Also.... "I want my teeth," and "I want a drink" and all these things will have been done for her. She will yell all day and throughout the night. When we go in and ask her what is wrong she says nothing. She also yells "please don't" and says my name or my dad's name. I am scared that a neighbor will think she is being hurt and police called and I'll end up going to jail or my mom being taken away. My dad can't sleep nor can myself or my 14-year-old. He works at home and my daughter has school. Why is my mom ranting all the time? People have said it's not normal that something else is going on. Any suggestions?
It could be fears of aging, it could be a physical issue but start with a dr visit.
With my mother one was "turn me over" (she could no longer turn herself in bed). But since she could say that in a loop for an hour or more at a time or even when she was sitting in her chair it was obvious that repositioning wasn't what she needed. In my experience these vocalizations can be worse when there is some kind of unmet need but it can be a game of 20 questions figuring out what the real problem is, and sometimes there seems to be no cause at all so it is impossible to fix. Although you can learn to ignore it to a degree it can really get under your skin, especially if it is happening through the night and disturbing sleep.
Work with the doctor to get control of the sundowning, insist on it because if you can't sleep it will affect you ability to find a compassionate way to provide care through the days and you WILL burn out.
I didn't know your mother, but I can guess that
like others her age, she used to be capable of many things.
She was a wife and a mother. She used to have responsibilities of; running a household; providing transportation, preparing clean clothing, nourishing meals; and perhaps working for a paycheck as well. People used to come to her for advice and/or comfort. She could manage Birthday parties and Chicken Pox, Teacher conferences and drivers training. yet still be there for her husband.
But lately, she has little control over most things... maybe not even her bowels or bladder. It's a tremendous loss. And she is grieving.
But she doesn't know how to express it. It often comes out as anger, falsely directed toward those who care about her the most, her family.
You must decide what's best for her. It won't be a return to what she remembers or what she wants. But you know her better than anybody. Try not to take her anger personally. Take a little time out for yourselves so you can think calmly and reasonably and then respond to her the same way.
https://fb.watch/dUJMhv5fuv/
https://youtu.be/tYNxcXLwZjA
After you've eliminated a UTI as a possible cause that may be compounding her distress, you might find that positioning her bed so that she always sees people may not only be mercifully comforting to her but hopefully a solution for you.
You said that she stops yelling when someone comes in.
If you can arrange this, and it works, throw a comment at her once in a while.
Include her as you would an uncomprehending baby in some conversation. "Looking good mom". "Did you hear that song?" "Oh, my that nut on T.V. said I can loose weight by eating more dark chocolate. Hey, that's for us, right mom?"
If repositioning her bed is not possible, maybe playing a video loop, hopefully with audio, of family events and outings. My husband's Simpl (no "e") radio loops 40 big band tunes. It's very soothing to him.
Try carrying a medium to large sized stuffed animal (the same one) each time you/anyone goes for a to visit her but when you/they walk out take it with you (only if she doesn't mind) and as though you were naturally taking something unimportant and incidental.
It's a long-shot but she may associate it with people, or a thing apart of people. Try doing this for a couple of weeks, then leave it next to her, her's always from then on. She may take solace with it in her lonely, senseless, cut off world.
My best wishes.
My heart goes out to you all. This is one of the very hardest symptoms to deal with. It frazzles your nerves, frustrates you and makes you feel like you are loosing it.
I just pray that this doesn't last long and the doctors find a way for her to be less anxious.
P.S. Recording her and/or video recording her will help the evaluation if Mom switches her personality when strangers show up (Called, "show timing.")
Whatever you do, make an appointment with her Dr. first.
Good Luck
After Dr has determined no physical cause for her distress, then, as with many answers here…try to tire her out in the day with activities she enjoys. Keep her on a daily schedule. Try fidget toys. Keep her in rooms with other family whenever possible. And yes, see if the Dr can prescribe anti depressant or anti anxiety meds. Sleep inducing tea may be helpful to calm her.
I also agree, try to not bombard her with words/questions. Be calm. Yeah I know, it’s hard. This disease is a bear.
if none of those work, then I do think it’s time for her to be placed in a facility that can manage her. I’m betting you and your family have done all you can.
Keep us posted.
Classic behavior of Dementia due to Alzheimer's. I'm going through very similar with my mom and right now she's home and I'm living with her and helping her, but eventually she will need to be placed in an assisted living facility because I will not be able to do it alone and neither can you!!
I ask because high levels of bacteria in the mouth can impact a person's mood and actions, and a UTI can develop from not getting regular thorough showers/baths which can cause a variety of issues such as confusion, irritability, hallucinations, etc. --- all of this on top of what she already has.
Has mom been diagnosed?
How often is she seen by her doctor?
How long has she been in this current condition?
If you want to continue keeping her at home, you need to get her medication that calms her down so that the rest of you - who are trying to live with her - can get some peace, quiet and sleep.
Her needs are only going to increase as her disease progresses. You may want to think about where to place her when/if her needs become too much for you to handle and too much for your 14 year old.
As with caregiving, multigenerational living must work for everyone involved.
Also, realize that dementia is an ever changing disease with various phases that may come and go. Possibly the ranting will go away on it's own. In the meantime start seeking out a facility. It's time. None of you can provide good care for your Mom if you are exhausted and grumpy.
Here's a helpful hint to try. Don't ask her questions. Especially a lot of them. "What do you need help with? Are you hungry? Are you dry? Want to watch TV? Want oatmeal or yogurt for breakfast?"..... A person with a demented mind can't determine what they want and simply cannot process all those questions. If you simply (ha ha, like anything is simple here!) distract and redirect it may help. Move into another room, or another chair. Hand her something to hold. Don't talk at all. Conversation on any level is very frustrating when it's hard to process or form new sentences, hence constant repetition of a fully formed phrase. Hers happens to be Help Me or Please Don't.
My Dad with Alzheimers had a "fiddle muff ". Its a bulky knitted tube about a foot long and with attached things on the inside and the outside. A key, large button, string of chunky beads, tassel, a large die, shred of satin, you get the idea. Lots of different textures and shapes. The first time I gave it to him was after he said his hands were cold and he tucked them in. After a moment I knew he had found the items. He spent a long time rummaging around in the muff feeling for different things. He was very focused on it for a long time.
It's tempting to ask "can you find the key?" but only do that on a good day when she is more cognizant. Otherwise just let her fiddle.
Mine was made by our local knitting group. Its a great way for them to use up leftover yarn and many groups look for charitable causes to knit for.
And keep looking for placement. Your daughter needs you, your father needs rest, and you need your life.
Best of luck to you all.
Take her to get diagnosed (neurologist), and what I did was make a bullet point list of things I needed to talk to him about. They appreciated the list so much because the dr. could read it before he talked to us. This is such a hard time of life but you will get through it. Love your mom, take her to the Dr. and get her on some medication that will stabilize her brain functions and emotions. Please let us know how it goes.
it would have been devastating for him (and us) to put him in a facility, where he likely would have felt much more lonely. And the caregiver being present relieves my mom of a lot of the burden of caregiving.
I also love the fiddle-muff idea from Swanalaka-brilliant!
Avoid drinking alcohol while taking Zyprexa.
Zyprexa is not approved for use in older adults with dementia-related psychosis.
Personally I am in the same situation as the original OP @EriFulbright
Exwife who is 78 years old, and Dementia, she has become very demanding and combative, shouting out, wants to go home (she is at home) thinks im her Dad. We have/had been together for 35 years.That aside I would caution the use of
Zyprexa. Im sure it is a great product, but not for Dementia, especially late stage.
Please get her help. And you and your family will keep your sanity. No need to have guilt over it. It is quite common altho distressing. Your doing a good job, all her needs are taken care of. Its nothing your doing/not doing. Your family needs calm too. So does she. Good luck.
Please get her help. And you and your family will keep your sanity. No need to have guilt over it. It is quite common altho distressing. Good luck.
*Attention seeking behaviours*. Also called *separation anxiety* like with babies. Mostly anxiety - fearful without constant company, attention or hand holding.
Exhausting for caregivers!
Those with deep pockets hire a sitter all day.
Discuss with her Doctor - medication may be suggested to help knock down some of the anxiety.
Can be pain? Look for clues there too.