Also.... "I want my teeth," and "I want a drink" and all these things will have been done for her. She will yell all day and throughout the night. When we go in and ask her what is wrong she says nothing. She also yells "please don't" and says my name or my dad's name. I am scared that a neighbor will think she is being hurt and police called and I'll end up going to jail or my mom being taken away. My dad can't sleep nor can myself or my 14-year-old. He works at home and my daughter has school. Why is my mom ranting all the time? People have said it's not normal that something else is going on. Any suggestions?
I didn't know your mother, but I can guess that
like others her age, she used to be capable of many things.
She was a wife and a mother. She used to have responsibilities of; running a household; providing transportation, preparing clean clothing, nourishing meals; and perhaps working for a paycheck as well. People used to come to her for advice and/or comfort. She could manage Birthday parties and Chicken Pox, Teacher conferences and drivers training. yet still be there for her husband.
But lately, she has little control over most things... maybe not even her bowels or bladder. It's a tremendous loss. And she is grieving.
But she doesn't know how to express it. It often comes out as anger, falsely directed toward those who care about her the most, her family.
You must decide what's best for her. It won't be a return to what she remembers or what she wants. But you know her better than anybody. Try not to take her anger personally. Take a little time out for yourselves so you can think calmly and reasonably and then respond to her the same way.
With my mother one was "turn me over" (she could no longer turn herself in bed). But since she could say that in a loop for an hour or more at a time or even when she was sitting in her chair it was obvious that repositioning wasn't what she needed. In my experience these vocalizations can be worse when there is some kind of unmet need but it can be a game of 20 questions figuring out what the real problem is, and sometimes there seems to be no cause at all so it is impossible to fix. Although you can learn to ignore it to a degree it can really get under your skin, especially if it is happening through the night and disturbing sleep.
Work with the doctor to get control of the sundowning, insist on it because if you can't sleep it will affect you ability to find a compassionate way to provide care through the days and you WILL burn out.
It could be fears of aging, it could be a physical issue but start with a dr visit.