This recently happened to my mom. My mother lived peacefully in her house for 62 years. She and my late dad had wills. I live a few states away, my brothers and sister lives near her. She wanted everything to be divided equally of her estate at her death. This was always known as she has mentioned this constantly as long as I can remember. Even telling me a few years back on the phone, she wanted to make sure all the info was correct on her will when she was going to her lawyers one day. This day I’m trying to find my dads and her will but can’t, seems like a dead end road.
Last year, my brother tricked her out of her house by inviting her to dinner then not allowing her to go home. I couldn’t understand why she didn’t answer her phone for days, so I tracked her down at his house. He lies and tells me she can’t walk, nor take care of herself, she keeps falling down. I spoke with her on the phone and she wanted to go home and was real upset why she was being held there and she wanted me to come back. I told him I would come back and stay with her at the house. He said no way, you couldn’t handle it. I have years of senior care taking experience as I did this for work. Within months, he becomes POA, sells her house and puts her in a nursing home. Which his wife tells me on the phone we can’t handle taking care of this baby making it sound like my mother was impossible which was another lie. She also told me I couldn’t see her, cause I would bring the virus in from the airport and make them sick. So I wasn’t allowed to come back and see her an excuse so they could get away with this.
I confronted my brother about his actions and told him that wasn’t in mom’s will what he did. He said, she never had a will, I can care less about the stuff in her house, because I have money now on the phone to me.
Today my mom is drugged out of her mind in a nursing home, wondering about her bank, and doesn’t understand how her house was sold without her. She misses her house and it makes me sad what happened to her. She lived as an independent, a driver, a gardener, and was a very happy person living in her house. She took high blood pressure medicine and was fine until recently. My brothers wife took her to these doctors and got her on a lot of unnecessary medication leaving her unable to think for herself. They cut off my FaceTime with her when she when she moved into the nursing facility. I call her a lot where she is and her personality is just real strange for these drugs they have her on. All these people say is, she’s really bad and can’t live alone, which is BS. She was never this bad, but always a together person for her age 89. I don’t understand how he could go around her will, especially at a time when everything was locked down and closed. She told me recently she never went to a lawyer and signed anything over to him. She also found a 10 page document on her possession that has her signature on every page that she claims she didn’t sign. Her memory has deteriorated fast because of the meds my brothers wife got her on. She still has a strong will and knows something is wrong, but she is unable to do anything where she is at and feels she must keep taking these meds at this place. It’s terrible what happened to this lovely kind soul, any thoughts or advice will help thanks for reading. I at this point don’t know what can be done. These people moved very fast out of greed and they act like they did nothing wrong that it’s fine.
That was her dementia talking, not REALITY.
REALITY was that my mother could not find her own residence.
She could no longer cook or clean. She no longer could make a decision.
She had crippling anxiety.
Her memory was about 10 minutes long. (Now, I would say that it’s about 1 minute long)
She had stopped taking her meds.
She needed 24 hour care.
What you are HEARING may be different from what your siblings may be EXPERIENCING.
Do you realize that licensed DOCTORS must prescribe medicine for a patient that's justifiably required for that patient or face having their license revoked?
Do you realize that these meds must be ordered BY the medical doctor in charge of your mother's care at the nursing home in order for the staff to dispense them to her?
You are living 'a few states away' from your mother, imagining that she had The Perfect Life and was in Perfect Health while your brothers & sisters were doing the 'boots on the ground' caregiving and dealing with your mother the entire time? How do YOU know what physical and mental condition she's been in this entire time? Because she TOLD you? I have to laugh out loud, literally, at such a thing b/c elders love love LOVE to showtime people (especially over the phone) and tell them how GREAT they're doing while they're falling apart on a daily basis.
My mother has fallen 52x since June of 2019 but if you ask her about it, she'll tell you she's NEVER fallen even ONCE! That she's in perfect condition and hasn't a single thing wrong with her. The reality of the situation is something entirely different. Although her nieces and nephews who live several states away think she's in great condition and have 'no idea' why on earth she's living in a Memory Care Assisted Living facility. Why they don't come HERE to visit her and/or choose to care for her PERSONALLY is my question! Armchair critics are THE worst of all b/c they love to criticize without knowing a single fact or doing a single thing to care for the loved one they think they have all the info on.
Do you realize that your mother's money is HERS to spend while she's alive, and not her children's to do with as they wish NOW? Or to decide that it should be saved for their inheritance by forcing her to live in her home, even if unsafe conditions prevail or her health is at risk, rather than go into managed care where that money will be 'wasted'?
You say, "I have years of senior care taking experience as I did this for work" yet you have no idea what APS is?
You say your mother 'was fine last October' but now her 'memory has deteriorated fast b/c of the meds my brothers wife got her on.' It sounds to me like you haven't seen your mother in person since last October and have no idea what condition she's in, whether her memory loss is due to dementia or anything else, for that matter.
You should feel grateful that your siblings have stepped UP to take your mother's care into their hands and let you off the hook. Yet here you are, accusing them of everything under the sun, making this about 'wills' and 'greed' and 'wrongdoing'.
My advice is to rethink your motives here. Then ask your siblings for the full disclosure of what's been happening with your mother so you can thank them for all they've done while you've been living your life a few states away. Do you have any idea how stressful it truly IS to be the position they've been in lately???????????? It's mind boggling, and then to be accused of all this wrongdoing to boot! Terrible.
2. Maybe I missed it, but I didn't see anything about you actually going there and seeing your mom for yourself, so I doubt you really know what's going on.
3. I have a feeling your brother has good reason for not wanting you to move into Mom's house to "care" for her.
4. Your SIL can't get doctors to put Mom on unnecessary meds. Your comment about the business, not health tells me you're one of those who believes in great conspiracies involving doctors and pharmaceuticals. Your comment that if your mom didn't take these meds she'd be back to her normal self indicates a severe lack of understanding as to what's really going on.
5. The right person has POA.
You could also get guardianship too. Its expensive but you can reimburse yourself out of Moms money if u win.
Your SIL has no control over the meds she is now given in the NH. The Dr there prescribes meds according to what he and the staff see.
You need a lawyer to help u sort this out.
Is your SIL a doc? Is she writing the scripts for the meds? If not, there is a doctor who thinks that mom needs those meds.