I feel I am being forced to be a care giver by my husband. It is his epectation that I do much of their care. I resent this and it is very negatively effecting every aspect of my life including my physcial and mental health. I am becoming bitter and angry. I do not want to do this anymore. My husband will say that I am not responsible but then almost daily either a caregiver does not show up or he is busy and I am told to fill in as of course he cannot leave them alone. I am considering leaving as my only way out but it is hard after a 33 year marriage that was good up until this situation.
Taking care of your in-laws is a heavy workout, and I guess he assumes that since you're home (don't know if you work) it's your responsibility to take care of them. He's mistaken.
To the point of the person above who says a lot more must be wrong, he/she is correct. They ARE his parents. I suspect that if you felt he'd do the same for you (in caring for parents or any other thing) you would be much less resentful.
I am now married, and have been, for ten years to a totally different kind of man. A real man, a man who loves me with his whole heart and to whom my wellbeing and happiness is paramount. And his, to me. If I were taking care of his mother, or him, mine, and anything got to be too much something would change immediately. Unfortunately, unless you DO take that month long vacation and let him see what he'd be facing if you weren't around, probably nothing will change, particularly if you have been at this for a long time. By the way, I did discover that my ex could do the following: compliment me on what I cooked or how I looked, buy me flowers spontaneously, fix his own sandwich, call his own mother (or not), etc. But it came when I finally could not take it another minute. My depression had grown so deep (and my five year old told me that it seemed like 'you love Daddy a lot more than he loves you') and my resentment so overwhelming at his cold shoulder that I knew it would kill me to stay another minute. Oddly, once he only did those things in order to keep me I felt more angry than ever, knowing he'd had it in him all that time and he could see me dying on the vine and never once tried to be there for me until he realized his gravy boat could be permanently empty. It all felt manipulative. I don't know about your husband and his motivations. But I do understand your feelings. Get a good counselor, ask him to come with you (so you can both hear each other) but if he doesn't, then go alone. And - drop the ball with things that he needs to attend to. He will not know you are serious if you have always threatened and never acted. God bless.