It's been 6 years since we started seeing memory issues but it’s getting to the point that she repeats herself constantly. My sister and I live out of town. She needs a caregiver, to allow us to go to the Dr with her, and to stop driving but she gets so angry every time we bring it up. Any tips to help us?
The other friend had her license taken away due to a letter to the doctor from her daughter-in-law. She described her house as being messy, and said she had dementia, or Alzheimers too. That doctor told the senior he was taking away her driver's license because her vision was poor. She was a college graduate with a Phd. degree and knew she had no vision problems. , She just has a spiteful (vengeful) daughter-in-law. That senior went to one of the stores that sells eyeglasses, and got a 20-20 vision result on her eye test. When she returned to her doctor he admitted that the daughter-in-law was concerned about her possible Alzheimers and gave her the letter that her daughter-in-law wrote. She requested her medical records from the doctor who wrote that she was unable to see, but she never got them. Doctors are making many mistakes and looking at ages, then removing driving licenses. I would hope that all who read this know that if they live to be 80, their rights can be removed be lying relatives and stupid doctors. If an older person repeats themselves, it does not mean that that they should have their rights removed or that they have dementia. Dementia occurs when a person is unable to complete daily chores, (dressing, eating, preparing meals,) without help. Getting lost all the time when driving is another sign of possible dementia. My own sister lost her sense of direction but was able to care for herself, and write down directions I gave her, and follow them to get places. She had memory loss,, but not to the point of self care and home chores.
My caregiver doesnt not go to appointments drs prefer me but take her to lunch or whatever meal appropriate or use as motivation... we need to stop here (at dr) real quick then we'll go to lunch or store or whatever they like best. As condition worsens going out doesnt have to be specific I need to run a couple errands want to go? Good luck.
I won’t be too happy with my freedom being taken away for me either and driving as it is a privilege And it gives you freedom.
We all have memory issues - everyone just seems to focus on the elderly, and many are doing exactly the same things.
I hate it when people tell me, "you already told me that," but have repeated themselves constantly - I was taught it is rude to say you already told me that so I get the brunt of the criticisms when pretty much everyone repeats themselves.
Thankfully I am still a safe driver - but I'm also smart enough to drive closer to home and at hours that are not "rush" hours.
Kudos to you for your answer!!
Being far away, you’ll need to partner with her PCP via mail, detailing the changes you are finding with your LO. Send it regular mail, return receipt requested, to know they have received it. Follow up with doc office via phone. Maybe they will share info. If not, you’ll need their HIPAA form for LO to sign.
i understand she is stubborn. Mine is too. Just keep the conversation going as much as you can.
Prayers for all our situations.
MIL was telling us what she wanted us to know about medical appointments and her health. Once we all got involved and started going to appointments, we discovered that she rarely told us what the doctor truly said/diagnosed. She told us what she wanted the truth to be -- and this was pre-dementia. She's just stubborn and refused to accept the limitations that doctors were putting her under.
You can not implement huge changes without a plan. Period. It is unfair to the person that is already struggling. Someone that loves her needs to be present to help make transitions.
correspondence doesn’t always get printed out and
placed in patient’s chart.
My Mom won’t complete the hospital financial assistance form-cause she cannot. Ive tried numerous times to get the information from her, e.g. her utilities, insurance, etc. and other expenses. She puts me off and am sure she doesn’t ‘want me to know’ that she can’t fill out a form. Although I’ve seen her in action and her inability to fill out a simple form, but guess she thinks I haven’t recognized her decline. WHO would not want a reduction on their hospital
invoice??
Medications. ...
Minor head trauma or injury. ...
Emotional disorders. ...
Alcoholism. ...
Vitamin B-12 deficiency. ...
Hypothyroidism. ...
Brain diseases.
Normal Pressure Hydrocephalus. ...
Problems with Vision and Hearing. ...
Disorders of the Heart and Lungs. ...
Liver and Kidney Disease. ...
Hormone Disruption. ...
Infections.
Living out of town, I don't know how you'd be able to help your mother unless she were to give you Medical POA. Either that, or arrange to visit her for a period of time when you could accompany her to the doctor to express your concerns. You could also write him a letter with your concerns and ask that he administer the right tests to determine what might be at the root of your mother's memory problems. But again, I'd wonder exactly WHAT 'memory tests' she was given and if they were extensive enough to make an accurate determination as to whether or not she does have dementia.
Tough situation, I know. Wishing you the best of luck moving forward!
You understand that there are specific tests to prove if dementia is present.
Sometimes dementia is the cause. Sometimes not. It really is important to look at all possibilities.
Now we seem to be living longer, laws need to be put into place concerning those people who have been found to have a Dementia. As soon as a Dr. confirms it, he needs to report his findings to the DMV. Then the DMV mandates that the person be tested. And not the average test. Something that tests reflexes. Driving to a particular place and making sure they can get back. (My Uncle drove to Delaware Park for years. This one time, he forgot how to get home to NJ.) If they pass, they are required to come back in 6 months. A sticker can be put on the windshield for the police to see. And there should be restrictions. Only drive in town and no night driving. Why do we have to wait until they kill themselves or someone else.
I did an anonymous report to the DMV listing my concerns including Dementia, Macular Degeneration and fainting spells. DMV promptly sent her a letter to be reevaluated. The BIG mistake I made was HELPING her fill out the extensive paperwork they wanted from her. Even with my help, because she did not show me the paperwork early enough to be completed by their deadline, they temporarily suspended her license! I was thrilled as she is a "law abiding citizen" and would not drive with a suspended license. However, here's where I made the mistake. I continued helping her get the paper work filled out, proper papers to different doctors, etc. I ASSUMED once DMV evaluated her, that they would permanently suspend her license. But no! Her doctors were fooled by her ability to maintain her social graces and said she was ok to drive. AND, she passed her driving test because she knows the town like the back of her hand. (But her car has multiple dings from minor accidents that she has no idea how they occurred.) So she got her license back! If only I had NOT helped her do the paperwork etc, her license would have automatically been revoked. Sigh!
She also got very irritated that I wanted to go to all her doctors appointments with her. So I just showed up anyway. After awhile, she got used to me being there and even allowed me to just pick her up and take her. The big no-no was if I piped in and told Doc of symptoms she was not telling because she forgot. THIS REALLY aggravated and embarrassed her. So I learned to slip a note or tell the nurse on the side what the issue was.
So she continued to drive, and I continued to take her to appointments. I was more clear with her primary care physician and staff about her dementia and my concerns. (No more assuming everyone was on the same page!)
She eventually had a mini stroke along with a seizure that allowed for a clear reason for her to stop driving and accept more help.( She recovered fine.) She still asks me why she can't drive and says she wants to go to DMV and talk to them. I tell her it is because of the mini stroke and seizure, which she doesn't remember. I don't mention the dementia because she would argue about that.
So, see if there is a trusted friend, someone she knows, who you can pay to go with her. (Maybe mom doesn't have to know the person is getting paid?) If she will accept it, even though it will make her mad, she will eventually get used to it and even look forward to it. Then you will get accurate reports on her health.
This is tricky! If the license could be revoked first, then it would be an easy excuse for someone to start taking her and sitting in on Doctor's appointments etc.
Good Luck. Don't let up because she will need the help. Think of her as a teen, sometimes you can't ask permission from them. You have to insist. (Easier said than done!)
i hope you have POA and have her finances under control.
There is not much you can do except wait for the inevitable crisis. For me it was a bad fall, hospitalization then I moved mom to assited living then dad a few days later. It was a big hot mess, almost killed me but I’m glad I stuck to my guns.
The driving is a a worry. You may have to step in and end it before she harms someone else. You can’t let this go on if she’s getting bad.
If you think things are bad inside the home and she needs an assessment you could call APS.
Also contact the DMV and tell them she is not safe to drive. Most states allow for anonymous reporting.
As to the anger, I have no advice there only empathy. Mine is the same way. Fierce denial and anger. I've been trying to limit my contact for my own sanity.
If you read the posts here you will see that dementia never gets better. It will progress and get worse no matter how your mother feels about it. The charade of independence will eventually crumble. What you can do is to research now and figure out a plan for when the charade crumbles. By plan I mean placement in an appropriate care home.