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She needs a routine schedule- something to help her handle the changes. She should have a set time and set days when caregivers are in the home. She should have areas of the home that are off-limits to caregivers - so she has some privacy to pursue her own activities. It would also be helpful to limit the number of caregivers to just 3ish people - so both parents become comfortable with these caregivers in their home.
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Reply to Taarna
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elisny Jun 24, 2024
Well said.

I also suggest seeing if they can find caregivers from an agency like Seniors Helping Seniors, where family can typically find caregivers with whom they can relate more easily.
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Cookster3: Perhaps it's time for managed care facility living for your father.
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Reply to Llamalover47
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I think you can approach her from the standpoint you are concerned about her well-being. Leave the door open for her to make the decision about when dad needs to go to a facility so she can have relief from caregiving and her privacy back. Is it possible for her to go out while the paid caregivers are there to get a break?
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Reply to GirlsMimi
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I had my daddy in a group home. The bigger memory care did not work for him. In the group home it cost the same, and I was able to come and go as much as possible. The caregivers cared for my dad as if he were their own. Also, I was kept up to date daily (because it was during Covid). If there was a problem I was called even in the middle of the night. He was always looking for me and I had to talk him back to bed several times. The caregivers and this group home was a God send when I needed it most. There could be one close to mom that way she could still have that care giving that dad needs yet have that privacy that she desires. Blessings to you, your mom and your dad cuz these kind of decisions are not easy - no matter what!
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Reply to Ohwow323
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Greetings. I feel your pain. Have mom take a break and leave the house. Get a lunch with friends, a massage, a few hours at the library. She does not need to be home. Good Luck!
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Reply to Cheri1
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LostinPlace Jun 25, 2024
Hi Cheri1,

This assumes that mom has the energy and desire to go somewhere else. If she's as exhausted as many of us long term caregivers are, she might opt for going to a quiet room in the home, closing the door, and taking a nap.

I personally resent and refuse to go along with the suggestion to leave my home when a caregiver shows up. I won't accept feeling driven out of my own home for respite. It takes a lot of energy to go somewhere, even for a walk sometimes,

Don't buy in to the idea that you have to leave your home to get respite. Find a way to make it work while you're home too, if you want,
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