceeded to spiral. We moved her in, then built a house with her and when the continued accusations & paranoia, now with hallucinations, amped up. She was diagnosed with dementia and started on all kinds of meds for OCD, anxiety, depression and dementia which helped but then the stealing my jewelry and hubby's gout meds (while accusing us of taking her money just to build our house), gossiping to her friends and threatening my life reached a point where her doc, our friend suggested she move to a facility. I only wanted to prove I could be a good daughter whom she could be proud of and also to work on our relationship. Did.not.happen. She asked to move out and thought she could move back 3 hours away to her home that was now emptied of most furniture. Her doctors would never have approved it anyway so I took her to an AL with Memory unit and surprisingly she liked the idea. Moved her in a year ago March and it was the best decision she ever made. 4 years we tried to create an environment for her to feel secure and loved but she, a most likely narcissist, could and would never be happy but has been a great pretender, is now in a facility of her own doing. Has told the staff that she doesn't have children and I am not her child and other lies about me and my family. The staff know the truth and ignore her delusions.

Please quickly get her out of your home. She will pit you against your husband and get others to believe her lies. Even with a broken brain, they can only become a worse version of their original selves, selfish, demanding and mean. I hope her diagnosis and legal stuff is resolved in a short matter of time and you can get her somewhere safe but away from you! I would remove your house landline phone (to save money ; ) ) and get a mobile phone with your home number to intercept all her calls and then you can monitor who she calls to protect yourself. Blessings and hugs!

Yes, and it hurts so bad to go through it. My mother constantly accused me. I had to get my sister, who had witnessed what was happening, to go with me to the doctor treating Mom. She confirmed to him what I was going through. Hevdid a so called "test" of making Mom count backwards from ten. Since she only messed up once, he said she was okay. We begged him to ser the truth. Finally after three such visits, he signed the documents.
Shecwould call all our relatives and tell them how awful I was. They would write letters and, because Mom could no longer read, I would have to read the letter to her. It would talk about how it was do sad that I had turned out so badly and steal everything from her. It broke my heart tobknow my relatives thouht that of me.
It would be good to somehow document what she is doing and find an advocate to help you get that documentation, especially if you have any sibling who might cause you trouble in future. Also, if you haven't already done so, now is the time to get medical directives, such as dnr and medical poa, and find out about whether she has a pre-plan arrangement or adequate life insurance. Later can be too late sometimes.

I guess I am different been caring for mom over 5 years now and I treasure every moment I get. Yes sometimes it’s a struggle, I get frustrated, overwhelmed at times. She likes to remind me that I live in her house. I guess I am lucky I have a strong positive support group I attend regularly and they teach and remind me to let go of things I can’t change and to change the things I can mostly my attitude. Have you involved mom in this whole process or are you just making the decisions and taking the action. I learned a long time ago it’s the illusion of control especially with The elderly they lose so much control over their lives and they try to hold on to whatever control they have left. I also had to learn that even though I have power of attorney she still has the right to have input into what goes on. I learned if I communicate with her and discuss these things with her that it’s usually a lot easier to get her to go along with decisions. Have you thought about sitting down and discussing with her the changes and now the money is Being spent and even having her sign a piece of paper the documents all that that at least might help you if ever there is a problem. Wish you the best of luck remember take it one day at a time and remember what a blessing it is that you’re giving even if mom can’t see it.

In my world, I call this "mom working the phone". Before I finally realized what was going on, I was so hurt and so depressed, and so concerned with what my family and community thought, that I would try doubly hard, never say no, and in essence become arms and legs to do work for her, without being a person. It allowed her to control my every move. I became totally isolated. This allowed her to maintain her image in the community, which is far more important to her than my feelings or health.

Yes, yes and yes so much so that I was suspected of elder abuse and interviewed by Adult Protective Services. This during a time my job required me to work with elderly clients and children. It has gotten better over time, fewer people talk to her and most have learned her accusations are far to outlandish to be true. I have a few times calmly interrupted her conversations and said something like "remember x,y,z I'm not sure that is exactly how that situation unfolded....". If nothing else, she is at least aware I am there and usually cuts the conversation short. The other thing I've done is ask family and friends that know me well enough to understand how much I love my mom to not feed into/validate these delusional conversations. This has also helped. Take time for you, talk to people who understand and support you. Keep in mind also, some/most of this is the disease process. Not all of this, is who she is. As difficult as it may be, learn not to take it personally. Your mission is not easy but is commendable, you know how much you love your mom even though she may be unable to fully acknowledge and appreciate it at this time. Prayers 😊

Admitting here that I haven't read this entire thread. Just offering our experience. My Mother, father, and grandmother (mom's mom) have all had dementis. All are passed not. My grandmother was the one that was like your mother. She, never actually had the diagnosis, but that was decades ago, and It was a different world. Anyway, as she need more and more help, my mother and her three sisters. all helped, (But as usual,most of the burden landed on one. That one was my aunt Pauline. And eventually Aunt Pauline took her to live with her. Throughout all this time, Grandma would at times, (then more and more frequently) tell lies about each of the sisters, to the others. Her false complaints and accusations eventually ruined the relationship between all the the sisters. They had been the closest family you'd ever seen prior to this. Throughout my child hood we all together visited at Grandma's and at all the cousins houses, minimally 2 or 3 times a week. My cousins were like sisters and brothers instead of cousins. But then Grandma's dementia entered the picture. Her needs, demands, and issues were difficult enough, with the inherent resentments on the part of each aunt thinking they were the ONE getting dumped on.
Fueled in part by Grandma's lies, about the others. Claiming, this one took her stuff, that one took her money, or the other one yelled at her, or claiming one or the other trash talking the otheres.
You can imagine the terribly bad feelings this all produced. And in those days, there was no one to tell them to beware of this kind of dementia behaviors. As a result , my mother and my beloved aunts were so angry at each other, that they barely spoke at grandma's funeral, and never spoke to each other for the next ten years. It was an extremely sad time. How we all came out of that is an even longer story, but had a happy ending. As much as possible, considering three of the aunts followed in their mother's Alzheimer's footsteps. (And the fourth died early of cigarette related diseases.) All that is stated to say this: Do not underestimate the damage this kind of thing can do to your lives. And clearly not just as it related to legal matters. Definitely talk to the lawyer now. But definitly talk to your family. The more open you all can be with each other. the better off you'll be.

Please excuse all the typos in that . Dementia, not dementis. "now" not "not". Etc. etc. Fat fingers, tiny keys, and poor vison add up to a bad combinations. :)

I wish I had words of comfort. I, too, am experiencing a similar situation. I'm too hurt to go into details. Your mother is suppose to protect you, not harm you. I can't imagine putting my own daughters through this hurt. To know it is dementia would help in understanding and feeling less betrayed. However, in my case, I'm not sure we can blame dementia. Prayers for both of us.

You need to take her to a neurologist for testing. Her accusations and paranoia are signs she has dementia. Good luck and remember to breathe. She has a disease. I'm going through similar things with my mom. God Bless you both.