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I am caring for my aunt who had 2 strokes and recently, a broken hip. (I am a regular poster, so I won't go through the whole story). Lately, I have been waking up in the middle of the night and unable to return to sleep. I try to get to bed between 10 and 11:30, but now I wake up like at 2 or 3 a.m. and can't sleep. Aunty is still in rehab until this Saturday. In the past, she would call me out of bed in the middle of the night to either turn the heat on or off if she was too cool or too warm. Then after I took care of her, I couldn't get back to sleep. Do you think that this problem is stress-related? I sometimes take Tylenol PM pills for sleep, but I don't like depending on pills since I already take other meds.Any advice?

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While caring for my terminally ill partner, i was up all night he was terrified of veing alone, terrified of going to sleep, and so i was a virtual prisoner in my own home, hed finally drift off around 4:30am, so for years after he passed away, i could not sleep til 4:30am. I am now in a proper sleeping pattern, 9pm til 5am. Occasionally waking up for the loo. But it took years to get back into a more natural routine. Yes caring for someone can cause insomnia, their worries are yours, plus you have your own worries. caring for someone is a difficult job, family or not.
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Dumb me. That is what lack of sleep gets me. I finally see where the unsubscribe link is. Sometimes it seems I will never get enough sleep to stop being airheaded at times....Something none of us need when we have so much responsibility.
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Combine the caregiver situation with chronic unemployment for extreme stress-related problems; then it is time for your doctor and perhaps some counseling.
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I fall asleep on the couch or my eyes start closing while sitting at the computer, but I resist going to bed like the dickens. Sometimes it's because I like the quiet of the night (unless it's a weekend, during which time I'm anticipating (negatively) loud music and rucus partying that will keep me awake, so I can never really relax and go to sleep. Sometimes I'm trying to catch up on self employment work and am stressed out by deadlines or needing to market my business orfollow up on leads. Other times I crash but am awakened by mom in the middle of the night. Occasionally I will force myself to go to bed at a decent hour and it does make a difference to my ability to function the next day, although I always feel a certain level of fatigue. Strangely enough, smells keep me awake at night - second hand smoke, mould, cooking odours, incense, plastic/gasoline or other chemical smells. I feel more physically uncomfortable in bed; I wish I had one of those beds where I can elevate my head and thoracic region of my back. Of course, post menopause doesn't help - I can feel hot internally while skin on my arms can feel cold at the same time. Getting back to the second part of the question - i.e. while caregiving - certainly listening for cues of distress from my mother - talking or crying in her sleep, getting up and rummaging through papers, going to the washroom, taking out meet from the freezer to thaw out - make it difficult for me to let go. Yet sometimes I am so tired/sleepy I just can't get up, so I'm half awake and half asleep worrying and feeling guilty at the same time.
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I just read that somewhere else recently - I wonder what time they woke up the 2nd time, though
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Also it may be helpful to you to know that historically, humans as a matter of course woke up during that 2-3 am time and stayed awake for an hour or two, before going back under for the "second sleep." Apparently it was often a time of great creativity, where people wrote, read, had a snack, played a musical instrument, or even visited with neighbors. Here are a couple of helpful articles bbc/news/magazine-16964783 and aeon/magazine/psychology/why-broken-sleep-is-a-golden-time-for-creativity/
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What's sleep?
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dad's grandson went through that; sueber48, glad your doc was willing to give you Xanax; what he took as well
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For some reason I cannot unsubscribe from this question after adding my comment.....
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Oh sleep! What is THAT? My mother is getting worse dementia-wise, markedly so. She lives in an AL and I've been her "person" for four and a half years now. No sib help and she's a narcissist.

That's enough for one person but I have other stuff. My son is graduating from high school in 10 days and I have a big party to plan in June, plus tons of college stuff, financial, paperwork, visits, obligations, etc. - and she just doesn't understand, or care, about that stuff at all. Just be sure you're here every other day to bring me my meals, clean my toilet, etc. All the stuff she doesn't 'trust' the AL staff to get done correctly. Ahem...

When I told her that I need a job to help my son with college, she shut down and quit talking to me. That hurts so bad. Yet she still expects me to do my duty when she has a dining room and staff on hand.

I don't sleep well either. Yuck!
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Jody's recommendation about listening to sounds is good too. I have a small gadget that has several sounds to choose from (ie) ocean waves, thunderstorm, gentle rain, with an automatic timer that shuts off after 30 minutes. It's very calming.
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You may find it good to drink warm milk before bed time read a book and mellow your self out lay down close your eyes slowly relax your body first your feet up to your knees then little by little till your at your head see your self on a beach and try and hear the waves hit the shore relax soon you will sleep soundly you are the only one who can destress your self if possible stay away from anything but natural ways to do this yes we all have keyed up times but we can master them in time
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I'm so upset by this question I have to exit. I'll recover my brains if anyone wants to connect later.
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YES it's VERY COMMON to experience insomnia in your situation. (I've been a counselor for many years, taught lots of seminars on Stress Mangement & can confirm that any high-demand situation and any significant change, positive or negative increases streets levels and can really disrupt sleep). The 2:00-3:00 a.m. time frame is very common as well. My husband struggles to return to sleep when he wakes with "busy brain" at that time of night. All the above responses are good ones & I've found the cereal with milk to be very helpful as well. 3 additional suggestions I would offer are 1) If you have a cell phone, keep it on the nightstand with the volume very low or off. Then if/when you wake up you can check to see if you've had a call but won't be disturbed while you are sleeping. 2) because I share a bed with a very light sleeper, I use headphones connected to my smartphone, iPod or iPad & listen to something designed to help me fall asleep. I like the sound of a thunderstorm & use "Amazing Midnight Thunderstorm" (downloaded from iTunes) or 1 of several other albums they have available. (You can listen to samples at no charge to find something soothing for you). A CD or cassette would work just as well & if it's just you, the headphones wouldn't be necessary. 3) the medications suggested above are good ones but I've found that Xanax has a "bounce back" effect when it wears off for some people. My sleep medications are prescribed by a psychiatrist and Valium or Librium (a small dose as suggested above) tends to last a couple of hours longer & wears off more gently.
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For heaven's sake, look at the pressure you are under. If you were sleeping easily you'd probably be out of your mind.
Caregiving is hard. We worry all the time: Did you take your pills? What is your glucose? Are you wearing a Depends? Have you walked today? Would you like to go for a ride? Did you have lunch?
I'm a full-time caregiver for my husband and chipping in with cousins to care for my aunt.
Had lunch yesterday with my SIL visiting from No Cal. She said to hubby and me, 'What do you do for fun?" Peculiar silence from our side of the table.
Get medical help. Better living through chemistry. Good luck
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I have had insomnia since I took care of my Dad 24/7 the month before he died. That was holding him most of the night and day.That was 3 years ago. My name says Charles. That was my Dad's name. I am his daughter.
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Hi Gospelgirl - Yes, I read your previous post. I gather you decided to care for Aunty after all and are stressing out about her coming home. And Yes - disrupted sleep patterns are very normal under these challenging (care giving) times; especially when you are trying to establish a new routine and get organized. I once woke up with a full-blown panic attack. I hope it doesn't happen to you, but if it does, don't be too surprised. Never had one before in my life. Scared the heck out of me. Thought I was having a heart attack at first. Couldn't breathe - disoriented. I paced around and told myself it was OK, it would pass. I don't think "Kathyt1' knows about your disabilities; so walking 3miles/daily won't work for you. And with all the meds you are currently on - I'd try to stick with the milk suggestion from Pam (I do that too) and some deep breathing. Oh - and if Aunty is waking you up in the middle of the night to adjust the room temperature, it sounds like SHE needs a sleeping pill. :)
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I think we get so used to being on call 24/7 that we have trouble letting our guard down. I take half an OTC sleeping pill (diphenhydramine 25mg) and it usually does the job. Occasionally I need to take a whole one. My doc is okay with me taking this regularly. Any light except red can rouse you, too, so I use a sleep mask to keep me in the dark. And I set an alarm just to keep from waking up to check the time.
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Yes, caregiving (especially like I had to do out of state and for an extended period) is VERY stressful. So you will have periods of Sleeplessness.
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I developed a pattern of very light sleeping when my dog had a neurological problem that caused problems if I didn't get him outside quickly. After he died, there were other things that woke me up in the middle of the night and things that made me tired during the day, so I will catch a nap when I can and I don't feel guilty about it. I'm of an age when waking up in the middle of the night isn't unusual, so I'll go to the bathroom, get a drink of water, adjust the temperature and go back to the bed, which by then is cool. Best sleeping is from 4-6 am when the air temp is cooler. I sleep less when it's hot and humid, when I hear the neighbors outside, etc. but when I am physically tired I can sleep through a tornado. So I get regular exercise, try to accomplish at least one thing a day, and don't take problems to bed. I like the idea of a worry journal. For me, I will write down what I need to do the next day or two before I go to bed, so I don't have to think about it. Another trick for relaxing that my mother taught me: If you can relax your tongue, you will relax your body. Try suspending it in your mouth, not touching anything.
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The stress of caregiving is immense, and I do awaken with worry about all the issues I know are coming. I have noticed that I sleep in a tri-phaic pattern. Usually, I awaken after three or six hours of sleep. Blood sugar dipping is usually my issue, so I plan quick, small meals to eat in the middle of the night. Then, it is just a matter of calming my "what if's" down and remembering all the blessings that I have. I find that if I concentrate on blessing the list of people that I currently know (good AND bad), have known in the past (living and dead), and hope to know in the future (only the fun ones), I find that I awaken more refreshed in the morning. Exercise does help, as well. Just remember that no matter what happens, you are a capable person and God shall help you overcome! It is still very hard! Best of luck to you!
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I had problem with sleep before Mom. I read to make me tired but I'm a light sleeper. I can't take Tylenol PM. Groggy in the morning. Melatonin may help.
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I keep a worry journal next to my bed. Before I started taken care of my gran I had trouble sleeping. I would wake with my mind racing full of all the stuff I needed to get done. I started to write them down when I woke up. I found it help because I wasn't trying to "remember" everything I needed to do the next day. It also aloud my to voice my worries with out upsetting other people in the family. I tend to overthink situations. I find that if I write down a short list before going to bed it has cut down on the number of nights I wake up frantic, with the racing mind. Good luck!
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After a year of caring for my Mom, my sleep was very poor. I had to sleep in the same bed as my Mom (too long of a story to go into). First I had trouble falling asleep, then she would wake me almost every night by being restless and talking in her sleep. Many times her dreams would wake her up, and she would tap me on the shoulder and ask if I was asleep, then ask me a question. Plus having to use the bathroom. By the end of the first year, I needed medical intervention. My primary doctor but me on anti-depressants (Celexa) and a sleep aid (Ambien). The Celexa helped my anxiety and mood, but the Ambien made me almost non-responsive to my Mom's needs. My doctor didn't feel comfortable prescribing after that and referred me to a Psychiatrist. I was mortified! But I needed help, so I had to go. To anyone out there, that ends up in this situation, don't get yourself upset about it like I did. It turns out, the Psychiatrist made me feel very at ease, and over the course of the next year he prescribed and fine tuned my medication that made it possible for me to care for my Mom, in a much calmer and better mood. It's not a cure all. I still had my moments of being cranky from losing sleep, or just having a bad day, but I think somethings are unavoidable when your caregiving. I hope this helps someone. Don't suffer in silence. It's bad for your health, and the person your caring for will suffer with you. Ask your doctor for help.
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Getting up and writing works well for me--allows me to process whatever I'm worrying about, or get my mind off it and write about something else entirely. I keep a blog and am working on a book, which even if I never publish is helpful to write.

For most of my adult life I have had insomnia even though I exercised regularly, meditated, didn't drink, stayed away from caffeine, etc. I was on Ambien and/or Xanax for 10+ years, often with an OTC sleep aid as well. Then finally I decided I was done with it and just stopped, and after a few rough nights realized I can in fact sleep without pharmaceutical help. But I do think you can take these meds for a few weeks or months or even years to get through a rough time, and then stop taking them and return to equilibrium. I think my body even learned how to sleep over the years on meds, so that after a while I no longer needed them.

Be careful with regular use of Tylenol PM/ Benadryl/diphenhydramine HCl...long term use has been linked to Alzheimer's! Wish I'd known that 10 years ago.
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Having "me" time first thing in the morning for a couple of hours was mandatory. It helps keep your sanity. Even if I had to lose some sleep, I needed that time.
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Many caregivers are older themselves and sleep often becomes a problem in our later years. frequently the cause of waking up may be a need to use the bathroom. This can be helped by limiting beverages during the evening and avoiding any caffiene or alcohol. if you are afraid of bladder leakage and most don't care to admit it, there is no shame in wearing a pad at night.. just a pany liner is often enough.
I am wary of all the so called 'natural" sleep aids on the market both because they are unproven, not controlled and frequently interact with precription medications.
Stress of course is the obvious villam for caregivers and many others and previous work patterns may also play a part. many people who have been required to be "on call' for their jobs find it difficult to avoid waking up fully alert in the middle of the night. Having available a small dose of a relaxant such as zanax or vallium may just be enough to lull you back to sleep. just having it on the bedside table may make you secure enough to rarely need to take it.
Pain is another frequent cause of insomnia so taking a pain reliever as simple as tylenol is often enough to ensure sound sleep.
Persoanally after i have taken care of the bathroom issues and have beed awake for an hour despite thinking of calming nature scenes and cuddling the cat against my better advice I get up and make a nice cup of tea. i have one of those mug hop plates beside my bed and it is often mostly still there when I wake up a few hurs later to start my day. Insomnia does not have a one size fits all solution.
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Waking early morning and not being able to return to sleep can also be a symptom of depression. There are good depression screening tools on line and most doctors can diagnose if there are additional concerns. Many anti-depressants are safer than most sleeping, anxiety medications with less side effects and dependency issues. One mentioned was klonopin. It can be helpful in some cases but is extremely addictive and very difficult to 'come off of' if taken for long periods. Depression is common among people in your type of situation and anti-depressants (if that is the case) can be beneficial in other areas of functioning. Sleep deprivation over time can cause all sorts of problems and I would suggest seeking a professional opinion if it doesn't resolve itself in a couple of weeks. Good luck in whatever you pursue and sweet dreams!
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You might try drinking some Sleepytime tea at night before you go to bed, or if you want you can make your own herbal tea of 1 part Valerian Root (for anxiety), 1 part Skullcap, 1 part Hops, 1 part Chamomile, and 2 parts Spearmint. Steep for 20 min. and sweeten to taste with a little honey or Stevia. That will help you sleep and it is all natural rather than having to be put on some sort of medication!
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Sleep problems are rampant these days, but I think caregivers may have even more problems than the average person. We never know when we have to spring into action so it's hard to totally let go and relax into sleep.

Ideally, exercise as suggested would be the best answer. Meditation can help, as well. Clearing our minds is tough but exercise and meditation can go a long way toward doing that.

There are some natural sleep remedies available that don't have the dependency or side effect issues of many prescriptions but it's best to clear that with your doctor if you take any other medications or have health issues.

It's recommended that we stay away from computer and smart phone light for several hours before sleep, too. I'm a reader so that works for me but I know that prying our eyes off the computer can be tough - especially when time alone is at a premium.

Keep the ideas coming! This is a huge issue across the board.
Carol
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