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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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Classic scenario as to why home care doesn't work. Mom needs to be in an AL facility. They have people working there 24/7/365 that can help your mom anytime day or night. Your killing your REM sleep and eventually you will be nothing but a zombie who isn't good for anybody.
There are medications for incontinence such as Gemtesa which prevents / minimizes leakage. This is very very common. Something to think about discussing with her pcp or urologist. Hope this helps and wishing you the best of luck.
This is the time that you have to face facts - you are no longer able to be your mother's caregiver.
You have a duty of care for your mum, but you also have a duty of care to yourself. You can't do both in your home, so it's time to outsource one.
There will never be a perfect solution, so you have to choose the one that gives the best quality of life to you because you're the one who is completely aware.
Be an advocate for your mum (that can be exhausting enough), but don't risk your own health and wellbeing by being the hands on caregiver any more. Start looking at care facilities and choose the best affordable one (not affordable for you - you have your own old age to think about - affordable for your mum).
I get you want your Mom to stay fresh & dry overnight but your sleep is very important too.
Is Mom waking you or would she sleep through the night?
Obtain the thickest Depends you can for overnight use. Place a waterproof mattress pad under as well. Do a trial. See if it is enough to manage ok until the morning ie for you both to sleep & Mom to not be drenched.
This is the way. Tena overnights or premium brands like Prevail, Tranquility, Abena and others are much more absorbent than any Depends I've ever tried.
Your Mom is only 83. She likely has a good 10 years of life left and you tell us in your profile that you are 63. You're my daughter's age, and your mom is about my age (82 this year). It would absolutely SLAY me to think that she would sacrifice her own life on the burning funeral pyre when this is the most free she has ever been with her son raised and through college and out on his own. She and her hubby, 70, now can travel, enjoy their paid off home, do all the things they always longed to do. How horrible to think that she would sacrifice her own life for me when I have HAD MY LIFE.
I encourage you to have open discussions now with your husband about a future for the two of you. Yes, this will mean placement. You didn't cause this and you can't fix it, and this is going to get worse and worse until it kills you off. You will no longer be a daughter but a caregiver, and that is the one who bears the brunt of all our anger over our normal losses with aging.
We now live too long. I am convinced of that. We are taking our children down with us. Sorry to be so blunt, but I encourage you to come to some of the tough decisions for your own life now. At least open the discussion and begin to think of options.
This is exactly why I plan to move to a CCRC. I will not put the burden on my children that was put on me. My biggest problem is figuring out where I want to live the rest of my life. I want my kids to have the retirement years that I have yet to have.
They've got something out there called the "purewick"(?) system,Hospitals use these, too. It slips between the legs and it sucks up into a container. I kinda looked into it, seems a bit spendy. I guess you have to add up the cost for everything you're currently spending to see if it works for you. Other than that, just regulating fluids before bedtime,just like the little ones.
This is just a bit too much. You need sleep. I assume she is wearing night time depends? I bought twin bed sized washable pads for my moms bed for when she has accidents. She is now in AL. I would hire someone to take the night shift or put mom in the appropriate setting for her issues.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Something to think about discussing with her pcp or urologist.
Hope this helps and wishing you the best of luck.
You have a duty of care for your mum, but you also have a duty of care to yourself. You can't do both in your home, so it's time to outsource one.
There will never be a perfect solution, so you have to choose the one that gives the best quality of life to you because you're the one who is completely aware.
Be an advocate for your mum (that can be exhausting enough), but don't risk your own health and wellbeing by being the hands on caregiver any more. Start looking at care facilities and choose the best affordable one (not affordable for you - you have your own old age to think about - affordable for your mum).
Best wishes for you and your mum.
Is Mom waking you or would she sleep through the night?
Obtain the thickest Depends you can for overnight use. Place a waterproof mattress pad under as well. Do a trial. See if it is enough to manage ok until the morning ie for you both to sleep & Mom to not be drenched.
https://www.agingcare.com/search?term=most+absorbent+diapers
She likely has a good 10 years of life left and you tell us in your profile that you are 63.
You're my daughter's age, and your mom is about my age (82 this year).
It would absolutely SLAY me to think that she would sacrifice her own life on the burning funeral pyre when this is the most free she has ever been with her son raised and through college and out on his own. She and her hubby, 70, now can travel, enjoy their paid off home, do all the things they always longed to do. How horrible to think that she would sacrifice her own life for me when I have HAD MY LIFE.
I encourage you to have open discussions now with your husband about a future for the two of you. Yes, this will mean placement. You didn't cause this and you can't fix it, and this is going to get worse and worse until it kills you off. You will no longer be a daughter but a caregiver, and that is the one who bears the brunt of all our anger over our normal losses with aging.
We now live too long. I am convinced of that. We are taking our children down with us.
Sorry to be so blunt, but I encourage you to come to some of the tough decisions for your own life now. At least open the discussion and begin to think of options.
Best of luck.