I try to get her interested in other things. She can't drive, so everything is catalogs. I tried throwing them out, but the mail comes while I'm at work. She gets hundreds of them. I'm struggling to pay for her very expensive meds, incontinence supplies, and all of our expenses. I've even had to clean out my savings and starting on my 401K. I beg her to stop but she says it's between me and my 2 brothers to figure it out " after all, I paid everything for you when you were kids."
As for you mom trying to guilt you that she footed YOUR bills, welp, that's parenthood, not your job. Put a stop to the shopping (hoarding?) and urge her to save her SS and even chip in for her own expenses; otherwise you're her ATM.
Call each catalog company and tell them to take you off their mailing list.
To clarify this, a guardian would be responsible for MANAGING her finances and using HER funds to pay bills and debts, if and when there's enough. Being guardian would NEVER make anyone responsible for another person's debt. Same for POA. There are court appointed guardians who are not family. I seriously doubt any of them would sign up for this job if they had to assume another person's debts and bills! Same for POA - we can appoint someone other than family for this duty, generally it would be an attorney or fiduciary, but the point is we MANAGE for the person, we don't assume their debts.
Being co-signer on anything WILL result in having to pay or deal with it somehow, as you would have accepted the responsibility, perhaps without realizing it, but you will have to deal with it if you signed!
If you are living in her home, move out. It's easier to not have to take care of everything. If she lives with you, maybe it's time she is moved into a home or let a brother take her in, if they want to provide for her.
We do owe our parents for all they've done for us. However, care does not involve frivilous items. No more shelling out the money, unless you want to do this for your Mom. I help my Mom and I've told her that many of her supplements and hair products have to be cut down because she can't afford them.
One time on vacation, long before the internet, we were in a shop and the ex wrote his name in their customer book, but he added III (as in the Third, which he was not.) Sure enough, not long after we received this kind of stuff from other places addressed to Mr. Joe Schmo III. So, we knew the "source."
Now data mining is BIG business! Some places collect/pay for these lists, but plenty can be found online too. I've received mail here address to the ex, who NEVER lived in this place (I've only been here 7 years), divorced over 35 years at the point, and he was killed in an accident 6-7 years ago! I've also received some in my son's name, and he has never lived here either.
Some of the online sites that have your information WILL show others from past and present relationships. One showed my son's ex, who also never lived here. They split up over 10 years ago. Look up yourself, see who they list as relatives, associates and known to you!
"Get a Power of Attorney (see an eldercare attorney) so you can control some of the things."
You don't "GET" a POA, the person MUST appoint you AND must be capable of signing legal documents AND is doing it of her free will.
"If she runs out, simply say there is no money - she spent it. Let her be without supplies, etc."
This is BAD advice, for several reasons:
1) WE don't know what medications she is on - they could be life-saving, aka she could die without them
2) No briefs, she could end up urinating on OP's thing, since she lives in OP's house.
"See if she can be placed or have a caretaker."
There is NO legal way to "place" someone, EVEN those with dementia. Unless she would go agreeable, this is NOT an option.
Caretaker? To do what? A caretaker would have ZERO control over what mom spends her money on and would NOT be able to force her to stop, same reason as above - it isn't legal and would likely just make the situation impossible.
"...walk away and don't look back."
I am SO thankful you are not my relative or POA. Heartless. This is still her mother, whether she has no impulse control or not.
What you need to realize is that YOU need to stop bleeding money.
Say "no".
She'll get mad.
So what?
She threatens to leave? That's fine.