Our decision is to move 8 hours away because our parents are aging and my mom has dementia which she won’t admit to. I don’t think it’s fair to leave all to my brother or sister and also I love and value my mother for raising me. My son is a sophomore and he is extremely angry about it. I do know what it’s like to be relocated in high school. It happened to me but I was in 9th. I feel like he will adjust. But he’s so angry with us and says he’d rather be adopted. I don’t know how to tell him how I’m feeling. He just says I don’t care about him. Am I being selfish? Is he right? I don’t want to hurt him but I also want to teach him the value in caring for family. We’ve lived far away his whole life. He’s such an angry guy anyway.
Because she won't move closer to you?
My son asked me this a few years back (when seemingly on call as 'fixer' for family members).
"How old do you have to be to say no to your Mother?".
Kids, eh? But nailed the issue!
I am no longer the 'Fixer' but reshaped myself as Advocate.
It was a long road, but well worth the journey.
Jkassd, tell us more about the situation if you want.
I think you need to have a family discussion with your other siblings to get everyone. If I were in your shoes I'd let my sibs know that we'll be staying put until my son graduates and then after that reconsider whether moving closer will create the help she needs. Your mom's care needs will be there for quite some time and a lot can happen in 2 years. In the meantime you can discuss with your siblings ways you can help from afar.
I feel for your son...he is calling it selfish (and it obviously isn't) but it is a huge change in his life that he may not easily recover from. Maybe sit down with him and discuss the quandary of the situation. He's probably 16-17, right? Old enough to start seeing the hard stuff in life and offer to be a part of the solution.
FYI I had a very angry son with ADD and the one saving piece was that he was able to make and keep decent friends throughout HS. Losing that as a sophomore would have created a whole new poop show. Maybe ask your son how he'd solve the problem? Sometimes when kids have to think through challenging issues themselves they come up with some really good answers. In preparing my son for any naughty behavior by him (at a play date for example) I would ask him what should be the appropriate consequence for someone who did such-and-such. He always came up with something fair and he couldn't complain if we had to apply it to him. Give your son a chance to surprise you in a good way.
Before all these electronic annoyances, many families would sit down at the dinner table and talk, no phones, tvs, or any other electronic disturbances. Have you done that?
And tell your son being adopted is not something he should be wishing for. If he was, he'd have another whole set of complaints to be angry about! Being a teenager is a very tough time of life in the best of situations, ain't that the truth?
Good luck, no matter what you decide to do.
Your minor child
Your spouse
Yourself.
What plans have your parents made for their old age? Have you considered moving them closer to you?
If your teenaged son is an angry guy on a good day, consider finding a therapist for him.
"mom has dementia which she won’t admit to".
If you break you leg, you can see & feel it. If you brain is breaking in little ways - the brain doesn't always know.
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/anosognosia-dementia-patients-cant-recognize-impairment-210090.htm
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/anosognosia-top-tips-how-to-handle-varying-levels-of-awareness-430619.htm