Tomorrow will be one month since my mom passed, it still does not seem real. I know I am grieving and my mind is telling me it will take time. I am really struggling with making decision as to what to do now. For the last few years all I did was take care of mom and now I don't know how to take care of myself and my own life. Is this normal?
So is there a grief/bereavement group near you? Often churches/synagogues offer them, as does United Way or visiting nurses or hospitals. Seeing how others have handled situations can get you moving in a direction that works for you.
Get a notebook and start a page for things to do this week or this month. That's easier than what to do with your life! You will see that there are a world of opportunities for you to grasp --- and frankly you aren't limited to just one! Try baby steps rather than your whole life --- it will evolve.
Sorry about your Mom -- you helped her through this time, you did your best. Feel good about that and try to do something for you each day.
There does come a point after which grief can become complicated. If in six months or so you feel even worse than you do now, seek support. Talk to someone about your feelings. Even now, talking to someone about your mom in order to remember the good times will help you accept what has happened.
Find some new things to do. At first, you may not want to but your mother would want you to live life. Losing one's mother is never easy. May your mother's memory be a blessing to you.
The morning after our kids and I looked upon her lifeless body, I awoke on top of the world. She was FREE forever from her sustained suffering...
I do sense the big change in my routine throughout the day.
There is no way I could be sad after her long, long ordeal of 12 years....I do plan to
attend grief counseling starting today....However, she and I, in a sense, grieved at her bedside for 12 years.
Grace + Peace,
Bob
Consider this a time to reflect and consider redirection, if you want it, but also to decide how to spend the rest of your life. What were your goals and life situation before you became a caregiver? Have they changed? Just think about that, but don't act on it until you're sure.
What relaxes you? Try to focus on those kinds of activities, but also give yourself plenty of down time just to acclimate before you feel it necessary to move on.
My deepest condolences and sympathies. I'm very sorry for your loss. Please know that everything you are feeling is normal and natural. You gave your all to your mom. Every day you were thinking of your mom and her care. It is so soon and only normal to think what am I going to do?
To be honest, its been 9 months since my father passed away and I am still struggling with these questions. I try to put one foot in front of the other. Like geewiz said its all baby steps for now. My sister insisted I focus on self care and I had no idea where to begin. I kept going to work. I would try cooking classes, painting classes, grief counselling, but every time I returned home, I would cry. Because it was so different then what I was use to. I keep hoping that the more I keep moving forward the more I will be able to come to terms with my new reality.
What helped: A little Xanax for the anxiety - only took a half when needed. Some counseling. Saw a very good hospice counselor off and on for a while. Lots of talking to people I trusted. (Too much self talk sometimes!) Finally made decision to have an auction and sell the house. Very difficult. Luckily had support of most siblings, friends and good estate lawyer. Moved out of the house and back to a sunny state. Started taking "Emergen- C", calcium and vitamin D- my Dr recommended vitamin D and I think it helped. Wasn't taking anything before, not even vitamins. Wrote a long goodbye letter to the house and a shorter one to Dad. Cleaned out closets and stuff in my own place - kind of as if I might go and didn't want people to have to deal with it. Also just to feel more in control and organized. Started walking, less or no alchohol and better diet. But it took time! A year and a half now but things are looking up gradually. Keep on!! Our grief is our own and everybody is different. It Is normal.
Grace + peace,
Bob
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