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Me too, no advice just venting. Had the last one complain about Moms 7lb mini pin to animal control - lies abt a bite, vengeful. The one before constantly tried to one up me with Mom, trying to compare herself to me. Sick of the strangers in the house, but must have to shower Mom. I have found most agency caregivers to be unemployed losers - ooops, inconvenient fact no one wants to hear. You cannot make a living as a caregiver on 12 hours a week. Glad when I can be rid of them all. Just sayin'.
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Reply to VegasGuy
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Anxietynacy Jun 19, 2024
Hi vegas guy, I did caregiving for a bit. Got paid Penny's for it. I did it because I was in a place in my life that needed to pay it forward. Loved my job. Got very attached to them. I will say it is the most thankless job out there. You could do something so wonderful for someone, no one new it, and those I took care of don't remember most of the time. Those people I took care of, gave ME more than I gave to them in my heart. My memories of the sweetness in those years will always be with me. Yes there are some bad apples. In your statement how little they get paid? Huh maybe if caregivers got paid more then you wouldnt get the bad apples!
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Dad goes to memory care, where he gets professional care. Mom gets her life back. She may be adamant, but she needs to visit some memory care facilities so she'll know what she's refusing. Take her to small ones that have a maximum of 16 residents or so. Let her talk to the manager, the caregivers, and the residents. Take her to larger ones if she is interested in that type of care.

Memory care isn't a torture chamber. The facilities are set up for with an eye to keeping residents happy on their level. The people who dedicate themselves to this care are kind, caring and loving. Mom can visit often. They may pamper her too. Win win.

My brother-in law is in a small home in a residential neighborhood and has been there for years. He loves it. My sister-in-law (no relation to brother-in-law) is in a larger one in another state. Her husband visits every night for dinner and volunteers to lead classes for residents. She likes to garden and they have raised beds so she can do that with assistance. The caregivers give her fancy manicures. The owner's dogs visit often. Both of these relatives were languishing at home and have benefited immeasurably because nobody was "adamant" that they stay at home miserable home.
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Reply to Fawnby
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One suggestion is when a caregiver arrives mom can leave for a while.
Go shopping, have lunch with a friend she has not seen in a while, get her hair done.
A few hours at the Senior Center playing cards or even volunteering there.
It is great to have caregivers come in and help out but part of having that help is to get away from the house.
Does mom have a friend or relative she can go visit for a week? Maybe a week Respite for mom would be a good thing.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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Tell her to live upstairs or another Part of the house .
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Reply to KNance72
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I think I can imagine this. In fact, think my folks are in the same situation.

Between aging in place in home + carers & facility care.. what is there? All I can think of is some type of adult daycare for your Dad. He gets activitity & help with lunch & Mom gets some time at home alone. Maybe a few days a week.

Unfortunately I have not been able to find such a solution. Daycare exists, but the support didn't match what my folks needed re mobility assistance.

Hoping you get other replies & ideas.
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