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Secondly, what are your reasons to want move closer to your Mom?

Because she won't move closer to you?

My son asked me this a few years back (when seemingly on call as 'fixer' for family members).

"How old do you have to be to say no to your Mother?".

Kids, eh? But nailed the issue!

I am no longer the 'Fixer' but reshaped myself as Advocate.
It was a long road, but well worth the journey.

Jkassd, tell us more about the situation if you want.
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More info would be helpful: how old is your mom? What is her physical abilities? Does she have a DPoA assigned?

I think you need to have a family discussion with your other siblings to get everyone. If I were in your shoes I'd let my sibs know that we'll be staying put until my son graduates and then after that reconsider whether moving closer will create the help she needs. Your mom's care needs will be there for quite some time and a lot can happen in 2 years. In the meantime you can discuss with your siblings ways you can help from afar.

I feel for your son...he is calling it selfish (and it obviously isn't) but it is a huge change in his life that he may not easily recover from. Maybe sit down with him and discuss the quandary of the situation. He's probably 16-17, right? Old enough to start seeing the hard stuff in life and offer to be a part of the solution.

FYI I had a very angry son with ADD and the one saving piece was that he was able to make and keep decent friends throughout HS. Losing that as a sophomore would have created a whole new poop show. Maybe ask your son how he'd solve the problem? Sometimes when kids have to think through challenging issues themselves they come up with some really good answers. In preparing my son for any naughty behavior by him (at a play date for example) I would ask him what should be the appropriate consequence for someone who did such-and-such. He always came up with something fair and he couldn't complain if we had to apply it to him. Give your son a chance to surprise you in a good way.
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Jkassd Nov 2021
I have 3 younger children in succession(4 total), all 3 years in school apart. The youngest is turning 7. That’s, 14 years until I can move without disrupting any of them? She’s 70. My brother works too much to take care of her and it’s a lot to ask my sister in law to take this on. They haven’t always gotten along anyway. She’d be moved in with my sister who is having marital trouble, as I am. I worry about them as well. Sorry if I’m addressing more than one question here. Idk how these exactly work.
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Walk in his shoes, which it appears you have. He would be a new student in a new school, trying to make new friends. He's at the age where he is going through changes and needs normalcy to get through them Sure he may adjust, then again he may not, Have you sat him down and asked why he is so angry?

Before all these electronic annoyances, many families would sit down at the dinner table and talk, no phones, tvs, or any other electronic disturbances. Have you done that?
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Is your brother & sister asking you to help them with your parents? If not, and if your parents don't require a great deal of help right now, I'd rethink the plan to move away when your son has only 2 years of high school left. Once he graduates, then might be a better time to relocate. You love your son, too, not just your parents, so take into consideration what's best for ALL concerned. With your mother refusing to acknowledge her dementia in the first place, she may not even welcome your 'assistance' and turn away your attempts to help. Speak to your siblings before you make any heroic attempts to swoop in and save the day, that's my suggestion. What exactly are they doing for your parents on a daily basis that they need your help with? Find that out before you do anything. Your husband & son should come first in your life, then your parents who already have help from their other children.

And tell your son being adopted is not something he should be wishing for. If he was, he'd have another whole set of complaints to be angry about! Being a teenager is a very tough time of life in the best of situations, ain't that the truth?

Good luck, no matter what you decide to do.
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Your primary responsibility in life is: (in this order)
Your minor child
Your spouse
Yourself.

What plans have your parents made for their old age? Have you considered moving them closer to you?

If your teenaged son is an angry guy on a good day, consider finding a therapist for him.
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Jkassd Nov 2021
It’s my mom only and yes I have had my son in therapy for about a year. I’m in therapy, about to start couples therapy also.
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Firstly, read up in *anosognosia*

"mom has dementia which she won’t admit to".

If you break you leg, you can see & feel it. If you brain is breaking in little ways - the brain doesn't always know.

https://www.agingcare.com/articles/anosognosia-dementia-patients-cant-recognize-impairment-210090.htm

https://www.agingcare.com/articles/anosognosia-top-tips-how-to-handle-varying-levels-of-awareness-430619.htm
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Cover99 Nov 2021
LOL
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