My mom was diagnosed with vascular dementia 8 years ago. She lived with me for the last 4 years and recently was admitted to a MC. I recently discovered that this facility has been making behavior charts on my mom since day 1. My mom had no “behaviors” other than something like refusing to shower… She’s considered mild to moderate dementia and still has a fairly good memory. Her biggest struggle is personal care and some confusion. Also, she only speaks Korean as she reverted back to her native language.
Due to my lack of knowledge, I’m now finding out that this facility is a highest level of MC which is considered a behavioral facility. These reports depict my mom as a total mental case, and I feel outraged about these reports. My mom was a performer so she loves to sing, dance, and get goofy. I visit her almost daily and the caregivers and nurses tell me how much they adore my mom. I am trying to transfer my mom to a lower level of care facility which seems to be a better fit for her current condition. However, these reports just got her denied at the new facility. I met with the admin and the nurse’s director but didn’t get anywhere. I also tried to contact the state’s ombudsman but they neither call back nor write back. I am trying to reach out to agencies but to no avail. This has been extremely stressful!!
My husband is in a memory care facility, the highest level of care there is, and I'm there almost every day to feed him his lunch. He can't talk understandably now, so sometimes he howls. One woman wheels her wheelchair around and around the living area almost all the time, speaking nonstop gibberish. A guy often yells suddenly at the top of his voice, that's a symptom of his type of dementia. Another man puts everything in his mouth, including buttons he tore off his shirt, so he has to be watched every second.
Every single one of them could be termed a total mental case, and neither I nor their loved ones would object. Who cares what the label is? They are all very sick. The important thing is that they get the thorough, kind and loving care they need at this stage. And you know what? Your mom WILL get worse. A lot worse, and it could happen quickly or slowly, but it will happen. Be grateful she is where she is. "Due to your lack of knowledge," as you stated it, you're heading down the wrong path. You'll learn. And don't make it so hard on yourself.
You seem to be in denial about moms condition which is charted by folks who deal with her 24/7. You, on the other hand, visit daily for short blocks of time, not getting to see the whole picture of who mom is today.
My advice to you is to leave well enough alone and remember why you placed mom to begin with. Stop trying to disagree with staff who care for this woman because their words hurt your feelings for some reason. Toughen up and allow mom to get the best care possible. It's very hard to find, you know. Count your blessings.
You should be pleased that they keep behavior charts. This helps the direct care staff to have an idea of what they're walking into when their shifts start. This is an especially good idea in a MC or NH. I was a staff supervisor at a nice AL some time back. I demanded the care staff under me chart at the end of their shifts in a book kept in the office. If someone was ill on their shift, had a behavioral incident, refused hygiene care, etc... The staff coming for the next shift were instructed to look over the notes before their shifts so they knew what was going on too. This is just responsible and good practice.
I'd be more concerned with the fact that your mom only speaks Korean now. Do the aides or nurses use a translator to communicate with her. Maybe helping them download this onto a phone would be a good thing too for your mom.
Your mom has dementia and will only continue to get worse as dementia NEVER gets better.
I think you need to just take a deep breath and count your blessings that your mom is in a facility where the staff "adore" her, and just let her be, as your moms time here on earth is very limited, especially if she in fact has vascular dementia which only has a life expectancy of just 5 years, and she's had it for 8 years.
I can only guess that she perhaps has another kind of dementia along with vascular as that will/can prolong death for a bit, especially if the other dementia is Alzheimer's.
Also know that your mom would never have been admitted to this facility if she didn't meet the facilities qualifications prior to her moving there.
So again...take a deep breath and just enjoy whatever time you may have left with your mom.